DEAR NATALIE: Over the past 10 years my husband's kids have only seen each other on two occasions. One time at his 75th birthday (for a long weekend) at our vacation home and this year for his 85th birthday. He has four kids so for his 75th birthday, each of the kids scheduled a night to treat the family at a restaurant. But this year one of his sons, Sean, didn't want to do this because he thought it was unfair that since he has less children than his siblings, he was paying more to host. Very petty stuff.

So, Sean caused a problem at the 85th birthday party that I paid for. After the party, he and his wife did not show up at our home for dessert. He explained that they have been mad at his brother Ryan for the past decade because he didn't pay enough attention to them at the 75th birthday party. Then he told me that they have also been mad at my husband (his father) and I for the past several years because of an air conditioning issue at our vacation home that they used a few years ago. When they got into the house, they called us to tell us that the A/C wasn't working. We asked if they called the A/C company on the island, they hadn’t, and we suggested that they make the call based on their availability. The outcome was that the fuse just had to be switched off/on—at no cost—--but they remained mad at us for not making the call. This was the source of their anger for several years. Go figure.

The reason that this caused a problem at the 85th birthday party was that Ryan had no idea, nor did we, that Sean and his wife were holding a grudge. As he was angrily discussing their grievances, I cut him off by saying that I did not understand his problem and was not going to discuss such silly issues with him and that it was a shame that they were causing problems at his dad's party. When we got back home, I wanted my husband to talk to Sean about this, but he wouldn't do it. I told him that he enables bad behavior when he chooses not to acknowledge it. He tip toes around his grown kids, afraid to ever say anything to them, and the problems never end. What should I do? -- FED UP STEPMOM

DEAR FED UP STEPMOM: Unfortunately, these patterns of behavior were sown many moons ago and I doubt the dynamic between your husband and his children are ever going to change at this point. In this situation, while it appears that your stepson is really childish, petty and frankly, a total brat, I would stay out of this mess. Whatever his resentment is towards your husband is between them, and it may be that there is a lot under the surface that hasn’t been healed over the years. While you may have to interact with them on some occasions, the best thing you can do it keep your emotional distance. At your husband’s age I don’t think a tiger can change their stripes, and while you may be annoyed with their dynamic, he seems resigned to it. I know you care and love for him and it must hurt to see his son mistreat him in this way, but getting in the middle of it will only stir up more problems and most likely cause tension between you and your husband as well as his kids. You may just have to suck it up and accept that this is what it is. The good part is, it doesn’t seem like they come around a lot, anyway. (Yikes, that’s sad when that’s the “good” part).

DEAR NATALIE: My wife and I have been married for almost ten years, and we have a pretty good relationship. But recently, one of my old friends, a woman I used to know several years before I got married, got in touch with me via Facebook. She is moving back to the city we live in and wants to get together for drinks to catch up. I told my wife and she was livid. She claimed that this woman just wants to get with me and is insisting that I delete her contact information and de-friend her on Facebook. I think this is ridiculous. I have no intention of cheating on my wife, but I would like to catch up with this person. What do you suggest I do? -- UNEXPECTED ISSUES

DEAR UNEXPECTED ISSUES: If you don’t want issues, don’t make issues. If your wife is this upset over the idea of you catching up with an “old friend”—and I’m putting that in quotes because I have a hard time believing your wife is this livid over a “friend”—why would you rock the boat? Would you like it if she started going out with some of her “old friends” for drinks? Drinks are sexy. Putting yourself in a situation with this woman and alcohol sounds like a bad idea. While I’m sure your intentions are above board—because, why wouldn’t they be?—the fact that you are questioning whether or not to do this knowing how hurt your wife is confuses me. At the end of the day, your marriage should come first. If you can’t walk away from potential trouble, what makes you think putting yourself in a situation will make things any easier? End this now before it gets blown out of proportion and things go from “pretty good” to a “pretty big mess.”

Natalie’s Networking Tip of the Week: Seek out a mentor in your industry to help guide you to the next phase of your career. Use your network to leverage those contacts that could be helpful to you and take every opportunity presented to create a bond with someone who is where you want

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: My husband runs a volleyball league for high-skilled players. Years ago, when it started as a "most-anyone-can-play" league, a woman joined who wasn't a great player, but everyone liked her so she continued on. As the league evolved into just skilled players, she was grandfathered in. 

Now at 68 she is a poor player, and each week some unhappy team has her on its side. This is causing strife among the players and for my husband who is not sure how to tell her she should no longer play. No one wants to hurt her. He wants a rule saying anyone over 60 has to get 10 members to agree that they are still skilled enough to play. I feel that is like her being told 10 times she isn't any good anymore. I suggested a test for any players over 60 so she is not singled out. Suggestions please. -- VOLLEYBALL MESS

DEAR MESS: This sounds liked seventh grade: Everyone is picking teams, and there is that one kid that no one wants. First talk with her and see if she would be interested in doing something else like keeping score or managing the teams. She may be relieved not to have to play at this level anymore. A "test" for people over 60 would make it obvious as to what is going on, and leaving it to a vote would embarrass her. 

But, if she can't take a hint, tell her that you have concerns for her physical well-being because the team dynamics have changed. Perhaps encourage (or help her set up) an intramural team for "newbies" or people who want a less competitive game that she can direct. This would give her a sense of purpose without hurting her unnecessarily. 

DEAR NATALIE: Our mother has had severe depression for two years. She sends mean, degrading text messages to her children, blaming them for various transgressions, sometimes in years past. Yet when the children try to discuss these messages, she avoids phone calls or offers apologies. 

The children would like to mend this riff and have offered to attend counseling with her, but she avoids conversations. We hear through the grapevine that she is telling family members that we don't care about her. We love her but we cannot keep allowing her to treat people the way she has, using the excuse that she's depressed. Any advice? -- FRUSTRATED CHILDREN 

DEAR CHILDREN: It appears there is a mental health issue that is not being addressed. This "meanness" reminds me of people I counseled who were bipolar (which often leads to highs and lows in behaviors). Is she even open to receiving a deeper level of help? 

Unfortunately, when family members live with severe mental illness they barricade themselves from people they love, isolate themselves from the world and often lash out at those wanting to help. Was there an event that triggered this depression two years ago, or has she always had ups and downs? 

She does not want to be in this place of pain or suffering, so take baby steps toward improvement. It may be time to tell your mom: "If you want to have a healthy relationship with me, here are the boundaries we need to set, here are the steps we need to take, here are the ways we can work on bettering our relationship." You may have to send this by letter. 

Meet with your siblings and a counselor independently from your mother to discuss the best way to have this "emotional intervention." If you can at least open the lines of communication, you can work toward a brighter tomorrow. 

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: If you want to get a conversation going, ask open-ended questions that require more than a "yes" or "no" answer. This allows you to get to know the other person on a deeper level and shows that you are interested in what he or she has to say. 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: My husband and I are fairly young, and we have many close friends who have children. We still get together with these friends regularly, and most of the time their children are also welcome. We love their kids, and some of the children are practically like nieces and nephews to us! But occasionally an event will pop up that is simply not appropriate for children. 

For example, my husband and I recently had a party at our house, and we invited close to 40 people. We knew it would be crowded and not the type of party for children, however we struggled with how to communicate this to our friends. Our friends always just assume their kids are invited. We don't want to outright say, "Your children aren't invited and you need to pay for a sitter," but we don't know what the alternative is. Any advice would be appreciated. -- ADULTS ONLY

DEAR ADULTS ONLY: I love kids. Just so I don't get a bunch of angry emails after giving my advice, I repeat: I love kids! However, I don't love kids at cocktail parties. Or any event after 6 p.m. that doesn't involve them directly. Your friends chose to have children, and I think it is fabulous that you are close to their kids. However, it is unrealistic for your friends to assume that you always want to see their kids at your adult parties. 

The next time you send out a Facebook invite, eblast, mass text message or formal invite, make it very clear that this is an "adults-only event." If your friends ask if they can bring their kids, be polite but firm. "As much as I love (little Shiloh or Zelda), this is just a party for the adults. I know you understand, and I hope you can make it!" Leave it there. Direct communication is the best. (But not in a "Real Housewives" wine glass-throwing-sort-of-way).

DEAR NATALIE: Is it better to quit your job or to be fired? After reading your advice a few weeks ago about "Shopgirl" having a hard time at work, I realized how much I related. I am miserable at my job and my boss treats me terribly. I've tried to talk directly with the owner (I work at a small locally owned business in the city), but I can't seem to get through. 

My boyfriend tells me I should just quit, that it isn't worth being this miserable. Do you agree? I really don't know what to do, and I'm worried they are going to fire me because my bad attitude is clearly evident at work. -- MISERABLE EMPLOYEE 

DEAR MISERABLE EMPLOYEE: Quit. But, before you hand in your notice, make sure you have something lined up. I am one of those people who like to have at least two back-up plans for when the inevitable zombie apocalypse happens. Sure it can be scary to let your boss know that this isn't working, but I wouldn't give your supervisor the satisfaction of firing you. And quit with dignity. "While I really appreciated the opportunity to grow and learn, this feels like the right time for me to move on." Keep it very professional.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: As hard as it can be to get a conversation started, it can be even more of a challenge to end one. You never want to have someone feel like you are shutting them down, but at the same time, some people will chat endlessly. Wait for a lull in the chatter and then politely excuse yourself by saying that you just saw someone you were supposed to meet, or that you had promised to chat with someone you know is about to leave. Then ask for their business card and thank them for the wonderful conversation. 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)