DEAR NATALIE: My ex, who was married at the time, and his wife have recently divorced. I was part of that mess, but he was cheating on her with many other women, myself included. Well, we have started hooking up again. But, now he is saying to me that he wants to be in a relationship together. I don't know how to feel about that. I'm skeptical because he is clearly a cheater, but we always seem to have fun together. What do you think I should do? My girlfriends, naturally, are telling me to walk away -- for good this time. -- Bad Habit

DEAR BAD HABIT: Don't walk away. Run! Run as a fast as you can from this toxic mess. The fact that he cheated on his ex-wife with multiple women is a red flag that this man is all about himself, his own needs, and doesn't really seem to care about anything or anyone else. You seemed to have extracted yourself from him once, so before you get in too deep, lose his number. This situation has "hot mess" written all over it, and honestly, why would you want to be with someone who blatantly disrespected a woman he took serious vows with? If he was willing to do that to her, what do you think he's going to do to you? In the words of Oprah (who was quoting Maya Angelou): "When people show you who they are, believe them the first time!"

DEAR NATALIE: I recently broke up with my partner, who has some mental health issues that he addresses at times and then ignores at times. We were together several years, and I was like a member of the family. I was like a parent to my pseudo-stepchildren, who are devastated that we broke up. When I left, my partner threatened to kill himself, saying that without me he has nothing left to live for. While this is heartbreaking, I cannot be with him, and he's done this before to garner sympathy from me. But, he won't stop texting, calling, etc. What should I do? Every time I respond, he starts attacking me and trying to manipulate me to come back. I'm not sure what to do at this point. I can't just abandon him. Any suggestions? -- Sad and Single

DEAR SAD AND SINGLE: I applaud you for knowing that this situation was unhealthy for you to stay in. It can be very difficult to break up with someone you have formed deep bonds with, especially when there are children involved. The best thing you can do right now for you and your ex is to give him space. Don't return his texts or his calls. He has to lean on other people right now for support, and if you continue to respond or engage him in conversation, he will take this as a sign of hope for the relationship to bounce back. If that is not your intention (and it sounds like you are done), then you have to make that clear. Things will be tough for a while, but you will most likely see his texts and calls dissipate over time once he realizes that you aren't responding. If you really want to make sure he is OK, talk with one of his children. Over time, it will get better for you both.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Put the phone AWAY! You would be surprised how many people text while they are having a conversation with someone they have just met. It's rude to text or talk on the phone during any meeting but especially on your first. Whatever is on your Facebook page can wait. Turn your attention to the person in front of you.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I'm starting to gain momentum in my career, and my husband and I are trying to get pregnant. I'm worried if it will negatively impact my professional trajectory. How do you maintain momentum in your career while simultaneously growing a family at home -- Having It All

DEAR HAVING IT ALL: The idea of "having it all" really frustrates me. It sets us up for disappointment and feelings of failure. While I do believe that you can have everything that you want in life, I don't believe you can have it all at once. The truth is that our society is not structured to support working women. There is no universal health care, no affordable child care, no paid maternity leave, no equal pay - the list goes on and on. When men want a family, they can do that and work because nothing physically changes for them. But, when women decide to do this, their whole world changes. It has to. We, as a society, don't honor that time, we don't provide flexibility for that. But, you can do two things to help remedy this - both on the macro and micro levels. You can vote - in every single election. Vote for the people who have your interests in mind. In your personal world, think about your 10-year plan and how your career and family will fit into that. What is more important to you in this moment? (And it is OK if your career is a higher priority right now). Talk to your husband about these fears and worries you have. Discuss how you would share child care, how you would share the housework, etc. The first few years are going to be difficult because babies physically need their mothers more. But, beyond that, how are you distributing the work at home? What can he do to alleviate stress so that you can find some sort of "balance" in life and work? Have these conversations now before you get pregnant. Also, think about your current job situation. Are you in a more progressive company that will provide you flexibility? If so, great. If not, then what? You may have to decide again what is your priority. These questions are not easy to answer, and I can't answer them for you, but use this as a mental jumping-off point to begin to think about the ways in which your life will be affected and what you are willing to sacrifice - and what you aren't.

DEAR NATALIE: How can I remove toxic people in my life without doing so in a negative way? I need to prioritize my own health and happiness, but I don't want to hurt the people in my life. -- Letting Go

DEAR LETTING GO: I applaud you for recognizing that your health and happiness are important priorities. We can get so caught up in pleasing others and worrying about their needs that we neglect our own. But, if we aren't in a good place, both mentally and physically, then how can we help anyone we love? It can be incredibly difficult to shift gears in relationships that aren't working without hurting feelings. Don't avoid them or give them any reason to think you are icing them out. This is an immature thing to do, especially if this person has been in your life a long time. Instead, let them know that you are working on yourself right now and need some space from them. They may be hurt, but explain to them in an honest but gentle way that right now you need to focus on your own health and happiness. This means taking some time for yourself. If they care about you, they will understand. If they throw a fit, then recognize even more so that this energy is not something you need in your life and take that as a sign that you are doing the right thing in backing away.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: A great question to ask when you are networking is: "What can I do to help you?" Don't think of networking in terms of how to help just yourself. By offering your assistance to another, you are building rapport, building trust and are setting the stage for having that help reciprocated later on.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I ended things with a boyfriend (“Shawn”) because we were not compatible. We did live together, and during a six-month period when my brother (“Chris”) was homeless, he lived with us without paying rent or contributing to the household expenses. While my brother lived with us, Shawn and Chris became great friends. During that time, I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, and Shawn told me that it “isn’t a real condition” and to “stop having nightmares about your past traumas.” In general, he was very dismissive about my mental health. Once Chris moved out, things really went south between Shawn and me, and ultimately I accepted that he would never be supportive of me. So I ended things. This breakup happened almost a year ago.

I hadn’t planned on dating again for awhile, but I did, then meet someone (“Anthony”), and we really hit it off. We’ve been together for nine months now, and we recently became engaged. My whole family loves him, except my brother Chris. Chris thinks that I should still be dating Shawn. Chris thinks that Anthony is a mistake. Chris invited me but not Anthony to our family’s Christmas dinner, yet he did invite Shawn to this usually all-family-and-no-friends event. So, I did not go. Chris refuses to attend family events if Anthony is there, and what’s worse is that if he does see Anthony at the events he won’t speak to me or to Anthony. He won’t even say “Hello.” This even happened at a family member’s funeral recently.

I know that Chris and Shawn are still friends and that’s fine, but shouldn’t Chris’ loyalty lie with me, his sister? Shawn made me very unhappy, and he made me feel unimportant and unloved. These things that should infuriate an older brother!

I’m siding with my fiance here. If he is snubbed from an event, I don’t attend either. If my brother does not acknowledge us, we then ignore him. This can’t go on forever. Is there any hope that Chris will one day accept that Shawn did not make me happy and Anthony makes me very happy? -- SNUBBED SISTER

DEAR SNUBBED SISTER: Congratulations for putting yourself and your mental health before an emotionally abusive partner. The fact that you took in your brother was generous and kind when he was going through hard times, and he hasn’t exactly repaid you with that same energy. You have done nothing to warrant his dismissive and nasty attitude toward you. Stand your ground.

Talk to your family about allowing Chris to invite Shawn to events knowing that you two had broken up. Ask them, “What the heck was that about? Your loyalty should be with your daughter/granddaughter/niece/cousin/sister/etc.” Make it very clear to your family that you will not allow your brother to bully you or be put in a situation where Shawn is around. If Chris wants to hang out with him on his own, that’s out of your control, but in family situations, he is not to be invited.

Also, have a one-on-one sit-down with Chris. Explain to him that Shawn is not coming back into the picture and tell him why. Express to him that as his sister, you know that he always wants the best for you, so maybe he didn’t understand why Shawn wasn’t the right choice. Then, remind him that it is your decision who you choose to be with. Say something like: “I really want to spend time with you, but being around Shawn makes me very uncomfortable. I hope in the future you can be respectful of that and recognize that while I respect your friendship with Shawn, I don’t want to be around him.”

If Chris throws a fit, and he might, tell him that you love him, but that you hoped that he would be more understanding, considering how you helped him when he was down and out. If he still balks, get the family to say “no” the next time he wants to invite Shawn somewhere with you there. This may get messy for a while, and it may take time. But you are completely right in feeling how you feel, and it is up to Chris now to do what is right. If he can’t, well, he won’t be seeing much of you.

Natalie’s Network Tip of the Week: Do you consider yourself an expert at networking but seem to have hit a plateau in your contacts? Many times we end up socializing with the same groups of people because it is comfortable and fun. Get out of that zone and sign up for new events with people you don’t know, with people who look different from you, with people who have different interests. You may be surprised at how this expands your world for the better!

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)