DEAR NATALIE: My friend and I recently visited a small ethnic restaurant. The restaurant owner himself took our order: a large appetizer platter we intended to share. My friend asked if she could also get a small soup since only a regular sized bowl was listed on the menu. He said "yes." I clearly stated I was not interested in anything additional. Shortly he returned with two bowls of soup and placed one of them in front of me. I reminded him that I had declined any soup. At that point, he sat down at our table, moved my soup in front of himself, and ate the entire bowl. When we received the bill, he had charged us the full menu price. I thought this was highly objectionable behavior for a restaurateur. I usually am not uncomfortable speaking out if I am not pleased with restaurant service, but my friend urged me not to say anything. Not wanting to ruin our night, I kept my mouth shut. What are your thoughts, Natalie? How would you have handled this situation?-- UNAPPETIZING

DEAR UNAPPETIZING: I would have definitely said something. Your friend might be one of those “let’s not rock the boat” types, but that’s how you end up getting walked on and paying the price for it. His bizarre behavior is what concerns me more than the extra soup, to be honest. The fact that he sat at your table, ate soup you didn’t ask for, and then charged you for the soup that he ate is unacceptable. This isn’t how a restaurant owner should act. Maybe there was a miscommunication about the soup, but the fact that he  sat at your table to eat it is incredibly awkward, strange and inappropriate. I definitely would have told him that I was not paying for the soup. I also would have told him that we didn’t feel comfortable with him interrupting our meal by sitting with us and eating food we didn’t order. Moving forward, I would post a review about your experience on a restaurant feedback site and never dine there again.

DEAR NATALIE: I’m dating someone new and things are going great except in the food department. I am a meat eater. I love meat, I eat meat, I hunt meat, it’s my thing. My new partner is vegan and gluten-free. Going out to dinner has been quite a challenge. He came over the other night and we got into an actual fight about where we should eat. I feel as though he is judgmental about food and he feels as though I’m inflexible. I don’t want this to cause a rift between us, but honestly, the thought of cooking dinner for him makes me break out in a cold sweat. Is there any way through this without one of us ending up on the chopping block?  -- LET’S “MEAT” IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR LET’S “MEAT” IN THE MIDDLE: The word “compromise” comes to mind here. The truth is your diet is more flexible than his. If he doesn’t eat gluten, dairy and meat, respecting that is key. You both will have to research restaurants where there are foods for him. You eat meat, but you can eat vegetables and grains and other items, so your choices will always be more varied wherever you dine. If you have to sacrifice eating meat once in a while when you go out to dinner, is that so bad? Now, when you eat in, he should be more proactive in cooking for you and to make foods that you can both enjoy. If he doesn’t want to cook meat for ethical or health reasons, you can always do that part on a separate skillet and then incorporate it into whatever dish you are eating together. Veganism is a lifestyle for many people. It isn’t just about animals or health, but it can be about the environment and the way you look at the world. Being with a hunter who enjoys meat may really be a struggle for him. You may feel judged because he is trying to figure out how to date someone whose beliefs are so different from his own. Both of you can work on being more flexible by reading literature outside of your personal belief systems, discussing ideas and, more importantly, trying new foods together. Have you ever made a gluten-free, vegan dish? You may love it! Think of something that you really enjoy and then find a way to do a version of that so he can try it as well. There is a way to “meat” in the middle, so to speak, but it will all be based on mutual trust and understanding. Take baby steps forward, communicate your feelings and keep an open mind.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Be aware of your body language. Are you slouched and looking uninterested? Have your arms crossed or appear agitated? People react to your physicality before they decide to approach you, so remember: Smile, engage in conversation and keep your body language open and positive!

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: My boyfriend and I have been together a little over two years and we are crazy about each other. I definitely see wedding bells in our future. Recently, he was offered a fantastic opportunity in another city. He said I should move with him and we can get a place together. I agreed and was excited until I talked to my friends. They were like, “Why would you move without a commitment (i.e., a ring)?” and “why would you give up everything for him?” I was shocked by their reaction and now I have two questions: Should I move to a new city and live with him without a ring? And should I be mad at my friends? I don’t think they are being supportive, but I don’t know what to do now. I’m utterly confused. 

-- MOVE FOR LOVE?

DEAR MOVE FOR LOVE: Follow your gut. You were excited about this until your friends clouded your initial reaction. You have to ask yourself: “Is this what I want? Do I want to move? Do I want to try and see where this relationship can go?” If you can believe it can go the distance, then take a leap of faith. But first you should ask him where he thinks this relationship is going. Tell him that you want to move, but it is a big jump and he needs to be aware of what you are sacrificing. If you expect an engagement soon, tell him. Gauge his response and reaction. If he’s on the same page, I say go big or go home. But reassess if he doesn’t seem interested in an engagement or feels moving in is the next step without marriage in the cards. What do you want? You can be wildly in love with someone and it still may not work out — you must have the same vision of the future. Reflect on what you want and need. As for your friends, don’t judge them too harshly. They have your best interest at heart, hopefully, and are probably asking you the tough questions to make sure you’ve fully considered the future. Plus — and they may never admit this to you — they may not want you to move because they’ll miss you. Humans are complicated creatures.

DEAR NATALIE: My father and I haven’t spoken in a long time and he is engaged to be married. I’ve never met the woman he is marrying, but he sent me an invite in the mail. When I was coming out years ago, he didn’t accept it and we grew apart. Now that I am happily married to a wonderful guy, I find myself wanting to reconnect with my father. We want to start a family soon and I would like for our future children to meet him. I think this invitation is his olive branch, but my husband says I shouldn’t get my hopes up for a reconciliation. I do expect an apology before I go to the wedding. Do you think I should call him?  -- FEELING FATHERLESS

DEAR FEELING FATHERLESS: I’m so sorry that your father didn’t accept you when you came out to him. Rejection from a family member can hurt so much and run so deep. I agree that this invite is an olive branch. He may be ashamed of his behavior when he turned you away instead of embracing and loving you for who you are. Maybe he realized what he did was wrong, but he can’t find the words to tell you. However, this does not replace an apology. You deserve one, you need one and I don’t know how you could move forward without one. There needs to be a call before you see him again. This RSVP gives you the perfect excuse. Tell him that you need to talk before you agree to attend the wedding. Hopefully, this will propel him into apologizing immediately. It may not. Either way, you deserve to tell him how you feel and how he hurt you when he shunned you. In a perfect world, he would call you to make amends, but sometimes people need us to meet them where they are. Take this situation as an invitation to perhaps heal. You don’t have to forget what he did to you, but hopefully there is a way to forgive and begin again.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Don’t interrupt. Remember, the point of networking is to learn about the other person, so give them an opportunity to speak. You don’t have to dominate the conversation to seem interested in what they are saying. Allow them space to share.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I just broke up with my boyfriend. We had been together almost three years, but he just couldn’t get his life together. It was so frustrating to always have to be the “grown-up” in every situation. I ended up being more like a parent than a girlfriend, and I just couldn’t live like that anymore.I started dating his good friend, and now they’ve had a falling out over it. On top of it, my ex is trying to win me back, and I feel really torn. I loved my ex, but my new relationship is going well. Do you think I should give my ex a second chance? .-- TORN BETWEEN TWO

DEAR TORN BETWEEN TWO:The first thing I thought of when I read this letter was that your ex wants what he can’t have. It’s like a contest now, a way to placate his ego and make him feel like the big dog if he can steal you back from his once-upon-a-time friend. The question you have to ask yourself is: Do you really want him back? Or is the idea of him fighting for you a turn-on? Is there part of you that started dating his friend so that he would fight for you? Do you really like this new guy, or do you really like that it gets under the skin of your ex that you are dating his friend? The only way to rid yourself of your ex may be to remove yourself entirely from his circle and move on. It sounds as though you had good reasons to dump him. Don’t let your ego get in the way of your good judgment.

DEAR NATALIE: I recently broke things off with my fiancé. I caught him cheating on me with several other women and realized how blind I had been. He is demanding my (very large!) ring back, and I feel as though I am entitled to keep it since he was the one cheating and ruining our relationship. What do you think I should do? He doesn’t deserve it, in my opinion! -- RINGLESS

DEAR RINGLESS: As much as I think you should run fast to the jeweler and cash that big rock in, it doesn’t really work that way. An engagement ring is a contractual piece of jewelry. If you aren’t getting married, you shouldn’t keep the ring. Plus, it will feel really satisfying to throw it at his head while you scream dramatically about the cheating scandal that he created. All kidding aside, I know it can be tempting to keep the ring as a form of retaliation, but in the end, it may feel even better to rid yourself of any energy attached to him and the relationship. Return the ring, move on with your life and be glad you dodged this bullet. Give yourself some space and time to heal from what happened, and when you’re ready, turn the page, and write your future with characters who love and cherish you.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Please don’t ask for a job. When you are networking, the idea is to gather information that could lead to the right connections to help you in your job search. But directly asking people at a networking event to help you land a position is going to be a turn-off. Down the road, once you have established a network, then you can discuss if they can support you in your job search. Slow and steady wins the race.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)