DEAR NATALIE: I know everyone is handling being isolated from each other because of the coronavirus in their own ways, but I am getting really fed up with my neighbors. They keep having these “unmasked” parties and it’s really frustrating to watch people being so irresponsible. What the problem really boils down to is that my daughter, who is nine, and their daughters who are 10 and 12, often played together. Now that this has all happened, we’ve told our daughter she isn’t allowed to go over to their house and my neighbors are somehow “offended.” Without causing a war, how do I get them to understand that what they are doing is wrong and potentially dangerous?— IGNORANT NEIGHBORS

DEAR IGNORANT NEIGHBORS: I couldn’t help but laugh at a meme I saw recently that remarked how we all have to miss recess because one kid couldn’t follow directions. Well, your neighbors are that kid. And while ignorance may be the road they choose to walk, you certainly don’t need to follow. Short of calling the cops to break up their parties, there really isn’t much else that you can do to get them to stop. So, instead of worrying about their poor choices, just focus on your own space. If you are able to stay at home, then do so. If you have to work outside the home but can come directly home, then do that. Limit your exposure to public spaces and remember to always wear a mask or face covering when you leave the house. I think some people are confusing “inconvenienced” with “oppressed.” When it comes to your daughter, I would just be honest with her. You don’t have to scare her or get too deep into the science, but make it clear that it isn’t safe for her to be around her friends right now. Explain to her that their parents aren’t being as responsible with their health as you would like.Until things improve, it’s better just to FaceTime or Zoom with them. This is really hard on kids. We are expecting a lot from them. Please be gentle with yourself and with your daughter. Your neighbors deserve some empathy, too. I know that sounds counterintuitive, but I believe people lash out like this to cover up their own fears. They are projecting their anxieties by rebelling against directives that can save their lives and others’ lives, too. While it’s nonsensical, it isn’t surprising. Just do your part, be a good example for your daughter.

DEAR NATALIE: My best friend has been MIA during this whole lockdown because of the coronavirus. She doesn’t want to FaceTime or really talk much at all. She said everything is giving her “anxiety.”  I’ve tried to be sympathetic, but her lack of communication is really starting to drive a wedge between us. I know we are all very stressed out, but hiding from the world isn’t making it better. She works from home, so I don’t really understand what she is so anxious about. She needs to pull it together or I don’t know how she expects her friendships to stay intact. Any advice on how to help her “snap out of it?”— GET A GRIP

DEAR GET A GRIP: Instead of fixating so much on your friend, ask yourself why you are so frustrated with her. Is it because she isn’t reacting the way that you want her to? Is it because you feel as though she isn’t as “strong” as you? What is your frustration rooted in? My guess is that it is grounded in a lack of control. You can’t control this situation or this virus, so instead, you want to control everyone’s reaction to it. Well, you can’t. Your friend may also feel out of control, but she has turned it inward. If she doesn’t want to Zoom or FaceTime, it’s OK. Perhaps she isn’t feeling like herself. She might be depressed and isn’t up for interacting on social platforms. Maybe getting dressed is too much right now. People who already live with anxiety and depression may be feeling things extra hard, so be gentle. Instead, reach out to her via text and just ask her how she is. She may feel more comfortable texting but not talking. Meet her where she is, not where you expect her to be. Show a little more compassion towards yourself and towards her. You may be surprised how it changes the dynamic.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: This week, take the pressure off of (virtual!) networking and instead, focus on what brings you peace. Maybe it’s time to pick up a book, take a Zoom yoga class or practice meditation. Whatever makes you feel centered during this time will only energize and prepare you for the future.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter @NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

DEAR NATALIE: I am a woman. I hold a bachelor’s degree. Previously, my company tried to force me into accepting a position for 73% of the compensation they had been paying a man without a degree after they had expanded the responsibilities related to the role. I was asking for roughly 85% of what a similar role pays for in a company our size in our area, but I was mocked for asking for a comparable salary. I was able to refuse to accept it at that time, and we had some honest communication about unrealistic expectations and fairness. Now they are using the Covid-19 events as the reason they are moving away from previous practices of posting positions and accepting bids, to unilaterally moving team members wherever they want them with no discussion.  As I understand it, refusing the new position is the equivalent of quitting.  I am looking for another job, but this is a terrible time to find one.  I will have to accept their new approach for now.  What can I do to encourage them to treat me fairly? Any advice you can offer would be appreciated. — EXPECTED EQUAL PAY

DEAR EXPECTED EQUAL PAY: I really applaud you in advocating for yourself when you realized that you were being undervalued. Unfortunately, as we know, white women make around 77 cents to the dollar that men make for doing the same job, and if you are Black, Hispanic or Native American, the numbers are closer to 56 cents per dollar. So what can we do? You already have tried talking with them, and if going to Human Resources (HR) doesn’t sound palatable, the only thing you can do is take the position and continue to look for work. It is disturbing to me that companies would use Covid-19 as a way to exploit workers further, but it doesn’t surprise me. Ask if you can discuss your performance and what action steps you can take to increase your pay. This is yet another example of why unions are so important. HR is there to protect the company, while unions protect workers. I hope because of this situation, more workers can find ways to organize and recognize their collective power. 

DEAR NATALIE: I had been dating a really fantastic woman before Covid-19 hit and it’s been several weeks since we have seen each other. We were sleeping together before this situation, and I suggested on the phone the other night that we should send each other pics or do something online/over the phone to keep things engaging. She really hated the idea and told me I was “pervy” for suggesting it. Now things are really awkward. I just thought it would be fun since everything is so difficult right now. How do I get this relationship back on track? If she doesn’t want to do it, that’s fine, but her reaction seems extreme. Any thoughts? — NOT A PERV

DEAR NOT A PERV: These are weird times, so try cutting her some slack on this one. Maybe she isn’t comfortable being on video right now for several reasons, or maybe she just has no interest in sending anyone intimate photos for fear that they could be used against her or shown to other people. Maybe she is just a private person. There are so many reasons that someone would not want to engage in any kind of virtual intimacy, especially now. While calling you “pervy” was rude, I wouldn’t take it to heart. She may have felt vulnerable and just became defensive. But, sex is a part of relationships, and I can understand your need to want to connect in that way. I would call her and tell her that you didn’t mean to cause any tension, you were just looking for other ways to feel closer to her. Maybe she has some suggestions or ideas to keep the heat at a simmer until you can be together again. This is so hard on everyone's relationships and perhaps now instead of dating, think about “courting” each other with romantic texts, cards in the mail, or surprise gifts left on the doorstep. If those suggestions from a hopeless romantic like me make your eyes roll, find other ways to show your interest. When you are able to be together in person, take it slow. She may need time to acclimate to the idea of seeing you in real life. Everyone needs an extra dose of patience right now. Hopefully you can find your way back to one another by remembering what you liked about each other in the first place. 

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: When in a Zoom meeting, keep yourself muted unless you are asked to join the conversation or need to interject. Then, instead of looking for the unmute button, simply hit the space bar to share your thoughts. Keeping yourself muted helps cut down on background noise, children crying, dogs barking… you get the idea.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter @NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

DEAR NATALIE: I've been in a relationship with this man for almost three years. We both have kids from previous relationships. He’s constantly in a bad mood and takes it out on everyone. It can last for a few days and it often gets to the point that he just ignores us. He never talks calmly and constantly wants to yell whenever I try to talk to him. If he doesn’t like what I say, he just walks away. It has gotten to the point where I don't say anything to him. I try to keep the kids busy, work around the house, but that doesn't satisfy him. Recently, he and my 16-year-old child got into an argument. Now, he doesn't want my child here. He says this so that all the children hear it. He even said he would end the relationship to get rid of my child. I would never choose him over my children. I live in the midwest. With the pandemic going on, I have nowhere to go and not enough money to move out of his house. What can I do to keep the peace until I can get out? — UNHAPPY HOME

DEAR UNHAPPY HOME: My one friend always talks about “runaway money.” It’s her idea that having a little bit of money stashed away could be a good thing in case you need to run away. While a smart idea in theory, it can be very difficult to accumulate runaway money when you have children and nowhere to go. However, starting with a plan can help in any situation, especially when you are in a stressful and unsafe space. Start a runaway fund. Even if you can’t throw much money towards it, every little bit may help when the time is right for you to leave. Write a list of people that you know. Who could you stay with temporarily? What services are in your area that could help you find a safe place until you can get on your feet? Contact women’s shelters and research social workers in the area to find as many resources as you can. In the meantime, it can be really scary to live with an emotionally volatile and verbally abusive person. Intimate partner violence and violence against children are on the rise the longer that people are sheltering-in-place. I would try to avoid interacting with him as much as you can. When you do interact, try to keep the conversation to a minimum. Instruct your children to keep to themselves whenever possible, especially the 16-year-old. As soon as you find a way out, take it. Leave and don’t look back. You don’t need to be with anyone who threatens you or your children. He clearly has issues that run deep and have nothing to do with you. You just happen to be there to focus his anger towards. It isn’t OK and I hope you know that you don’t deserve to be verbally abused. No one does. Please be safe and reach out to someone you trust so that you can safely find a way forward without him. 

DEAR NATALIE: I just had begun to date someone when COVID-19 hit and now it has caused some issues. He is really stressed out and may be laid off. He wanted to know that if that happened, could he move in with me. I think that this is all too sudden, but I know these are strange times. I am lucky that I am financially stable. I told him I did not think it was a good idea, and now he is really angry with me. He ghosted me all last week, but this week he is acting sweet and apologetic. My gut is telling me one thing but he is tugging on my heart strings. What should I do? — EVERYONE IS PANICKING

DEAR EVERYONE IS PANICKING: Did you know that your gut is your very first brain? So when people say, “Listen to your gut,” what they really mean is, “Listen to your most intuitive, primordial self. It knows what’s up.” In this instance, you definitely should take note of what your gut is telling you. If you have a bad feeling, notice it. Examine it. Understand it. I would walk away from this person and situation immediately. I understand that everyone is worried about their futures. We are all concerned about our families, ourselves and the communities we live, work and play in. This is impacting everyone on some level. However, to voluntarily take on more stress at this time is not the safe or sane thing to do. I’m sorry that this person you are dating is struggling. But, if he is laid off, he can apply for unemployment. It is not your responsibility to support him financially. Stand your ground. It isn’t safe to have him move in. You could end up sick or potentially make him sick, too. If he is struggling, you can always drop off meals to him or find other ways to emotionally support him. While we have to give each other some extra slack during these difficult times, we don’t have to invite misery into our lives, either. Don’t be a doormat for his dysfunction. 

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: This is a great time to reassess what your priorities are in your personal life. We have all been changed by this experience, whether we recognize it or not. Don’t be surprised if the things that mattered to you a few months ago aren’t as important now. Reconnect with the people that matter to you. Find joy and comfort in those interactions and let go of the rest.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter @NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci