DEAR NATALIE: I know we are in the midst of so many issues right now, but my best friend’s dad recently died of Covid-19 and they couldn’t have a funeral for him. I live out of town and obviously couldn’t travel during the pandemic to be with her. She is really angry with me, saying that I “should have been there” but there were a lot of factors as to why I couldn’t go. I’ve tried explaining this to her and she just gets really mad. Last time we talked, she hung up on me. I don’t know what to do. I love her. Any suggestions as to how to mend this fence?

— GRIEVING FOR MY FRIEND

DEAR GRIEVING FOR MY FRIEND: I feel so sad for both of you in this situation. My heart breaks for your friend that lost her father. What a horrible time for her. Not being able to go through the rituals of grieving are clearly weighing heavily on her. Unfortunately, sometimes when we are angry and hurt, we lash out at people we love. She probably on some level felt that you were a “safe” place for her to unload her pain. I’m in no way trying to diminish how that made you feel, but she clearly isn’t herself right now and the pain she is experiencing is overflowing into other relationships in her life. Instead of internalizing what she said to you, try recognizing where it is coming from. While it may have upset her that you couldn’t be by her side, we are still in the middle of a pandemic--one that claimed the life of someone she loved very deeply. Her response to you didn’t stem from logic, it stemmed from heartache and pain. Let her sit with that for a minute. Give her space. Instead of calling her right now, just send her text messages saying things like: “I love you.” “I am here.” “I acknowledge your pain and tremendous loss.” My Dad died last May and people have a tendency to say things that can make you feel worse. They don’t mean to, but sometimes validation is all that you are looking for. In a week or two, try calling her again. She may still be upset, but perhaps more willing to hear you. I do believe she will come around. Just let her know you aren’t going anywhere. And then let it be.  

DEAR NATALIE: I live in a “green” zone and I can’t get anyone to go out with me. I keep telling my friends that the bars and restaurants are back open, but no one seems to want to go out and it’s really annoying. What can I do to convince my friends that it’s safe to have some fun again? — GREEN LIGHT

DEAR GREEN LIGHT: Counties can turn “green,” but until people feel comfortable going out, you can’t expect it to be like a light switch. There is a hesitation to resume “business as usual” for many reasons. There is no cure for Covid-19. There is no vaccine. There are no treatments. There isn’t sufficient testing. There hasn’t been a strong national protocol put in place so alleviate people’s stress. You combine that with an economic collapse and some of your friends may not have the funds to “party.” Now that a second-wave civil rights movement is upon us, their attention and energy may be directed towards that. Perhaps they feel like partying is frivolous or inappropriate right now. All of these things could be just some of the reasons floating through their minds that they are afraid to tell you. But you need to hear them. Recognize that we are in no way out of the woods when it comes to the pandemic. As counties move into “green” phases there could be a second wave of cases of Covid-19, as well. Try to take a moment to recognize and understand that this is bigger than you or me. If you want to support restaurants right now, order takeout if no one is willing to go to the restaurant with you. Sit outside together and eat. Shop online to support your local boutiques. You can still do the things you want to do to help keep local economies going, but do them responsibly. We all have a small role to play in preventing the unnecessary spread of this virus. While I understand your desire to get out there and have fun, you can’t hold it against people who aren’t feeling that enthusiastic. Instead, try meeting people where they are and with a bit of compassion.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Have a social media platform? Use it right now to spread awareness and information on topics that can help communities in need. You can still be “on brand” and support your friends and neighbors. They are not mutually exclusive.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter @NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

DEAR NATALIE: I have a friend getting married in August and she is hellbent on a “normal” wedding. Me and my other friend are the only bridesmaids. WE both have young kids and are worried about even participating. She said the venue is assuring her that they are not worried. They are going to be “lax” on the social distancing rules, too. We tried to talk her into postponing it but she doesn’t want to hear it. She’s “over” this and doesn’t think Covid-19 is a big deal anymore. This is the larger issue. What do we do? — SAY I DON’T

DEAR SAY I DON’T: There is no “normal” to go back to. Until there is a vaccine or treatment, Covid-19 isn’t going to just disappear. So, we need to be sensible, understanding and be willing to put things on hold for the greater good. From what I’ve been hearing from some of my friends in the event industry, it doesn’t sound like a wedding right now would even be fun. No dancing, sitting staggered at tables, limited bars, wearing masks… you get the idea. People may not want to come to a wedding if they take care of elderly parents for fear of spreading it to them. They may not want to come if they are immunocompromised or live with someone who is. They may not have the money to spend on wedding gifts because of the economic weight being placed on so many, and they may not have the money to travel to the event, either. Some are depressed, anxious or reticent to even be in public with others right now. She may want to have a wedding but what kind of wedding will it really be? I would stick to your convictions on this one. If you don’t feel comfortable going, I would just tell her that you are not going to go. She could also just have a very small ceremony and then throw a larger party next summer. But, the truth is, you can’t control what she decides to do. You can only make a decision that is right for the health and wellbeing of you and your family.  

DEAR NATALIE: The news has been horrifying to say the least. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do and I feel the weight of everything on me. Between constant coverage of Covid-19 and now all of the police brutality, I’m not sure how to handle it. I want to help, but I feel paralyzed. Do you have any suggestions for the sensory overload? — ANXIOUS ALL DAY

DEAR ANXIOUS ALL DAY: Sometimes, our anxiety is the result of feeling helpless. It’s like we have all this energy bottled up with no place to go. The best thing you can do is be a part of solutions. Research and donate to funds that support equity in your community. Share those resources with others. Make masks for community members. Bake cookies or bring flowers to elderly neighbors and friends. Volunteer to help with voter registration. Do whatever feels right to take the energy and make it constructive.  You are also allowed to take a break from social media and the news. It is OK to find a space for rest in the midst of everything. Reach out for mental health support if you are finding that things are just too overwhelming for you. There is no shame in asking for help. Remember, you cannot pour from an empty cup. 

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: As communities enter “yellow” and “green” phases, don’t feel pressured into meeting people in person. You have every right to set boundaries that work for you in the middle of this pandemic. If you feel more comfortable on Zoom or a phone call, let your contacts know that. Most likely, they’ll be relieved that you brought it up first.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter @NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

DEAR NATALIE: I literally got attacked by family members during a birthday party. No one was wearing masks when I arrived. I had my mask on, and was trying to practice social distancing. My aunt made fun of me for not giving her a hug. My cousin called me a “snowflake” and everyone else was purposefully trying to stand too close to me, cough on me, etc… It was a horrible afternoon. I left about 30 minutes into it. I am so disappointed in how people are responding to coronavirus. I don’t know what I am supposed to do or say when treated with such disrespect. I tried to explain that I wear a mask to protect others and if they wear one too, everyone will be protected. They told me I don’t know anything and that I am a fool for thinking masks will protect you. How do I get through to my family? I’m still really angry and hurt by the whole thing — HURT AND FRUSTRATED

DEAR HURT AND FRUSTRATED: I am so sorry that you experienced such a terrible day with your family. It’s upsetting because you probably missed them and were looking forward to being able to see everyone. To be met with such unnecessary hostility is baffling to me. What are they so afraid of that they had to verbally attack you for wearing a mask? I believe a lot of people are projecting their own fears and anxieties around COVID-19 and the economic impact of it onto others because they are unable to deal with their emotions. In fact, anger is often a mask for grief. We are all grieving what was. I feel sorry for them. They are in a state of denial and because of their fragility, they are lashing out at anything that brings them back to reality. You in a mask was that trigger. You deserve an apology from everyone who treated you with disrespect. You most likely won’t get that, though, so you have to decide how to move forward. Will you go to another family gathering if you are invited? You don’t have to be around people who are treating you this way, regardless if they are your family. If anyone asks, you tell them why. Don’t feel as though you can’t stand up for yourself. You didn’t do anything wrong in this situation. Own your space, own your reasons, own your convictions. People are misdirecting their anger and frustrations instead of looking towards finding solutions through community and self compassion. If only we would recognize our solidarity and that if we stood together, we could really make a change that could impact everyone for the better. The virus is just another way to divide people. Don’t let it steal your sense of peace. 

DEAR NATALIE: My boss is eager to get everyone back to work. We are living in a state that has started to reopen, but isn’t all the way there yet. I am very nervous to be back in an office setting. My partner is immunocompromised and I’ve been working from home and self quarantining with them to reduce any chance that they could be exposed to COVID-19. I have emailed them to explain that I would feel more comfortable to continue working from home until we know for sure that the virus is under control, but they brushed it off saying that “everything will be fine.” I have tried to explain that I live with someone who is more susceptible to the virus and that I’ve been able to complete all of my work from home. This seems to not matter. I don’t know what to do. I need a job. I can’t just quit. Any suggestions? — SHOW SOME COMPASSION

DEAR SHOW SOME COMPASSION: Perhaps it would be helpful if your partner shared with your boss their story and how working from home potentially saves their life. Having to prove humanity and worthiness to someone is a terrible place to be, but in these moments, where some people have lost their sense of empathy, they may need a reminder. Your partner is not a statistic. They are a person. Show your boss how they could be a champion for your partner’s health. This  could flip the script and change their perspective. In the meantime, start looking for another job. If you do have to go back to work, talk to your colleagues ahead of time and let them know your situation. Perhaps you can isolate yourself at the office while you work. It really boils down to an issue of your boss feeling out of control and therefore wanting to exert control in order to regain a sense of power. It is a shame that their unchecked emotions could cause real harm. 

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Are people going to want to give out business cards, anymore? This may be a time to reinvent how you share information with potential employers or colleagues. Who knows? Maybe you print your contact info on individual packs of hand sanitizer or hand wipes? Get creative, make an impression and maybe share a laugh in the process.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter @NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci