DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Having grown up in the 60s and 70s, I hardly consider myself old-fashioned, but when my daughter announced a “buddy” of hers from work was moving into her apartment, I began thinking maybe I’m more like my father than I want to admit.

She has only known her coworker less than a year. She tells me he has a girlfriend, and my daughter has been seeing someone for a few months now. I thought she and her boyfriend were doing really well, but I am having trouble seeing how this new living arrangement bodes well for their continuing as a couple.

Here’s where I sound like my dad when I say I have serious doubts about men and women living together as “just roommates”. Have I crossed the dateline into old fogeyism? --- A MAYBE NOT SO COOL DAD

DEAR A MAYBE NOT SO COOL DAD: You may not be an old fogey, at least not yet, but you do need to give your daughter credit for having good reasons to accept her male coworker as her new roommate. It isn’t all that unusual of an arrangement. For decades now I’ve heard of men and women living successfully together simply as roommates.

Any objections or concerns your daughter’s boyfriend and her roommate’s girlfriend have are between the couples and up to them to resolve.

Bottom-line, Dad, this is not your rodeo.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Our school system went to distance learning in March. It was a disaster to start, but got a little better about a month into it.

The district is going to continue with on-line school until at least November.

My husband and I live with four of our grandkids and our son, who works for the highway administration. He works a lot of nights and weekends, so we are with the kids more than he is. The kids are all school age, and when we first moved in, it wasn’t too bad helping with them. We take over for our son when he’s working, and are used to helping with homework. But like so many out there these days, we didn’t sign on to be their full-time teaching assistants. We had less trouble getting the hang of the on-line technical stuff than we do understanding and supporting them with some of their subjects. We do okay with social studies and what they now call language arts, and for the younger kids the science isn’t bad. But the math, the way they present it to the kids now, is way out of our league, and my husband is a retired engineer!

I guess this is part venting and part my wanting to hear from some of the people who comment here about how they’re handling this distance learning. --- CAN’T MAKE THE MATH ADD UP

DEAR CAN’T MAKE THE MATH ADD UP: To say, “I hear you,” is an understatement. When our oldest child was in elementary school and I was working with her on long division, she announced I was no longer allowed to help her with her math homework.

I know that since our local school system shut down due to the pandemic, they’ve posted a variety of links to help the adults who suddenly find themselves teaching assistants. But for those who are working from home, are not tech-savvy or confident, or who may not be fluent in English, the task has got to be daunting.

If you haven’t yet, check out your school system’s website to see if there’s anything you missed or that’s been added for the new school year. You may find many of your concerns have been addressed. If not, once things start up, you can reach out to the kids’ teachers directly to voice your concerns and ask for help.

Like you, I’m curious to see what helpful suggestions some of my readers can offer.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My brother and I have had issues on and off for the last 10 years. Over the last few years, we reconnected, and it’s been great. We both moved to our home state and were getting along great. 

The other night, he was clearly intoxicated and called my cell phone, which my 6-year-old son was watching videos on. My son brought me my phone, and I could hear my brother screaming on the other end. He was yelling something to the effect of, “Bring your mother the f---ing phone,” and when I spoke with him he continued on with the cussing, telling me how my son should not be allowed to use my phone, and that if I continue letting him, I’ll have nothing but problems with my son, who he called a “little f---er” and so on.

I bit my tongue hoping he was talking in a joking way. Well, he was not, and continued cussing and referring to my son as a “little f---er”. 

Whatever he said to my son hurt his feeling so much that he cried. He loves his uncle so much.

I waited until the next day to confront my brother. I told him how his behavior hurt my son and that I hoped that he was just having a bad day. Well, as I figured would happen, he told me to never speak to him again. 

He has three children, two of them have birthdays this month. They have been estranged for about 10 years and he does not have relationships with them. They have not been a part of his life since they were five and six. So I figure he was just dealing with that in a bad way. Even so, I will not allow anyone to speak to my children that way.

I guess my question is, do I try to mend this relationship, or do I let it go? Last time I let it go, it lasted 5 years.

Our father passed away in 2011 and I do not speak to our mother. My stepmother just passed away a few weeks ago. I am running out of family. --- BROKENHEARTED SISTER

DEAR BROKENHEARTED SISTER: I rarely see anything being gained by permanently cutting someone off after a confrontation. Without communication, there’s no hope for healing. However, that doesn’t mean a cooling-off period isn’t useful.

Right now feelings are raw, and if your theory is correct about your brother having a particularly bad time because of the absence of his own kids in his life, then his being around a more intact family may be another aggravation of his pain.

I think you should give it a little time. While how the holidays will shape up in this pandemic world may be uncertain, they could still be a viable excuse for reaching out to your brother one more time. If you’re concerned his being around your children may set off his anger or sorrow, perhaps consider taking the first steps back into his life as a solo act, and then after a meeting or two, you may get a better feel for how advisable it would be to reintroduce him to your immediate family circle.

Protecting your children is a top priority, and if you don’t feel your brother’s ready to behave around them, then there’s no good to be had rushing a reintroduction.