DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I was told by a mutual friend that a good friend of mine has gotten back together with the boyfriend who cheated on her at least twice, that she knows of, during the last time they were together. They were a childhood sweetheart story and sometime between their getting engaged and when they were supposed to get married, he felt the need to sleep with someone else “before it was too late”.

That was nearly a year ago and she kicked him to the curb, which I think was the best thing she ever did. Now I hear she is back with him, and I know why I heard it from someone else. She is too scared to tell me because she knows what I will say. I am not even sure I want to see her for a while, because I know I will tell her exactly how I feel about this guy, even though I have known him since we were all kids.

I know I will get over this, but how do I avoid losing a good friend until I can cool down enough to be calm around her when the topic of her and her ex getting back together comes up? --- DON’T WANT TO EXPLODE

DEAR DON’T WANT TO EXPLODE: I understand your desire to avoid a confrontation that isn’t likely to have a very happy ending, but it might be better to get your feelings briefly and civilly out in the open. Maybe you could tell your friend you heard she’s back with her ex, and that since she already knows your take on the matter, you need to avoid it until you can digest this new development. However, you’d be glad to talk to her about other topics, just not this one right now.

Given this guy’s past performance, it might also not be a bad idea to keep tabs on her through your mutual friends, and if history repeats itself, hopefully your friend can rely on you to be there for her — minus any I-told-you-so gloating.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: While I was putting my husband’s socks away in his dresser, I found a jewelry box inside a little gift bag. Even though this is our first married Christmas, we said we were not going to spend a lot of money on each other for Christmas this year, so I just got him a couple of little necessary items he needed for work. Now I feel like a cheapskate and want to go out and get him something special, but 1) I don’t know what to get him, and 2) I don’t make that much money and we’re trying to keep our expenses down so we can save up for a house.

I feel happy that he wants to spoil me, a little angry that he didn’t follow our agreement, and sad I can’t afford to get him something really special.

Should I make the stretch and get him something more than just practical stuff? --- CONFUSED MRS. SANTA

DEAR CONFUSED MRS. SANTA: For openers, just because it’s a piece of jewelry, it doesn’t mean it’s an expensive one. Next, if it makes him happy to give you something special, why not let him have that pleasure, without feeling guilty? You got him things he needed; and if you want to do a little more, then something personal from you, like a card, a special photograph in a nice frame, or small token gift that doesn’t cost much but comes from the heart may be even more significant to him than a big ticket item you can’t comfortably afford.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My grandson is currently going through the preliminary phases of becoming a woman. I admit I was surprised when he told me he was in line for the surgery, but I always knew, from when he was a child, that he had a strong feminine side. As a matter of fact, I more than once got into trouble with his dad when I gave him gifts he considered more suitable for a girl.

I want my grandson to be happy, but we had a falling out recently when he yelled at me for still referring to him as “him/he” and not “her/she”. I love him and want to remain an active part of his life, but I told him I am still adjusting and that it will take a little time before I get used to using both his new name and the correct pronouns. I realize even as I’m writing this that I keep using the masculine pronoun when I describe my grandchild, but it seems awkward to keep typing him/her and he/she, especially since at this point, the transition isn’t complete.

I may be an old dog, but I can still learn new tricks. How do I make it up to my grandchild? --- WANT TO STAY IN MY GRANDCHILD’S LIFE

DEAR WANT TO STAY IN MY GRANDCHILD’S LIFE: As far as our culture has come in its understanding of gender issues, a lot of us are still trying to get up to speed in a rapidly evolving world.

It may be that your granddaughter has experienced harsh backlash around the decision to transition, and is in need of the kind of support you want to offer.

I think it would be worth it to reach out to her again, this time using her preferred pronouns and her new name. Written communication could make it easier to catch any potential SNAFUs before you hit send or put it in the mail.

I’d include a plea for more time and some patience from her as you work through your own adjustments to such a major life change.