DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I met “Sarah” while at university. We lost touch for a few years, but then reconnected at a gallery in a part of town I usually don’t frequent. We seemed to hit if off, and started meeting up more and more often. While I can’t claim we’re best friends, I thought we were developing a lovely friendship.

Last week Sarah posted a shot of me dancing with my boyfriend at a wedding. I’d sent it to her because she asked to see a picture of my dress. The entire post was dedicated to speculating on how such a cow could snag such a hot boyfriend.

When I confronted her about it, she laughed it off, saying it was just her idea of an ironic little joke, that plainly she wouldn’t say anything to intentionally hurt my feelings, and so on.

I’m not one to hold a grudge or to be overly sensitive, but this feels like anything but a joke to me. Am I wrong, or is Sarah? --- TOO SENSITIVE?

DEAR TOO SENSITIVE?: My personal policy is to at least try to give someone the benefit of the doubt. It may be as Sarah claims, that she was going for tongue-in-cheek.

If you see value in what’s been a growing friendship with Sarah, then it might be worth letting this go and taking her at her word. If, however, you’re aware that she has a mean or jealous streak, and that this is just the first taste of behavior you’re not comfortable with, then perhaps it would be wiser to back off and not pursue the relationship any further, at least not at this time.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I married into an affluent family, and I love hosting dinners for my in-laws.

My gay brother-in-law, who is my favorite person, always asks if he could bring his lover, who everyone knows is with him for the money. My brother-in-law is rich and has been vocal about being generous with his lover because he is lonely.

My issue is this, his lover is not very well-mannered. Each time he comes to my home for dinner, he acts like he has not eaten for days. He behaves in a way that causes me annoyance, and I end up resenting hosting the family.

It has come to the point where I get anxiety each time I think about it. What should I do? Should I stop inviting my brother-in-law or be honest and say, “Do not bring your lover”? --- ANXIOUS HOSTESS

DEAR ANXIOUS HOSTESS: Even though you have multiple issues with your brother-in-law’s choice of lovers, he is, unfortunately, it seems part of the package deal for large family gatherings if you want to avoid hurting your brother-in-law. Think of how you’d feel if one of your relatives invited only you, and not your husband, to a family party.

Whether or not your brother-in-law’s clueless about his lover’s social shortcomings, if his companion makes him happy, then it might be best if you continue to simply and graciously grin and bear his presence in your home.

Since your anxiety seems to center on large dinner parties, I don’t see why you shouldn’t arrange time with just your favorite brother-in-law, without his companion. Make it the type of get-together that would be less conducive to having his unpopular other half along. I’m thinking intimate, immediate family meals, or outings doing something both he and you enjoy, and at which a third wheel would be awkward.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I have been trying to reassure my transgender cousin that she will be welcome at our grandparents’ golden wedding anniversary dinner being put together by our parents. Still, she thinks the older relatives will react badly, and that she has already been through enough with some of her old “friends” and coworkers, who just don’t get why she took the steps she did.

Our grandparents, my immediate family, and several of the other cousins and their families are all supportive, and she knows and appreciates that. It’s the other members of the older generation she thinks will flip, even though they know about her decision. For most of my grandparents’ generation’s relatives, it will be the first time they’ve seen her since the transition, and while I admit they can be old school conservative, we also come from a big Italian family tradition where everyone’s usually made to feel welcome.

How do we convince my cousin we’ve got her back, and that after an initial adjustment, so will at least some of the old-timers? --- WE’RE BEHIND HER

DEAR WE’RE BEHIND HER: Sadly, I think your cousin is being realistic about how she may be received by some family members. While her decision to transition may be more generally accepted these days, it was certainly not something most people had much experience with even a generation ago.

The open reception and support of your grandparents and other close family members can help set the tone, and hopefully, make things more comfortable for both your cousin and the older family members, who may need a little time to get used to the new realities, both within your family and in our society. If you can convince your cousin of that, perhaps she’ll feel more confident about stepping into the wider family circle.