DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I grew up in a household where if you did something to upset my mother, she would let you know immediately and clearly. Sometimes she would yell at us, but not only did we usually deserve it, but as soon as she got it off her chest, she moved on, and that made it possible for us to learn from our mistakes and also get over them.

I wish I could say the same was true of my mother-in-law. She imagines she is being polite and tactful, but when she sees something I am doing she does not like, she tells me how she would do it, and then ends with her usual, “But what do I know?” or some similar dig.

How do you deal with someone who is so good at being passive-aggressive while patting herself on the back for showing me how wrong I can be? --- JUST SAY IT

DEAR JUST SAY IT: One thing that might help is when she offers her, “But what do I know?” comments, you can counter with a direct response thanking her for her input and then detailing what you yourself in fact do know about the subject.

Or you can ignore her attempt to challenge you as you proceed as you’d already decided you were going to.

Either way is a declaration of independence that’ll most likely not please your mother-in-law but will hopefully give you the satisfaction of doing things your way, regardless of how she reacts.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: When my son got married, his sister was one of the bridesmaids. As a matter of fact, my daughter-in-law asked her before she asked her own two sisters, which I thought was a nice way of showing how important my daughter is to her.

Now that my daughter is engaged, she has told me she is only having her best friends as her bridesmaids. When I said she should ask her sister-in-law also, she said she has no obligation to include her in the party, especially since she is having our granddaughter, her niece, as the flower girl. She thinks that is enough and that I am being dumb thinking my daughter-in-law will care because making their daughter her flower girl is her way of including her brother’s family in the wedding party.

My daughter-in-law is a very sweet, sensitive, and generous person. I cannot imagine she will not be stung by being left out of my daughter’s wedding party.

Do you think this was the right thing for my daughter to do? --- NOT PLEASED

DEAR NOT PLEASED: Although it’s common practice, it isn’t by any means a rule that brides have to ask those whose wedding parties they’ve been in to be part of their own.

It’s your daughter’s wedding, and who she chooses as her attendants is ultimately her choice.

While you may be surprised and disappointed by your daughter-in-law’s exclusion, I agree that by having her niece as the flower girl, your daughter’s at least apparently honoring her brother’s and sister-in-law’s close connection.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My son and father have stopped talking to one another because my son refused to take the car my father offered him for free. My son called it a “real piece of sh#t,” which he said will cost more for him to fix up than it’s worth.

My father claims it’s a classic that only needs some TLC to get back to top shape. It’s a ’69 Corvette and was my dad’s dream car, which he saved up for years to buy and kept running for years until he wasn’t able to give his time and money to keeping it up.

In all honesty, it has gotten a little rough, and my son’s no mechanic, so he may be right that it would cost more to fix than getting a newer second-hand car.

My father told me how he had only been holding onto the car until my son was old enough to take over on it. What was meant to be a special gift has been flatly refused. I can see why it is bugging my father.

Should I try to persuade my son to just take the damn car and then do with it what he wants just to keep the peace? --- ALL OVER A CAR

DEAR ALL OVER A CAR: There’s nothing wrong with your wanting to be a peacemaker, but I’m not sure your plan will work.

Your son’s made it clear he has no use for the proposed gift, and your dad can’t see how something he considers a treasure could be deemed worthless by his own grandson.

Beyond perhaps telling your son not to disrespect his grandfather’s old prize, I’d say step back and let the whole thing blow over. There’s little to be gained by you becoming part of an already tense situation.