DEAR ABBY: My mother, who is a young 79 years old, has started eating like an old cow with bad teeth! She never closes her mouth any more when she eats; she chews with her mouth wide open, making smacking noises with each chew. It is very unappetizing to sit across from her at mealtime. Mom is active socially and goes to lunch and dinner with friends, and I wonder how many of them find her eating habits offensive.

Mom never ate like this before. In fact, when I was growing up, she often said, "Chew with your mouth closed!" Abby, I don't want to say anything to her because she doesn't take criticism well. I'm afraid if I said something to her, I'd get the silent treatment for about a week.

Maybe if she reads this in your column, she will recognize herself. I hope so, because not only is it unpleasant to sit across the table from her at dinnertime, I fear she will soon be excluded from lunch and dinner dates with her ladyfriends. -- A LOVING SON

DEAR SON: Don't wait for Mom to recognize herself in my column. Be a truly loving son and take her to a dentist who specializes in older adults.

DEAR ABBY: Perhaps you or one of your readers can tell me why so many people are reluctant to use the guest towels in the homes of people they visit.

I have a basket with soft pink paper towels on the counter next to the sink, but rarely does anybody use one.

Instead, I see "used" places on the heavy pink bath towels that hang from the towel bars. I can understand their preference not to use the terry towel that's there, but why do they shun paper and go for the freshly laundered bath towels? I feel I need to launder them again so they will be fresh for the family.

I've considered displaying a little sign saying "Please use the guest towels," but I'm afraid that would look tacky.

Abby, have others noticed the same thing in their homes? I'd love to understand people's thinking, or hear any suggestions you have. Sign me ... TIRED IN TUCSON

DEAR TIRED: Yes. It's happened to me. I've even had guests dry their hands on the bathroom window curtains rather than use a guest towel.

Five years ago, I published a letter from Mildred Lutz of Wichita, Kan., who asked the same question. I responded with a poem from another reader who had grown tired of having guests ignore her pretty little guest towels ... and here's the poem:

A GUEST TOWEL SPEAKS

by Mabel Craddock, Ventura, Calif.

Please use me, Guest;

Don't hesitate.

Don't turn your back

Or vacillate.

Don't dry your hands

On petticoat,

On handkerchief,

Or redingote.

I'm here to use;

I'm made for drying.

Just hanging here

Gets very tiring.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am an 84-year-old woman who would like to play the devil's advocate, but in this case, I would like to know who the devil is.

An officer of the law, whose job it is to reprimand anyone who is breaking the law, must drive 80 to 100 miles an hour on a freeway, chasing someone who is endangering the lives of everyone on the freeway, including himself.

Abby, how can we expect a police officer (who doesn't know whether he will go home to his wife and kids that night) to drive at breakneck speed for an hour or more, and keep his composure when he finally catches up with the criminal? If he's human, he will lash out at the culprit. Then, it seems to me, everyone is appalled at the behavior of the police officer -- instead of the one who is breaking the law.

Ten-to-one, the criminal is high on something, and though the marks on him are visible, I'll bet he didn't feel the blows as much as the high he was getting on the substance, which gave him the courage to drive that fast.

What say you, Abby? -- ELEANOR FROM BROOKLYN

DEAR ELEANOR: I can understand your frustration, but tolerating police brutality will not reduce our crime rate. The police are trained (and paid) to apprehend criminals. They are NOT vigilantes who may enforce their own code of punishment.

All citizens would be in great danger if taking the law into our own hands became acceptable.

DEAR ABBY: What is your opinion of people who take photographs -- and, in some instances, motion pictures -- of strangers in a public area without their permission?

I am not referring to celebrities, but the general public. -- A.O. IN LOS ANGELES

DEAR A.O.: Photographing strangers without permission is a clear invasion of their privacy. Most people may have no objections, but on the chance that they do, they should be asked first.

DEAR ABBY: Some time ago, you reprinted a brief essay about death. I don't remember the exact wording, but the gist of the piece was likening the individual to a ship -- seen by one group of people as leaving, and at the same time seen by another group as arriving.

This piece impressed me so much that I want it to be read at my funeral.

I wasn't able to keep the newspaper. If you recognize this essay, will you please print it again? -- ELAINE HARPER, NASHVILLE, TENN.

DEAR ELAINE: The piece was titled "A Parable of Immortality," by Henry Van Dyke. Not only have I published it before, it's also in my "Keepers" booklet. Here it is:

"I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength, and I stand and watch until at last she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sun and sky come down to mingle with each other. Then someone at my side says, 'There she goes!'

"Gone where? Gone from my sight -- that is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and just as able to bear her load of living freight to the places of destination.

"Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says, 'There she goes!' there are other eyes watching her coming and other voices ready to take up the glad shout, 'Here she comes!'"

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am writing this in the hope of alerting others to some of the lesser-known symptoms of possible heart problems.

I was a daily runner for 23 years and never thought I would have cardiovascular disease.

For several months as I started my run, I felt a burning sensation in my throat. It kept getting worse, but always went away after about a mile of my three-mile run. I never experienced any chest pains, although toward the end, I did have occasional pain in my upper left arm.

My doctor finally gave me a stress test (treadmill), which showed heart abnormalities.

To summarize: In an 11-month period, I have had angioplasty twice and triple bypass surgery. Some of my arteries were 95 percent blocked although the heart itself was strong.

I'm writing to warn anyone who might be experiencing the burning sensation when engaging in strenuous activity such as jogging, running, mowing their lawn, etc. I had had several EKGs, which did not reveal the artery blockages. Please inform your readers that everyone should have a periodic stress test. You may use my name. -- JOHN A. HARDAWAY, LEAVENWORTH, KAN.

DEAR JOHN: I'm sure there are many people living healthy lifestyles who think they have no need to worry about cardiovascular disease, but you are evidence that a healthy lifestyle may not be enough; screening is also necessary.

According to Dr. Rodman Starke, senior vice president of the American Heart Association, coronary artery disease resulting in heart attack is the single largest killer of American men and women. He said: "Each year, as many as 1.5 million Americans experience a new or recurrent heart attack, and about 500,000 of them die. That is why early diagnosis of coronary artery disease is so important."

Dr. Starke and the American Heart Association urge everyone to learn the warning signs that signal a heart problem: uncomfortable pressure, fullness, squeezing or pain in the center of the chest that lasts more than a few minutes or goes away and comes back; pain that spreads to the shoulders, neck, arms or jaw; chest discomfort with lightheadedness, fainting, sweating, nausea or shortness of breath.

Not all the warning signs occur in every patient, but if some begin to occur, get help immediately because the delay could be fatal.

Readers, please don't let John's story be your story. Talk to your doctor as soon as possible about a cardiovascular evaluation, and if you have experienced any of the warning signs, call 911 or your local medical emergency hotline immediately.

DEAR ABBY: My 14-year-old son recently passed away and I was amazed at how rude people can be at a time like that.

Several people sent plants to the mortuary with a note for certain people to take the plants home with them. One family even sent a plant with a note on it asking that the plant be returned to their home after the funeral!

The funeral director told us that this was becoming a real problem for them as it was causing a great many hurt feelings.

Abby, please tell your readers if they want funeral flowers given to a certain person, they should have the flowers sent to that person's home, not to the funeral home. A grieving person doesn't need any more pain. -- GRIEVING IN BUFORD, GA.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)