DEAR ABBY: In a recent response to a woman who questioned her moral obligation to wear a wedding ring, you stated that the "presence of a wedding ring does not necessarily mean the wearer is married." Your readers may enjoy a love story which proves the wisdom of that remark.

During the Korean War, a girl in a small city in Maine was working her way through college as a waitress at a restaurant popular with the employees at the nearby air base. A young lieutenant who was a regular thought she was absolutely beautiful and had spoken with her many times. But he couldn't ask her out because she wore a gold wedding band.

One evening at closing, she and the lieutenant were the last to leave, and he lamented aloud about the "slim pickings" for the thousands of Air Force men stationed in the area. Then he said he wished she had a twin sister who wasn't married.

She studied him for a long moment, then confessed that she really was single. Her father had suggested she wear her late grandma's ring to work to help cool off us jet jockeys!

That admission forever changed their lives. The waitress became a pediatrician, and she and her now-retired husband have four grown children, and just celebrated 43 years of marriage. Grandma's ring is still on her finger. And we give daily thanks that it now signifies the wearer is married. -- LUCKY IN LOVE IN LIMESTONE

DEAR ABBY: For many years I was housekeeper and mistress to a wealthy individual. He has recently announced his engagement and I am no longer employed by him.

Because of our friendship, however, he has provided me with a sizable income and has put my husband and me in his will. My husband and I have decided we don't need all this money and would like to give most of it to charity.

Can you advise us where we can find information on charities, and how we can evaluate them? -- WONDERING IN FLORIDA

DEAR WONDERING: It is wise to check out any organization to which you are considering donating money. The National Charities Information Bureau has information that can be obtained by writing to Dept. 40, 19 Union Square West, New York, N.Y. 10003-3395.

Your local Better Business Bureau is also a good source of information, particularly if you are considering donating locally. The Council of Better Business Bureaus publishes an annual charity index that's available for a fee. Write to: 4200 Wilson Blvd., Suite 800, Arlington, Va. 22203.

DEAR ABBY: In light of your recent column about the origin of "It's not over until the fat lady sings," this should be brought to the attention of your readership:

According to "Annals of the Metropolitan Opera" (1989), Zinka Milanov never appeared as "Mimi" in "La Boheme" at that theater. The role itself quite simply was not congenial to her formidable voice, temperament and extraordinary ability as the reigning dramatic soprano from the late 1930s to the mid-1960s. -- RAYMOND JARVI, PROFESSOR OF SWEDISH, NORTH PARK COLLEGE, CHICAGO

DEAR PROFESSOR JARVI: Thank you for setting the record straight. Now I regret that I didn't consult my good friend Charles Nelson Reilly, who is an authority on opera.

DEAR READERS: If you would like your letter published, please include your name, area code and telephone number.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I found the enclosed clipping from your column in a collection of favorite articles compiled by my late sister. I think its message to the elderly bears repeating. -- 80 AND HOLDING IN RIVER FOREST, ILL.

DEAR 80 AND HOLDING: Thank you for sending it to me. I agree, the rules are worth repeating. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: When my husband's mother came to live with my husband and me 23 years ago, she made our lives so miserable I vowed I would never bring such misery to my children if I ever had to live with them. One day, I wrote myself a letter containing some rules. I put it in an envelope marked, "To be opened on the day I go to live with one of my children" -- then I put it away.

I've been widowed and self-sufficient for eight years, but I was recently forced to give up my job and move in with my daughter. I'm submitting that letter. Perhaps your older readers might benefit from it, as I intend to. Here are the rules:

-- Give what you can toward your keep. Any budget will stretch just so far.

-- Keep yourself clean and neat. Fresh undies and daily baths are a must.

-- Remember, it is their home. Give them privacy at every opportunity.

-- Try to make your own friends and develop interests outside the home.

-- If you suspect they would like to go away on a vacation but are hesitant because of you, offer to visit another relative or friend so they will be free to go.

-- Don't offer any advice or express any opinion on family matters unless asked.

-- Volunteer information that they might be too embarrassed to ask for, such as arrangements for your burial, hospitalization, etc.

These rules were written more than 22 years ago. I read them often and am determined to keep them. -- 76 AND HOLDING

DEAR ABBY: Three years ago, after 27 years of marriage, I went through a divorce. My husband had become involved with another woman and refused to break it off, so I really had no choice.

I have picked up the pieces of my life and put them back together little by little. I have not dated since my divorce. I needed this time to heal and to work on rebuilding my life. A shattered 27-year marriage is difficult to get over quickly.

There is a very nice man from a neighboring community who lost his wife to cancer about a year ago. We went to the same school and church. I know him and his family; however, I don't know if he is dating anyone. I'm almost sure he doesn't know that I am alone now.

Would it be OK for me to write him a note or give him a call? I know times have changed, but I don't want to appear too pushy. It's been 30 years since I have dated, but now that I'm alone, my thoughts keep drifting back to this man.

What do you think, Abby? -- YOUNG AT HEART

DEAR YOUNG: It would certainly be OK for you either to give him a call or send him a note. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I wish you well. Please keep me posted.

DEAR READERS: If you would like your letter published, please include your name, area code and telephone number.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: In reference to the letter from "Ignored Mother," who received no cards, gifts or telephone calls on Mother's Day:

I, too, received no such recognition on Mother's Day. I have two sons and two daughters-in-law between the ages of 35 and 40. One son has not recognized Mother's Day since he was in grade school. The other son and his wife occasionally send a card or telephone me -- but not this year. However, it's OK with me.

The older son lives 1,200 miles away, and he has picked up my deductible on Medicare hospitalization. He and his wife, whom I couldn't love more if she were my own child, phone me every week. They frequently send me little gifts and pay for my costly medication.

The other son lives next door to me. I am unable to drive, so he takes me shopping on the one day he has free from work. He comes running when I need things done that I can't do myself. (He even put a new roof on my house a few years ago.)

Who needs Mother's Day? -- MARGARET C. SMITH, NORTH FORT MYERS, FLA.

DEAR MARGARET SMITH: Obviously you don't. However, the royal treatment you receive from your children did not just happen. They learned the joy of giving at their mother's knee.

DEAR ABBY: The way our house and our neighbor's is situated, our bedrooms face each other. Now that the hot weather has arrived and we keep our windows open at night, I can hear them making love. They have sex every night, and sometimes I am awakened at 3 a.m. to the moaning and groaning of their ecstasy.

I am thrilled that they are having such a great sex life -- I wish it were me (I am divorced without anyone special in my life) -- but I don't want my teen-aged daughters who are in the next bedroom hearing them.

I am puzzled as how to handle this. First, I'd be very uncomfortable bringing this up. Second, I think they have a right to make love as often as they choose and keep their windows open to take in fresh air. So how can I stop the noise without stopping them? -- PERPLEXED IN GARLAND, TEXAS

DEAR PERPLEXED: Write a note to the neighbors telling them that you are very happy that they have such a glorious love life, but they should be aware that their most private moments are not as private as they think they are.

DEAR ABBY: Although "Gary" and I have been married almost 55 years, he has never called me by my name. If he is outside, he knocks on the wall, rings the doorbell, or throws something against the house or window. If he's inside, he pounds on something or shouts "Hey!"

He refers to me as "Mom" when he talks to our family about something that concerns me.

My name is not unusual or hard to remember. My friends use it when they speak to me, but Gary refuses to. I have asked him to give me a pet name, but he isn't interested.

Abby, this is a real problem for me. What should I do? -- STEADY READER IN OHIO

DEAR STEADY READER: What did your husband call you 54 years ago? That would have been the time to insist on being called by your name. Tell Gary you will no longer respond to "Hey!" and will ignore him unless he addresses you by name -- then see if you can wait him out. But don't hold your breath; a deeply rooted habit more than half a century old won't be easily broken.

DEAR READERS: If you would like your letter published, please include your name, area code and telephone number.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)