DEAR ABBY: When our beloved son, Joel, was killed as a passenger in a one-car accident in October 1993, my husband and I were adopted by his college fraternity. These boys have surrounded us and enveloped us with love. It began at the funeral, when they all wore black armbands and openly showed their grief. An elderly friend said, "All we ever hear about are the others. If these are the youth of our country, then America is safe."

Joel's fraternity brothers initiated my husband, Patrick, into the fraternity and made me the chapter's first "Sweetheart of Sigma Pi." We are the only parents invited each year to their formal (where we present the Joel Patrick Sahli Award, named after our son). We receive Mother's Day and Father's Day cards, and phone calls, notes and postcards from European graduation trips. We are invited to their weddings, and they never pass through our area without visiting.

We would, of course, wish for our son back in a heartbeat. But we feel his presence through his brothers, who each carry him in their hearts. Loyola Marymount University's Sigma Pi are the epitome of kindness and love -- they are the BEST! -- ROSALINDA SAHLI, CARMEL-BY-THE-SEA, CALIF.

DEAR MRS. SAHLI: Thank you for your uplifting letter. I was delighted that so many readers responded to the suggestion that they write about the acts of kindness they had received. Since good news offsets the stressful tragedies we read about daily, I'm gratified to be able to print more of these heartwarming stories. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Recently, while traveling through Mississippi, I panicked when I realized that I had left my billfold with credit cards and cash in the restroom of a gas station in Jackson, Miss., over two hours ago. As we turned back to try to find it, we doubted we could -- but hoped to avoid the complications of losing credit cards, etc.

When I got to the gas station, the employees informed me that a customer had found the billfold, turned it in, and that it had been held for me and I would have received a phone call about it that night, had I not returned. Through tears of relief and disbelief I tried to reward the employees -- but they would not accept anything, saying that maybe someday someone would do the same for them. -- JOLEEN LEWIS, SHAWNEE, OKLA.

DEAR ABBY: I was on my way to San Antonio, Texas, when my car had a blowout. A darling lady stopped to help me change the tire. The mechanics had put the lug nuts on my tire crooked, and had tightened them with an impact wrench -- so one lug stud was completely broken off, and the threads on another had been stripped. Not only did she help change the tire, she also followed me back to the nearest gas station, which was 20 miles from where the blowout occurred. Because of the damaged wheel, the trip back at 40 miles per hour took a lot longer than it would have at normal speed. She remained with me until I could locate a service station to help me with the wheel.

These days, very few people stop to help others; it's just too dangerous. However, that made no difference to this generous lady. She is truly one of God's angels here on earth. -- KAY HOLMES, SAN ANGELO, TEXAS

DEAR READERS: These letters, and those I printed last week, are only the tip of the iceberg. In coming months I will share more of these uplifting letters with you.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Bill and I had 46 years together before I lost him to cancer. He was the kind of husband every woman needs.

In 1949, I had nine benign tumors removed from both breasts. Consequently, instead of a pretty bustline, I was left with two "bags."

Six months later, Bill and I were engaged. Three weeks before our wedding day, I found more lumps in my breasts. Heartsick, I told Bill and asked him if he wanted to call off our wedding. I told Bill if they operated again, even the "bags" might not make it.

He put his arms around me and said, "Don't worry, honey, whatever comes, we'll handle it." Then he smiled and added, "I am very fond of tangerines -- I never cared much for grapefruit."

Thank God it turned out to be scar tissue, and I went on to nurse all of our four wonderful children.

Abby, wasn't he a sweetie? -- VIRGINIA IN FLORIDA

DEAR VIRGINIA: Yes. You were blessed with an angel in disguise. My condolences on the loss of your sweetheart, who deserves a special place in heaven.

DEAR ABBY: "Wondering in Florida" expected to inherit a substantial sum of money and wanted information on charities to which she could donate.

I would like to remind her about colleges and scholarship programs when considering where to donate her inheritance. Education is expensive, and many qualified students cannot afford it. Establishing a scholarship program can be very rewarding.

Small colleges are the most forgotten and are in dire need of scholarship programs. Several years ago my husband and I set one up, and we're leaving our estate to a small college from which we graduated.

It is gratifying to know where your money is going. I have compiled a scrapbook of the many thank-you notes we have received from the recipients of our scholarships. Believe me, the money is appreciated! -- GLAD WE DID IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR GLAD: Yours is an excellent suggestion. Few deeds are more rewarding than helping a deserving young person create a bright future.

DEAR ABBY: "Angela in Savannah," a pharmacy intern who expressed frustration at the ignorance of her patients, asked, "Have you ever known anyone to EAT a suppository?"

Well, I have. During my nine years of nursing, I have known doctors to prescribe vaginal suppositories to be dissolved in the mouth for oral yeast infections. Guess what? It worked beautifully.

What Angela perceived as ignorance was a lack of communication between patients and the medical community. Consider this: When did the use of suppositories come up in your normal day-to-day conversation? How is one correctly used? Proper use of medication is not intuitive. If we, as medical professionals, convey the message that people would "know" such things, we discourage them from asking. By doing this, we contribute to their ignorance.

Perhaps we've forgotten our roots. The word "doctor" comes from the Latin word "docere," which means "to teach."

The most important lesson I have taught my patients: "There is no such thing as a dumb question." -- A LONGTIME NURSE, MORENCI, ARIZ.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: A year ago, my son learned that a girl he had dated in high school 30 years ago was living about an hour's drive from where he lived. He hadn't seen or heard from "Susan" since he joined the Air Force in 1966. When he heard that she was in the hospital recovering from heart surgery, he went to see her. Well, that was the end of his marriage to "Jan," a kind, loving wife and mother.

He left a wonderful wife for a selfish, conniving divorced woman. I still consider Jan my daughter-in-law. Never will I accept the home-wrecker he married. He has alienated himself from his brothers and parents.

Abby, please tell people who feel nostalgic never to rekindle an old flame. The fire my son started has burned his entire family. Now, we have only ashes for memories.

Jan still is considered a member of our family. She always is included in family gatherings. He is not even invited. -- BITTER IN OHIO

DEAR BITTER: Although your relationship with your former daughter-in-law was a good one, all could not have been rosy between your son and Jan. Had his marriage been solid, he would not have been tempted by his old flame.

Please talk to your son. Perhaps he had good reason to leave Jan for Susan. If so, be more supportive of his choice and more accepting of Susan. You can remain friends with Jan and include her occasionally, but in the interest of family harmony, make time for your son and his present wife.

DEAR ABBY: I am 60 years old. Somewhere in the past, I acquired the habit of pushing my plate toward the center of the table when I finished eating.

My ladyfriend, who was born and educated in England, says this really gets on her nerves.

I never noticed it before because I have always thought it was proper -- that it signals to the server that you are finished with that course. Please advise. -- SERIOUS IN BOSTON

DEAR SERIOUS: Pushing one's plate toward the center of the table is not proper. To signal the server that you have finished eating and are ready to have your plate removed, place your knife and fork together diagonally across the upper right corner of the rim of your plate. The knife blade should face inward and the fork should be on the inside.

DEAR ABBY: In a recent column, Mrs. Mamie Geraci of Metairie, La., explained how her late husband, an embalmer, removed rings from the deceased. She said the technique also would work on the living.

When I was 14, my mother gave me an amethyst for Christmas. I have worn it for almost half a century. As the decades passed, my fingers grew fatter and the ring became more and more difficult to remove. Several years ago, it would no longer come off. It was becoming painful, but I didn't want to destroy it by cutting it off.

My wife and I tried Mrs. Geraci's solution, which worked in less than a minute. I am so happy to have the ring off, with both it and my finger still intact.

Thank you for a practical but little-known tip. -- FREDERIC ZERLA, TAMPA, FLA.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)