DEAR ABBY: I am 16 years old and heartbroken. A 15-year-old friend of mine died recently. His name was Cliff and he had been "huffing" (inhaling) propane.

Although Cliff had been huffing for a long time, he told me that he had stopped. Foolishly, I believed him. Friday night he decided to do it again. He was with a friend who tried to stop him, but Cliff was determined. He said he knew what he was doing -- that he had done it a hundred times before. Cliff huffed for about five minutes that night before he died.

All of us are traumatized -- his church, his family, his friends. We never thought this would happen to us or to him. After all, he was only 15 and had his whole life ahead of him.

I know teens have seen and heard all the "Just Say No" ads, but they seem to think nothing bad could ever happen to them. That's what Cliff thought.

I hope to make two points by writing this letter. The first is: DON'T DO DRUGS! Just because propane and some other inhalants are not illegal, doesn't make them safe. They can still kill just as quickly as an illegal drug, and either way you're just as dead.

The second point I want to make is this: If you know somebody who is huffing, or doing any kind of drugs, BE A RAT! Tell their parents, or another adult you can trust who will help you do the right thing. I didn't do it -- and look what happened.

Don't wait until you have the guilt and shame that I have for not telling someone. I could have told his parents, or my mom, or someone else -- and they would have helped Cliff. But I didn't do it, and now he's dead.

Abby, I want everyone to know about this. I know this won't bring Cliff back, but maybe it will make somebody stop and think. Please don't print my name. Just sign me ... HEARTBROKEN IN VIRGINIA

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Thank you for wanting to alert other teens about the danger that inhalants and illegal drugs pose. It's too bad that you will never know how many people will read your letter and re-think their attitude about "huffing." But bear in mind that there is only so much a person can do to save others. At some point, they must help themselves.

DEAR ABBY: I am responding to the letter from Edith concerning women who don't drive and are constantly bumming rides.

Edith is obviously ignorant about that situation. I am a 52-year-old woman who does not drive. Not only do I not relish bumming rides off people, I despise it!

I suffer from panic disorder. Very few people understand this condition. All my life people have told me, "You'd be so much better off if you would learn to drive."

The truth of the matter is, if I didn't kill myself behind the wheel, I'd probably kill someone else. (Maybe Edith!) -- NO NAME, NO TOWN

DEAR NO NAME: Driving is not for everyone; at least you recognize your limitations. However, panic disorder is treatable. Your physician can refer you to a mental health professional who can help you find ways of managing this not-uncommon condition, and advise you about national support groups.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband is a football fanatic. He watches football on Monday nights, Thursday nights and all day Sundays. And it's more than just watching the games. He belongs to two football leagues, one of which he runs.

Leagues mean a draft party, weekly mailings, daily phone calls, faxes and computer entry time. Pepper that with a tri-monthly night out with the boys and miscellaneous sports events, and there is very little time left for us!

We are newlyweds, and this is not what I expected from a husband. He doesn't see this as a problem, and has made it clear that things will not change. He believes that it is I who makes this a problem.

Abby, I don't even want to bring it up (again) because undoubtedly it will mean a fight. I do not expect him to give up football, but I would like him to at least compromise. Am I being unreasonable?

It appears to me that my options are:

1. Let him do his thing and get busy with my own. (I feel like I'm single again.)

2. Complain about it, which is no fun for either of us.

3. Leave him.

What do you think? -- MATELESS IN MILWAUKEE

DEAR MATELESS: If football is taking the lion's share of your husband's time to the point where you feel you're single again, and he refuses to compromise, perhaps immaturity is the problem. If that's the case, and both of you are willing to work at it -- marriage counseling is in order.

If, however, your husband is having trouble deciding which is more important -- you or the football league -- then forgive me an old Abby-ism: Ask yourself, "Would I be better off with him, or without him?" This is not a cop-out. It's the solution to a problem that only you can solve.

DEAR ABBY: I am a dental hygienist with a question that continues to plague me. Why don't patients brush their teeth before they go to the dentist?

I routinely ask patients when they arrive if they need to brush, and often receive replies such as, "That's what I pay you for," or, "I only ate a little something since I brushed -- it won't bother you."

This attitude constantly amazes me because I consider brushing one's teeth prior to a dental appointment the same as taking a bath before seeing one's doctor for a physical.

Abby, this is not unusual. I frequently encounter this situation, and am perplexed as to why patients don't brush. -- TICKED OFF IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR TICKED OFF: They practice poor oral hygiene because they are in a hurry, or they don't enjoy brushing their teeth. It doesn't take a leap of logic to conclude that patients who don't bother to brush their teeth before visiting the dentist's office probably lapse in cleaning their teeth between appointments, too. When you're faced with this problem, I see no reason why you shouldn't ask offenders to please rinse their mouths before you begin.

CONFIDENTIAL TO "LOVES PEOPLE" IN LOUISVILLE: Mae West once said, "I only like two kinds of men: domestic and foreign." You're in good company!

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My son (I'll call him Earl) was married in Palm Beach to a girl he has lived with for some time. Her family is quite wealthy. The wedding was elaborate and must have cost more than $75,000. Earl's mother, my ex-wife who is also quite wealthy, and I hosted the rehearsal dinner for 80 guests and shared the nearly $4,000 in expenses. My present wife, our daughter who is a junior in college on scholarship and full financial aid, and I flew in from our home in Los Angeles for the ceremony. We sacrificed to attend and give the newlyweds a cash wedding gift. Our total cost for the occasion was more than $5,000.

My home and business were destroyed in the earthquake in 1994 and my wife and I have been struggling ever since.

My problem: Earl is a talented rock musician. His dream is to have a career in music, and he has asked me to give him money for expensive equipment for a studio he intends to build in his home. His 30th birthday is in late November.

I don't know how to handle this. I want to help him. Don't tell me to co-sign with him for a loan because when I did that before, I ended up paying the whole amount. Part of me says, why didn't they spend our wedding gift for the studio or opt for a smaller wedding and use some of that money for their future?

As a divorced father, all I was ever asked to provide for my son was money, and this seems to be the ongoing scenario. What should I do? -- EMBARRASSED IN L.A.

DEAR EMBARRASSED: If you are considering going into debt to come through with the birthday gift your son is soliciting, I urge you to reconsider.

You are overdue for a loving but frank talk with Earl about the financial facts of life. At 30, he's old enough to arrange other financing to advance his career.

DEAR ABBY: Regarding the 19-year-old bride-to-be who resented being asked her age: The insensitive comments made to her by others had nothing to do with how old she looked. They were meant to suggest that she was making a big mistake because she was too young to be contemplating marriage. While statistics support the increased fragility of early marriages, those insensitive people should have trusted that "Irritated" and her fiancé had discussed the pros and cons and made a mutual decision to marry.

If some people believe that 19- and 20-year-olds are too young to take this important step, my advice to them is to keep their doubts to themselves, and wish the engaged couple the best of luck.

In the meantime, "Irritated" could just smile and respond, "Yes, we are young, but that means we'll have more happy years together." -- ROBIN CAUSEBECK, ROCKFORD, ILL.

DEAR READERS: I would like to pass along a lesson in life that is well worth remembering:

An old philosophical fable tells us there once lived a lion who was so self-confident and ferocious that he devoured a bull. Having succeeded in this incredible feat gave him such confidence that he roared.

A hunter heard the lion's roar and promptly shot him. The moral of that fable is abundantly clear: "If you are full of bull -- keep your mouth shut."

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)