DEAR ABBY: After reading in your column about the man who insisted on picking up hitchhikers, I had to tell you about a tragedy I witnessed several years ago while I was on vacation.

I arrived at my destination and was met by my girlfriend, whom I had come to visit. At a stop sign on the way to her house from the airport we saw three men leaning against some bales of hay. They approached our car and asked for a ride. Because our back seat was filled with luggage and groceries, we refused.

We looked back and saw them approach another car that stopped behind us, but thought nothing of it until the next day when we heard on the news that a man and his car were missing. From the description we knew immediately it was the car behind us at the stop sign. We called the sheriff and reported what we had seen.

The next day the news reported that the three hitchhikers had been spotted in Montana. Two days later, the wrecked and abandoned car was located, but there was no sign of the driver. A week after his disappearance, the man's badly beaten body was found on a country road.

The three hitchhikers were later seen on a busy Montana highway and picked up and questioned. Then a witness came forward who had seen them with the owner of the car. The hitchhikers finally confessed to murdering the unfortunate driver because he would not give them more money.

When I got home, I told my brother about my close call and he stopped picking up hitchhikers. I hope my true story will serve as a warning to anyone who thinks it's safe to pick up someone who's thumbing a ride. -- A WISCONSIN READER

DEAR WISCONSIN READER: A number of people wrote to say they had safely given rides to hitchhikers years ago. But too many tragedies have occurred in recent years to good Samaritans who generously offered rides to strangers. Just as it is no longer safe to leave our doors unlocked, it is no longer safe to offer rides to strangers. And contrary to popular lore, it wasn't entirely safe in days gone by. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Back in the Midwest in the fall of 1948, my husband and I drove to Chicago to buy a car. At about 6 a.m. on the return trip, we passed through a small settlement near Fort Leonard Wood in Missouri and saw two young men thumbing a ride. They were wearing civilian clothes, but since it was a couple of days before Thanksgiving, we thought they were soldiers on a weekend or holiday pass.

As they neared our car, I felt uneasy, but we stopped anyway and let them get in the back seat.

We had gone only a few miles down the road when the Highway Patrol roared up with their lights flashing, pulled us over, and came up to both sides of our car with their guns drawn. They asked if we had picked up our passengers a few miles back. We, of course, said, "Yes."

They hauled the two young men out of our car, found them armed and cuffed them. Then the officers read us the riot act for picking up strangers.

Abby, those men had stashed a car behind a shed before coming out to the road to hitch a ride. An observer thought it looked suspicious and reported it to the Highway Patrol. We found out later the men had started a crime spree in New York City and left a trail of stolen cars halfway across the country. When someone gave them a ride, they'd wait for a quiet place along the road, force the driver out of the car at gunpoint and take off with the car. They had killed some of the drivers and wounded others.

Abby, death was riding in our back seat that morning. Thank goodness our guardian angels were on duty, because we had five little ones at home.

Tell the kind-hearted husband who believes hitchhikers are all good people that for every honest, needy "thumber" there are a jillion no-goods out there, and his first concern should be his wife and loved ones. -- A LUCKY OKIE

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am really confused. I am 21 years old and I have two small children. I got pregnant and married at 17, so I haven't had much experience at life. I felt if I was woman enough to get pregnant, I was woman enough to take care of the child and raise it as best I could -- and I am doing that.

It never bothered me that I didn't have much of a teen-age life because I had been through a lot and had grown up fast. My husband, on the other hand, was not at all ready for a family. He married me, but when my baby was 8 months old he started messing around, so I left.

When I came back, things were OK -- but then he started drinking a lot and got both mentally and physically abusive. Things just seemed to get worse and worse, so I kicked him out. Then I found out I was pregnant with our second child. I didn't know what to do. He was living with some other girl and still coming to my home, making my life a living hell.

Then he told me he wanted to come back to his family -- so like a fool, I took him back. After my second child was born, I thought things were all right. But then I discovered that he was still seeing the same girl and that she had a baby. He swears it's not his; she says it is.

Now he has decided that he's finally ready to be a father and husband. I don't know what I want to do. I have held on and been through so much for him. But I don't trust him and don't know that I ever will. I don't have the same love for him that I once did.

Should I continue this relationship? Should I call it quits? Do you believe someone can change his whole way of life in only a few short months?

Please help me. I don't know what to do. -- LOST IN JACKSON, MISS.

DEAR LOST: A person can make great strides in changing his or her attitudes if there is sufficient motivation -- but considering your husband's history, I wouldn't bank on this reconciliation. Continue this relationship only on the condition that he agrees to joint marriage counseling with you, and that he make it possible for you to continue and complete your education. That way, if things do not work out, you will be able to support your children without having to depend on him. Good luck.

DEAR ABBY: Your column reaches so many people and is so effective, I have a request I would like to get out to people.

As I visit in a local nursing home, I see a tremendous need for help. So many of the people are lonely for someone to share with.

They love to tell you about their past, and many never get to go outside because the nurses and aides are too busy to take them out for a walk. Each time I take my friend out in the fresh air and sunshine, I can see a difference in her. I live in a warm climate and can do this often.

Even if people just visit and listen to the residents for a while, the people love the attention. Often there are organized activities the director needs help with, if people are reluctant to visit on a one-to-one basis at first.

If any of your readers are looking for a way to cheer up someone else and feel better in return, I suggest they look for ways to help others. Maybe a nursing home is not their answer, but many people need help in various ways.

My plea to your readers: Look for a way you can be of service to another. You will be blessed. -- MABLE'S FRIEND IN FLORIDA

DEAR MABLE'S FRIEND: For years I have pointed out the many rewards of volunteerism. I know from personal experience the satisfaction that is derived from reaching out to others, and I recommend it to those with time on their hands and charity in their hearts.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Your series of columns on "Just Say No" amazed me. I was not aware that there was a shortage of ways to say it.

Any woman over 35 will be able to come up with at least a couple of hundred, since she uses at least one every day. My wife, who shut off intimacy 10 years ago, can furnish you with at least 1,000 suggestions.

Some of her favorites are: It's too late; it's too early; we'll wake the kids; the kids aren't asleep yet; I'm too tired; you're too tired; we just did; I've got a headache, a stomachache, a toothache, a backache ... whatever. I ate too much; I'm hungry; I drank too much; I didn't drink enough; it's too cold; it's too warm; I have to get up early; my legs are sore; my arms are sore; I just had my hair done; I should wash my hair; the bed's too hard; the bed's too soft; let's wait until next weekend; let's wait until next month; let's wait until next year.

I was told that a recent survey concerning sex showed that 90 percent of women over 35 in the USA have no interest in sex, while 96 percent of the men do, and that includes guys over 60.

So we can just forget all this nonsense about females not knowing how to say "No." It's pretty obvious that all of them are experts -- so much so that the majority of the male population over 40 is mired in chastity, thanks to a sexless majority of women. Sign me ... JUST SAY NO, MY FOOT

DEAR JUST: I am inclined to be suspicious when it comes to sex surveys. Those who do often say they don't. And those who don't sometimes say they do.

DEAR ABBY: The letter in your column from "Caring Grandparents, Nashua, N.H." made me sick to my stomach. They described how their son-in-law would play "tickle-tickle" constantly with their 3-month-old granddaughter.

I was once married to a tickler who used to constantly torture our infant daughter (and me) with tickling games. Unfortunately, I found out that while I was away at work, this sicko was "tickling" my daughter in inappropriate places. She told me when she was a toddler. I confronted him and threw him out immediately. Later during the child abuse investigation, he flunked a lie detector test.

Now after much counseling, my 11-year-old and I have learned that tickling can be a form of abuse and often masks a child abuser in the making.

Be aware: An innocent "game" could be masking something far more harmful that may cause repercussions through the victim's life. -- VICTORIA IN L.A.

DEAR VICTORIA: You are to be applauded for listening to your child and taking appropriate steps to protect her.

As I pointed out in my answer to "Caring Grandparents," pediatric specialists say that excessive tickling often results in inappropriate stimulation, and should be discouraged.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)