DEAR ABBY: During a recent hospital stay, I shared a room with a younger woman (I am 41, she is about 25). We both had surgery. I was quite miserable and groggy, lying in my bed, and I remember when they wheeled her into the room and pulled the curtain. Her "fiance" followed them into the room after her surgery, and immediately started to make telephone calls -- one after the other -- telling them all the sordid details of her appendectomy. He would hang up, then call somebody else and tell them the same thing.

The woman never said anything -- I think she was still out from the anesthesia. I was happy to hear that he was going home to change clothes. Finally he left, and I drifted back off to sleep. A few hours later, he returned with a ton of aftershave on. Again he picked up the phone and proceeded to hog it.

I finally requested a room transfer, and I'm sure they didn't have a clue as to why I had to get away from him.

If he recognizes himself in this letter, please give a little consideration to the other person in the room. It is a curtain that separates us -- not the Berlin Wall! And don't overkill on the perfume. We are in the hospital because we are sick, and the smell can make it worse. Also, do not hog the telephone to call everyone you know to tell them that so-and-so is in the hospital. GO HOME TO DO IT! -- C.Y., CHAFFEE, MO.

DEAR C.Y.: Thank you for a super letter. I'll bet this goes up on a couple of hundred bulletin boards in umpteen hospitals.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 48-year-old happily married woman with three adult children. The youngest one is graduating from high school this year. My mother died six years ago, and my father married a woman who has a personality that's very difficult for me to like. (We don't know anyone who really likes her.)

We have them over, and as far as she knows, everything is fine. But she not only comes between Dad and his family, she also creates an atmosphere where none of us can be ourselves.

We would love to see Dad by himself sometimes (when she comes over she takes over the conversation).

We don't want another happy occasion spoiled, as has happened so many times in the past.

Abby, when there is a second marriage, is it unreasonable to ask the parent not to include the new spouse in some family get-togethers? -- STUCK IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR STUCK: I wouldn't recommend it. Play it safe, bite your tongue and invite her.

DEAR ABBY: My dear friend has a habit that is driving me crazy. She comes to my house often, which is not the problem. But when she is there, she checks out any invitations, notices or upcoming events I've circled and put on my refrigerator or clipped to a magnet. She then asks who, what, when and why. I've become so uncomfortable I put everything away when she comes to visit.

It's not funny anymore when she "jokingly" says, "Oh, you're doing this with your other friends." We spend a great deal of time together, but I do have other friends and I don't always want to include her. Do you have any suggestions? -- HATE TO BE RUDE

DEAR HATE TO BE RUDE: Your friend is trying to put you on the spot, but you are under no obligation to justify your other activities to her. The next time she comments, say, "Yes, I'm looking forward to that." Then turn the conversation to another topic.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: Easter is nearly here, so if you plan to surprise a child with a live rabbit, baby duck or chick, please consider this: Living creatures need proper care. Unless you are absolutely certain that the little pet will receive the care it needs to survive, please give a stuffed bird or animal instead. Baby animals, regardless of how cute they are, should not be given to young children on impulse. Animals are not "toys" to be mauled, abused or neglected.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I can't get a letter that I read in your column out of my mind. It was from "Happily Selfish Parent," who wrote that today's young people want everything and people of her generation wanted only food, shelter and clothing.

I would like to point out that all of the things she thinks we "have to have" -- television, computers, answering machines, pagers, CDs, videos and microwaves -- did not exist in her day. She couldn't want items that hadn't been invented yet. Nor was she bombarded by the media to desire such things.

Let me ask her this: Did you consider newfangled inventions like radios and telephones important? How about electric lights and indoor plumbing? It's all relative. Don't be a sour grape. -- LIVING FRUGALLY AT 35

DEAR LIVING FRUGALLY: I defended today's young people in my answer to "Happily Selfish Parent," but not as eloquently as they did themselves. They responded in droves. Most of them had part-time jobs while they went to school (some held more than one). Many have budgets and savings plans. Some have never borrowed from their parents, but of those who did, the majority paid back all the money. They purchase their "luxury items" with their own money.

One young reader summed it up very well: "Financial irresponsibility is not a generational trait but one that spans genders, races and ages. Please don't take your own family's shortcomings out on a whole generation. We have proven that we deserve better."

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem I haven't seen before in your column. My husband and I went to the wedding of a co-worker of his. A few weeks after the wedding, my husband's co-worker handed him a card, which turned out to be a thank-you note, generically thanking us for the lovely gift. The problem? We had not yet given a gift.

We and our friends are divided. Some say we are off the hook for a gift, since it would be embarrassing to the couple to receive a gift after sending us a thank-you note; others say if we were intending to give a gift, we should do so. We're curious as to what you say. -- WAITING TO HEAR

DEAR WAITING TO HEAR: If your husband does not come forward stating that you have not yet sent a gift, someone else may not receive the thank-you that is due.

DEAR ABBY: While I was moving a few boxes in the garage of our Montecito, Calif., home, I spotted an aging envelope. The postmark was barely legible: Atolia, Calif., Sept. 3, 1933. The writing was definitely mine. Enough of garage cleaning; I retreated to the porch overlooking the nearby Santa Barbara harbor.

Comfortably seated, I carefully opened the deteriorating envelope. The first few lines brought both memories and a smile. It was a love letter I had written decades ago while employed as a miner far out in the California desert. The letter was directed to a girl in Hermosa Beach, Calif., whom I must have loved very much. Gazing at the boats leaving the harbor, my mind was flooded with memories of the girl in Hermosa Beach. How well I recalled her laughing smile and diminutive size.

My thoughts of the distant past were interrupted by someone calling from the other end of the porch. A lovely woman was approaching holding a new gray suit. "You will look real handsome at our 50th anniversary next week," she said.

It was the girl from Hermosa Beach -- older, but as attractive as ever. -- DOUGLAS AND JUANITA ROBERTSON

DEAR DOUGLAS AND JUANITA: Congratulations on your 50th wedding anniversary. May you enjoy many more decades together.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: About a year ago, when I was five months pregnant, I found hidden pictures of my husband and his former girlfriend. These weren't just ordinary pictures -- they were very graphic sex pictures. I was devastated. I thought maybe he had forgotten about them, but when I confronted him, he admitted going down to the basement on occasion to look at them.

I know that he has not even spoken to her for years, so why would he take a chance to keep such pictures hidden in our house?

He is a wonderful husband and a great father to our two children. I really do trust him, but I am still upset a year later.

He has told me over and over that he is sorry, and I have forgiven him, but I just can't get this out of my head. I think about it all the time and have become very insecure.

Please print your reply as opposed to a personal reply, as he may get the mail first and think I am crazy for still having this hang-up. Sign me ... INSECURE

DEAR INSECURE: The timing of your discovery could not have been more unfortunate. But since he hasn't spoken to this woman in years and is a wonderful, trustworthy husband and a great father, you would be wise to quit torturing yourself over the incident. If you feel the need to dwell on something, count your blessings and dwell on them.

DEAR ABBY: I remodel houses for the Veterans Administration. I happen to be female, but I can lay flooring, hang Sheetrock, paint, wallpaper -- anything except electrical wiring.

I make frequent trips to hardware stores and lumberyards. Because I am small, my husband accompanies me to do the lifting and loading. Clerks in these stores frequently ignore me, but offer to help my husband. If I ask a question, the clerks invariably direct their answer to my husband.

Sometimes my husband will tell the clerk to talk to me, and sometimes I step between my husband and the clerk, smile and say, "I am the carpenter and the buying customer." The older male salesclerks are more set in their notions about women doing this kind of work, so I prefer female or young male clerks who are accepting of a female carpenter.

Forgive my bragging, but I also do crossword puzzles in ink. -- LADY CARPENTER IN LOUISIANA

DEAR LADY CARPENTER: Gloria Allred would love you. You have broken the gender barrier, making it easier for other women to go where females formerly feared to tread. More power to you!

DEAR READERS: About 20 years ago, a man named Howard Singer came to my office to repair a television set. Observing all the mail that was being handled by my small staff of secretaries, he said, "My wife would be perfect for such a job; she was a top-notch secretary for many years."

"Have her stop by the office for an interview," I suggested. Well, to make a long story short, Sylvia stopped by. I interviewed her, and gave her about a dozen letters to answer -- and the sample was ample!

Sylvia Singer had uncommon common sense and wit, and she was a marvelous addition to the Dear Abby staff until she retired four years ago.

She passed away on Feb. 8 -- leaving a brokenhearted husband and a small army of friends and admirers, including me.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)