DEAR ABBY: I work for a sports arena, but please don't reveal in which state. Several times a year, people are "caught" having sex in the upper decks of the empty stands.

They are caught because television cameras are very powerful and can zoom in for a close-up of the subject from several hundred feet away.

Of course, these images never make it on the air. However, they usually do end up on videotape -- and through the miracle of satellite technology could end up in every TV sports department in the country! Abby, this is just a warning to those couples who think they are getting away with something. -- IT AIN'T A SECRET AT THE GAME

DEAR AIN'T A SECRET: Thank you, dear reader. You have just performed a public service. Amorous readers who are tempted to wink at convention should bear in mind that the lens of a camera never blinks.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I had different reactions to a couple we know. I'll call them "Jack and Jill." My husband considers Jack to be one of his best friends, so he asked him to be his best man in our wedding.

Shortly after we announced our engagement, my parents threw a party for us, inviting only family and those in our wedding party. It was such a special event that my husband's parents flew across the country to be there. Much to my husband's dismay, Jack and Jill never showed up. When we saw them a few days later, they explained that they had made other plans.

A few months before the wedding, my sister planned a bridal shower for me. Jill was invited. She never came. I saw her that evening and she said that she forgot. This really hurt my feelings.

About a month before the wedding, a couple of the groomsmen called me to find out about the bachelor party. I called Jack, and he said he had not made any plans yet. It got closer to the wedding (a week away) and a groomsman, one of my bridesmaids and I were working frantically to give my husband a bachelor party. We asked Jack to take care of the transportation deposit. The night before the bachelor party, the bus driver called my bridesmaid and told her that he never received his deposit (which had been given to Jack). We then had to track Jack down and get the deposit to the bus company. Luckily, the party went well. The same evening, we had my bachelorette party. Jill never showed up.

The rehearsal evening finally came. Jack and Jill showed up at the church 30 minutes late, with no explanation. Luckily, my husband asked Jack to come to our house to get ready for the wedding so he would be there on time.

Last week we got our wedding album back. We decided to have a barbecue and invite everyone in the wedding party. Jack and Jill accepted. Two hours after the barbecue started, they called to say they weren't coming.

My dilemma: I do not want to make any more plans with this couple because they make no effort to see us. My husband thinks I am being mean when I tell him not to invite them to any of our functions. What do you think? -- FRUSTRATED IN FLORIDA

DEAR FRUSTRATED: I think you have been incredibly tolerant. After Jack dropped the ball so many times, I'm puzzled why your husband continued to want him in your wedding party.

From their track record, I see no harm in continuing to invite Jack and Jill to your functions, because the odds are, even if they do accept, they will not show up.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: In all the 33 years I have read your column, nothing has appalled me like the letter from the live-in who described herself as "Almost No. 2." She said, "He left his wife and two kids because the responsibility gave him no time for himself." What idiocy!

What kind of woman would want a man who shows no responsibility for his own children, but expects him to parent HER kids? These people are sick, sick, sick! You were much too easy on them with your answer. Stand tough, Abby. -- MARY EGAN IN DALLAS

DEAR MARY: I advised the woman not to try to defend her position, which was indefensible. I do not flog those who write to me, even when I disapprove of their actions. Mine is an advice column -- not a whipping post.

Believe me, my readers got the message. The letters are still flying in. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have never been as angry as I was after I read the letter signed "Almost No. 2." She said, "Nine- and 16-year-olds don't need a lot of attention." These are critical ages in their lives, and being ignored by their father because he "needs more time to himself" is clearly child abuse.

When people ask why the kids aren't around, "Almost No. 2" and her boyfriend should tell the truth: "We want them around only when we have nothing else better to do." That's the message he's sending out to his kids.

If his children are too much of a responsibility, he should have kept his pants on. These two deserve each other. -- MOM WHO LOVES TO BE WITH HER SON

DEAR ABBY: "Indefensible" is the word! The next time people ask why Matt, "Father of the Year," doesn't see his own children, they should be told he simply doesn't give a damn. And when they ask "Almost No. 2" how she could defend him, she should tell them because she's still "Almost."

After she actually becomes "No. 2" and Matt gives her the "I need my space" story, I'll be looking for a letter in your column signed "WHAT WAS I THINKING?" -- or, perhaps, simply, "DUH." -- CLIFFORD WILLIAMS, MALDEN, MASS.

DEAR ABBY: What a wonderful couple these two make! She's insensitive, while he is simply a cad.

My brother and I (both now in our 20s) were fortunate to have an understanding stepmother who realized that our relationship with our father shouldn't change regardless of the marital status between our parents. Our father continues to spend a lot of time with us.

We are now professional, responsible adults who were fortunate to receive all the love and support both parents could give.

I hate to think that Matt's kids will never get that support from their father. Child support is not an expression of love -- it's an obligation -- and believe me, those kids are intelligent enough to know the difference. -- THANKFUL IN CAPE CORAL, FLA.

DEAR ABBY: As I read that letter I could literally feel my blood pressure rising. I wanted to reach out and strangle "Almost No. 2."

This is a personal issue to me, Abby. The day before my sixth birthday, my father left my mother for another woman. I missed having a male role model. I missed having a father's hug when I needed it (and I did need it -- to this day I have never hugged another man). I missed having a father there to congratulate me and praise me during those special times in my life when I accomplished something.

My father tried to reconcile when I was older, but it wasn't the same. We no longer talk -- yet I still love him. The only way I followed in his footsteps was to become a volunteer firefighter like he had been.

Children, regardless of age or gender, need their father. "Almost No. 2" should accept his kids as he accepts her. If you print this, please use my name; I hope my father sees it. -- CHRISTOPHER M. OTT, HARLEYSVILLE, PA.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 21-year-old Mormon girl who attended church every week until last March. I did not curse, drink or smoke, and I was a virgin. I was the "girl next door." I was respected for what I believed in and had many good friends.

In March my life was turned upside down. I was raped. I couldn't believe this happened to me, but it did. I couldn't tell anyone -- not my parents, not my church counselors, not my friends. My parents learned what had happened through the police.

I had filed a crime report, but I could not make myself sign the charges. The man who raped me wasn't charged since I didn't sign the papers, so he's walking around free to do it again.

I feel so used, so bad. I feel completely worthless, and I'm sure no one will ever want me. Because I couldn't face the church members, I quit going, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to attend worship services again. I feel too guilty to go back, although I know it wasn't my fault.

I'm trying to forget the rape and put that nightmare behind me so I can get on with my life.

Abby, I had always planned on being a virgin when I walked down the aisle. I didn't want this to happen, but it did, and now I don't know if I'm a virgin or not. I know this is a strange question, but I need to know. Please help me. -- RAPED VIRGIN

DEAR RAPED VIRGIN: You may no longer be a virgin, but because the act occurred against your will, the church may consider you still a virgin.

In time you may be able to face your church counselors to inquire; meanwhile, call your local rape hotline, or the Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network (R.A.I.N.N.) -- 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) -- to be referred to your nearest rape treatment center. They will understand your trauma and reach out to you in this time of emotional devastation. You are not alone -- it is estimated that every two minutes a woman is raped in this country.

Please don't delay; call the hotline TODAY. You've suffered enough.

DEAR ABBY: As many of us get older, our sight and hearing are not what they used to be.

When old friends and acquaintances see my well-known and beloved father, they often rush over and jump into conversation, giving him no clue as to their identity. Even worse, they will say, "I bet you don't remember me, do you?"

Abby, if Dad could see well, he would have known them in an instant because there is nothing wrong with his mind or memory. Please tell your readers that when they run into a friend who has a vision or hearing problem (or for that matter, anyone they haven't seen in a long time), they should introduce themselves immediately -- and add an extra hint: "Hi, Jim, I'm Alex Smith from Salinas, Calif."

This courtesy will not only be greatly appreciated, but probably will lead to many warm and wonderful recollections. -- PATRICIA IN RENO, NEV.

DEAR PATRICIA: I'm willing to wager that everyone who reads this has been approached by someone who has said, "Hi -- I'll bet you don't remember me, do you?"

Thank you for a valuable suggestion well worth remembering.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)