DEAR READERS: Can you believe it? It's Valentine's Day already! And what better time to revive my Ten Commandments of Love.

Yes, dear readers, I actually had the chutzpah to write my own Ten Commandments. But it wasn't as though I was stealing from strangers; one of my ancestors was privileged to have received them on Mount Sinai from the Lord himself -- at least that's what the Good Book says.

Originally, I wrote two sets of commandments -- one for men and one for women. Then Mandy Stillman, a lawyer from Milwaukee, pointed out that one set of commandments should apply to both men and women. She was right, of course. So how's this for a gender bender?

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF LOVE

-- Put your spouse before your mother, your father, your son and your daughter -- your mate is your lifelong companion.

-- Do not abuse your body with excessive food, tobacco, drink, or any foreign substance that goes into your arm or up your nose.

-- Remember that cleanliness is a virtue.

-- Willingly share all of your worldly goods with your mate.

-- Do not forget to say, "I love you." Even though your love may be constant, your spouse needs to hear those cherished words often.

-- Remember that the approval of your spouse is worth far more than the adoring glances of a hundred strangers, so be true to him or her, and forsake all others.

-- Permit neither your business nor your hobby to make you a stranger to your spouse. The most precious gift you can give is time.

-- Keep your home in good repair, because out of it come the joys of old age (not to mention its resale value).

-- Forgive with grace, because who among us does not need to be forgiven?

-- Honor the Lord your God every day of your life, and your children will grow up to bless you.

Today, be a sweetheart. Call someone you love and say, "I love you." (Make two or three calls; who says you can't love more than one person -- in different ways, of course.)

Go through your closets and give all those clothes that you've been saving until you lose 10 pounds to your favorite charity. Call someone who's lonely and say, "I'm thinking of yu." Or, better yet, say, "I'll be over tomorrow to take you to lunch, run some errands for you, or give you a ride."

Visit a sick friend. Say a prayer. Donate some blood. Adopt a pet. Will your eyes, your kidneys and all your usable organs to someone who can use them after you're gone. Forgive an enemy. Hug your teen-ager. Write a fan letter. Listen to a bore. Pay your doctor. Tell your parents you think they're wonderful. Spay your dog. Neuter your cat. Quit smoking. Drive carefully. If you're walking, watch where you're going.

And don't wait until next year to be a sweetheart again. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: Like "Examining Life in Ohio," I also dreamed of a soul mate after a long so-so marriage in which neither of us was fulfilled. After my husband died, I adopted a "leave the door open a crack" attitude toward every man I met. He might not be handsome, articulate or well-dressed; he might be too short, too fat or bald, but underneath might lurk the man of my dreams. Well, I finally met him!

How did we know we were soul mates? Because we never stopped talking, could read each other's minds and were comfortable with each other from the day we met.

After five months we were married. He was 69 and I was 68. We've had seven glorious years together, we are still reading each other's minds, and neither of us can shut up! -- BARBARA MILLER, EL CERRITO, CALIF.

DEAR BARBARA: Lucky you, and may it ever be thus. Your experience reminds me of an old saying, "It may take some searching, but there's a lid for every pot."

(Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband passed away suddenly from a heart attack seven months ago. We had been married 15 years and have two children, 14 and 15. He was a very loving husband and great father. We had a wonderful life together.

A short time after his death, I began having strong feelings for his unmarried brother, "William." I always liked William, but since he is the direct opposite of my late husband, I never expected this to happen. Now I am head-over-heels in love with William.

When I confessed my feelings to him, he held me and kissed me and helped me cope with the loss of my husband, but he refuses to get any closer to me. He says he feels guilty because I was married to his brother.

I have talked to his family and mine, and most of them just want me to be happy. My children adore him. I know my dear late husband would have no objections. He loved us both and would want us to be happy.

William and I see each other about three times a week and we get along great, but he is still reluctant to touch me except to hug me goodbye when I leave. Is it wrong to pursue this? -- A.J. IN S.C.

DEAR A.J.: You are still in the process of grieving the loss of your husband, and it is understandable that you find yourself turning to his brother. However, it is seldom wise to make serious decisions during a period of mourning.

Give yourself some time. Find a grief recovery group and attend some sessions. Focus on your needs and those of your children during this difficult period. Your emotions will eventually stabilize and you will be in a better position to judge your feelings for William. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

DEAR ABBY: I'm responding to "I've Dealt My Hand," who was upset because her husband's card parties went on until midnight. I would like to share my solution:

On the night of the card parties, instead of staying home and seething, "Dealt" should go out for dinner and a movie with women friends. Or, if she has any interests, pursue them: Join a gym, a book club, a quilting or sewing club, take a class in art or music, whatever. Or, she can take a nap before the "boys" come to play cards so that she won't miss so much sleep.

One thing I learned early in my marriage was to stop staying at home and whining because my husband wanted to do something with the guys that I wasn't interested in. "Dealt" should cultivate a life of her own, too. -- BEEN THERE IN HAYWARD, CALIF.

DEAR BEEN THERE: I agree with your practical philosophy. However, the majority of my readers were angered because the husband seemed to be forcing his will on his wife rather than being concerned with her happiness. They felt that his card game should be secondary to her comfort. Of course he should be concerned with her comfort, but she should also be willing to take a back seat to his needs occasionally.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a man who loves to travel. I especially enjoy the nightclub shows I've seen. However, I do NOT enjoy being part of the show.

A female performer (in Las Vegas) once picked me out of the audience to go on stage with her so she could sing to me. Even though I politely refused, she was very persistent and even involved the audience in coercing me to go on stage. I would have walked out, but I had paid a lot of money to see this show.

The audience enjoyed it, but I felt like a fool standing up there on the stage while she sang to me.

How do you think I should have handled this? -- EMBARRASSED IN GREENVILLE, S.C.

DEAR EMBARRASSED: You could have refused by saying emphatically, "No way; I paid to see this show, not perform in it."

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am living with a guy (I'll call him Ron) who has an ex-wife and three kids. Whenever there is a family reunion or any kind of family gathering, Ron's ex-wife is invited. I do not like this woman and feel very uncomfortable around her.

Abby, since they have been divorced for nearly five years, she is no longer a part of Ron's family. I realize she's the mother of his children and they are a part of the family, but SHE is not. I am divorced myself. The only thing my ex and I have in common is our son, and I never get invited to his family affairs, nor do I even think about going.

What do you think about this? -- HAD IT WITH FAMILY AFFAIRS

DEAR HAD IT: Apparently Ron's ex-wife has maintained a friendlier relationship with her former family than you have with yours. Therefore, if you are going to attend reunions and other family gatherings with your live-in guy, you had better learn to tolerate her presence.

DEAR ABBY: What does one do with wedding pictures after a divorce? My daughter has given me strict orders that she doesn't want to look at them again.

These are large wedding portraits that include many family members along with the once bride and groom. Some of the relatives have passed away and the photographs are precious to me.

I hope you can help me. Please do not use my name. -- CALIFORNIA READER

DEAR READER: On the backs of the portraits, write the names of those in the pictures and their relationship to you, along with the date they were taken. Then put the pictures away. They are part of your family history and some of your relatives may want them someday.

DEAR ABBY: I had been happily married to "Jake" for six years. Then last year, things started to go downhill. His sister committed suicide. I suppose I could have been more supportive, but I've never had anybody close to me die before and I couldn't handle it. Soon after, I found alcohol hidden in cabinets, which means that Jake, who had been sober for 10 years, had started drinking again.

One night, one of his female co-workers took him out and got him drunk. He said all he remembers is waking up in her bed. To his credit, he came home and admitted what he had done. Naturally, I kicked him out.

A week later, Jake collapsed on the job and was taken to the hospital where they found cancer all through his body. I rushed to his side. He begged me to forgive him and promised to stop drinking and to work hard at our marriage for his remaining months.

I don't know what to do. I still love him, but I don't want to get hurt again. He has broken promises before, but I just can't let him die alone. Please help me, Abby. -- TORN APART

DEAR TORN: Please open your heart and your arms to your dying husband. You will never regret it.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)