DEAR ABBY: You recently advised readers to substitute an acceptable word or phrase for curse words. Your examples were "Holy Moses!" and "Gosh darn son-of-a-sea-cook!"

My dad, Dale Lynk, must have had a wider repertoire because he had a longer list of substitutions. However, even they were suspiciously close to the original. His standard line went like this: "Cheese and rice, got all muddy, got damp by a stone on the beach." It must have worked, because I do not remember that he said much worse than that. Thanks for the memory. -- ALLAN LYNK, WADENA, MINN.

DEAR ALLAN: I admire your father's creativity. Read on for another suggestion:

DEAR ABBY: I, too, was a "Cursing Mom" -- mostly in traffic.

When my two sons were old enough to start imitating me, I set up a system of fines. This worked both ways since spanking and time-outs don't work so well. They were fined for "not listening to Mama or Daddy," for hitting, etc. I was fined if they caught me swearing. Each boy would get 50 cents each time he caught me. Both collected, even if only one heard me. It got to be a family joke. I'd put the money in their savings accounts, and once I took them shopping with it.

I haven't had to pay out in a while, and neither of my sons swears, nor do they seem the least bit interested in doing so. (They are now 9 and 7.) I've gotten quite creative in venting frustration. Now, if I get angry in traffic, I make up obnoxious songs about the other driver's bad habits. I hope this helps other frustrated moms. -- TONI BROWN, VIRGINIA BEACH

DEAR TONI: An excellent solution, but not a new one. I recall a famous movie and television star of the '50s, Loretta Young, who had a "swear box" on the set of her show because she wouldn't tolerate bad language.

I have also received mail from readers who feel that substituting other words for swear words is still swearing -- and that those who strive to rid themselves of the habit should refrain from uttering oaths of any kind.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Ned," and I have lived together for seven years, since I was 19 and he was 21. We have no children.

He proposed to me five years ago and I accepted. However, we haven't legalized our relationship yet, although we have been faithful to each other.

Abby, I do everything for him that a wife does: keep house, cook, do the laundry, let him borrow my car when his isn't running (he won't let me borrow his), and support him emotionally.

I work in a coffee shop and don't make much money, but I have bought all our cookware, dishes, linens and curtains, and I help with the utilities as well as pay for all the groceries. It isn't easy on my wages and tips, but I pinch every penny twice, and I eat where I work to save on food expenses.

Ned makes twice the money I do, and consequently he claims he has the right to make most of the decisions in our life. I tried going to college so I could get a better job, but working full time and attending school was very hard. The hours were killing me.

I would like for us to finally get married, but Ned refuses. He says he won't marry me until I get a job that pays enough to handle half the bills.

Abby, I love him, but it seems that no matter what I do, it's never enough because I can't pay half of everything. Believe me, I would if I could.

Have you any advice for me, Abby? -- BEAST OF BURDEN, KINGMAN, ARIZ.

DEAR B.O.B.: Yes. If you want to get married, find another man, one who will value you for yourself -- not your paycheck. Ned is a user. You deserve far better, but you won't get it from this man. You've given enough, and it's time to move on.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I recently was on a sales trip with three colleagues -- two females and one openly homosexual male. I am a heterosexual male. The two females roomed together and I was assigned a room with the homosexual male.

When I complained about this arrangement before the sales trip, my sales manager told me to get over it. I went along with the arrangement; however, I was very uncomfortable the two nights we spent in the room, although nothing happened except some mild kidding at dinner between all four of us.

Since returning, I have been subjected to every joke you can imagine from others in the office, as well as this homosexual male. I have taken the stance that this will eventually be forgotten, but it seems to have taken on a life of its own.

I maintain that pairing me with this person was wrong, as it was the same as pairing me with a female, which certainly would never have happened. What do you think? -- ENOUGH ALREADY IN NEW YORK

DEAR ENOUGH ALREADY: I disagree. There is a misconception among heterosexuals that because a person is gay, that person will be attracted to anyone of the same sex. Nothing could be further from the truth!

P.S. Perhaps your company should inquire about a corporate rate, so everyone could have his or her own room.

DEAR ABBY: I hope you print my letter. I have seen so many letters in your column about what to give on special occasions.

When a person doesn't know what to give someone, gift certificates are the greatest. Most people just love them!

I've given gift certificates to a bride, a new mother and to a recent graduate. The recipients have told me there is always something they need that they did not receive. With the added expense of setting up a new apartment, a new baby or a student going to college -- believe me -- gift certificates were very welcome. -- CATHY IN COUNCIL BLUFFS

DEAR CATHY: I agree; there's much to be said for allowing the recipient to choose something he or she wants. Gift certificates make dandy gifts for almost any occasion.

DEAR ABBY: I just finished reading your booklet, "The Anger in All of Us, and How to Deal With It."

I am 31 years old and learned more about dealing with my anger in the 20 minutes I spent reading your booklet than I ever had before. I got so much out of it.

Abby, I have been dealing with a lot of anger toward my parents (who are now deceased), my uncle and my grandmother. Your booklet helped me see another point of view that will, I'm sure, aid me in resolving my anger. Thank you for offering it to those of us who need help so desperately. -- RONALD IN GARLAND, TEXAS

DEAR RONALD: Everyone experiences anger; it's part of living. However, learning to control our anger in a mature manner so that it doesn't damage us or others takes insight, maturity and practice. I'm pleased that the booklet was helpful to you.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I recently filled in for my husband's receptionist when she was ill. My husband owns the business and I know most of his employees, but this was the first time I had spent any time there.

Abby, doesn't America have a work ethic anymore? What happened to "a day's work for a day's pay"? I was astounded at the number of personal phone calls the employees received while on the job. I am not talking about short calls on breaks. There were as many as three calls in one day for a particular employee. Those were the incoming calls -- I have no idea how many personal outgoing calls the employee made. Not only was that employee's time used for personal business, but the receptionist had to take the calls, refer them and/or take a message. These employees do not consider how much of the receptionist's time they waste, not to mention time for which the boss is paying them.

Abby, this is plain stealing! Had they been emergency calls, I wouldn't have minded -- but calls to plan a party, discuss the highlights she wanted her beauty operator to put in her hair or to make a dinner date are out of line.

I can no longer feel friendly toward some of my husband's employees because of the way they are treating him behind his back. I told my husband, and he was appalled by what I observed. He said his receptionist had already mentioned it, but he had dismissed it and put off checking it out. After my report, he kept tabs on his staff for a while.

I hope my letter makes some employees see how they are hurting their companies. And I hope it alerts bosses to a potential waste of time on the job that robs customers of service and shareholders of fair profits. -- BOSS'S WIFE IN TEXAS

DEAR WIFE: Using the telephone for personal business on company time is not uncommon. It is, however, dishonest and unethical. In a sense, taking time off the job to conduct personal business is theft -- since the employer is paying the employee for his or her time as well as effort.

If personal calls must be made during business hours, the honest thing to do would be to make them during the lunch hour or on break time.

DEAR ABBY: In regard to the letter about the man who shaved his mustache and his wife didn't even notice that it was gone.

My dad wore a "handlebar" mustache for almost 25 years. It was his most distinctive feature. One day when he walked out of the bathroom, my sister and I (both teen-agers) screamed in surprise, and then started laughing. He had shaved off his mustache with no forewarning at all!

However, when my mom first saw him, she didn't notice! She knew there was something "different" about him, but didn't realize it was the absence of the mustache that had been there for so many years. (She said it looked like someone had punched him in the face.)

Thank you, Abby, and God bless. -- STILL LAUGHING IN IDAHO

DEAR LAUGHING: That reminds me of an experience I had many years ago when my husband grew a beard. His was always neatly trimmed. One day out of the blue, he said, "Don't you notice something different about me?"

I replied, "No, but you look younger. Why do you ask?"

"I shaved my beard off," he said.

Well, he grew it back within a matter of months, and as it grayed along with the hair on his head, he looked like a French nobleman. He still has it, and even though his mother calls him "the rabbi," I love it.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)