DEAR ABBY: Were you daydreaming when you wrote your answer to "No Help" -- the 72-year-old widow who couldn't get her daughter, her two sons or her three grandchildren to take care of her house?

Tell her to run, not walk, to the telephone and call a real-estate agent to sell her house. She can use the money to buy a lovely condo or rent an apartment. Then there will be no lawn to mow, no shrubs to trim, nothing to paint -- and her children won't have to wind up HATING her because she's such a burden. She might even have enough money to be able to travel. Sign me ... BEEN THERE, AND GLAD I'VE GONE AND DONE IT, EDINA, MINN.

DEAR BEEN THERE: That letter -- and my answer -- struck a nerve with a number of readers who wasted no time in telling me about it. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: How about a reality check? You missed the first part of the 72-year-old widow's letter. The part she didn't write:

Mom: "Son, when are you going to cut my grass? It's almost 6 feet high."

Son: "Mom, I have to work Saturday, Junior has soccer practice, and your granddaughter has dance in the evening. Besides -- you need to sell that house; you can't take care of it"

Mom: "Oh, I couldn't do that. It holds so many memories," blah, blah, ad infinitum, ad nauseam.

Abby, she has no right to expect her kids to take care of her house. Her children aren't ignoring her. They take her out to dinner and buy her whatever she needs. She's not getting the message. She needs to sell the house and move into something she can handle. Withhold my name, please. -- WEST COLUMBIA, S.C.

DEAR WEST COLUMBIA: I'm not sure that the solution is as cut-and-dried as you state. Some families still take care of elderly family members and are grateful to have the opportunity to do so, but there are other options for seniors who wish to remain in familiar surroundings, as another reader wrote to inform me. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am a caregiver for my elderly in-laws, and the letter from "No Help," which appeared in your column, hit close to home. I, too, was in need of resources to assist with their care and the maintenance on their home.

The local area agency on aging is the best resource for the elderly in need of all kinds of assistance. They can provide literature and lists of services and volunteers to help with housework, home maintenance, transportation, companionship, meals and many other services too numerous to list in this letter. Some services are provided on a sliding scale if there is a financial need. -- A CAREGIVER IN VALLEJO, CALIF.

DEAR CAREGIVER: Thank you for making this helpful suggestion, one I know will be of interest to many readers. If the responses to "Needs Help" that crossed my desk are a fair sample, emotions are running high on this subject.

Another reader, Ed Park of Bend, Ore., wrote that he works with the National Federation of Interfaith Volunteer Caregivers, a national group specifically designed to provide help for seniors or people with disabilities. Write to them at 368 Broadway, Suite 103, Kingston, N.Y. 12401; e-mail them at NFIVC@aol.com, or visit their Web page: www.nfivc.org.

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DEAR ABBY: What is with this trend toward all the vulgar language used in movies these days? Has Hollywood lost all sense of decency?

When the Academy Awards presentations were held in March, did they televise "clips" of the language used in those films? You bet they didn't!

My wife and I went to see "Good Will Hunting" just a week before the awards ceremony. It was hyped to be so-o-o good -- but it was terrible to be bombarded with that vile language. It made me wonder who is judging the quality of the entertainment industry these days. We weren't entertained at all.

Maybe language of that type is acceptable in some circles, but as for us, a night at the movies is off our entertainment schedule for the rest of our lives. -- NO MORE MOVIES, FORT COLLINS, COLO.

DEAR NO MORE: In an effort to put realism into many of the current movies, the industry seems to have gone overboard on the use of vulgarity and profanity. Aside from being offensive to many viewers, the profanity is boring and repetitious.

I'm all for the Motion Picture Association's rating system, which lets children, adults and everyone in between know in advance what to expect before they buy their tickets.

DEAR ABBY: Women often lose one of a treasured pair of earrings. Since it is impractical for a woman to wear the remaining earring by itself, and since she often wears several complementary colors at one time, it would be nice if women were to adopt a "fad" of wearing two different earrings, each of which could match in color a different part of her outfit.

This would enable a woman to still wear beloved pieces of jewelry and not just look longingly at them as they rest on the dresser. -- THOMAS MURPHY, BRADENTON, FLA.

DEAR THOMAS: That's an ingenious solution to a common problem. Women who are comfortable wearing mismatched pairs should be all ears.

DEAR ABBY: I had to write when I read the letter from "Ray in Canada" who has a foot fetish. I also have a foot fetish, and the questions he asked are common.

Abby, people with a foot fetish wonder in the beginning what is wrong with them, but the best bet is to accept themselves just the way they are. Ray could try to suppress his feelings, but the odds are that he wouldn't be happy.

Your advice to find a "sole-mate" was right on. He'll be happy and so will she. Many women are more open-minded than you would think. The vast majority of men who have this fetish are faithful, and when they meet the right woman, she's treated like a queen. -- FLORIDA FOOT MAN

DEAR FLORIDA: Thank you for speaking out. Too bad you didn't sign your name. You'd be inundated with offers from women who are eager to hot-foot it in your direction.

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DEAR ABBY: Memorial Day is being observed tomorrow, and it's shameful the disrespect that's shown our veterans both deceased and living. How many young people do you see at the ceremonies?

I have attended services that were held next to parks. The loud radios kept playing and the ball games never stopped when the flag was being raised, the speakers speaking and honors given.

Isn't it time that some history of our past wars be taught in our schools? Then, just maybe, citizens of all ages would begin showing a little respect for their country and fellow man.

I'm enclosing a summary of proper flag etiquette, Abby. You might want to share it with your readers. -- BARBARA J. McGHEE, SAN DIEGO

DEAR BARBARA: Your letter is certainly food for thought. And thank you for the rules of proper flag etiquette. I'm happy to pass them along to my readers:

FLAG ETIQUETTE

Our nation's flag is to be respected, never defaced or scorned. There are appropriate ways to show respect in the presence of the flag:

During the ceremony of hoisting or lowering the flag, or when the flag is passing in a parade or review, everyone should face the flag and stand at attention with their right hands over their hearts. Military members who are present and in uniform should render the military salute.

When not in uniform, remove your hat with right hand and hold it at the left shoulder, the hand being over the heart. Citizens of other countries should stand at attention. The salute to the flag in a moving column (such as a parade) should be rendered at the moment the flag passes. When driving a car on a military installation and "Colors" or "Retreat" (when the national flag is hoisted at 8 a.m. or lowered at sunset) is sounded, stop the car and wait until the ceremony has been completed. If walking, stop, turn toward the flag, and stand at attention with your right hand over your heart.

When the flag is displayed during the playing of the national anthem, all present except those in uniform should stand at attention facing the flag with the right hand placed over the heart. If not in uniform, you should remove your hat with the right hand and hold it at the left shoulder, the right hand being over the heart. Persons in uniform stand and render the military salute at the first note of the anthem and hold their salute until the last note is played. When the flag is not displayed, those present should face the music and act in the same manner they would if the flag were displayed there.

DEAR ABBY: I support your advice to the young mother considering relinquishing her child for adoption, and I vehemently chastise the woman who disagreed with you, stating that the young woman would deeply regret giving her child away.

The young mother's possible future regrets are not the most important issue because they are not in the best interest of the child. Had my birth mother decided to keep me for fear she would regret it, I would never have been placed with the wonderful parents who raised me.

My birth mother gave me the precious gift of adoption. She selflessly looked beyond her own needs and desires to give me two incredible parents who provided me unlimited love and support. I hope someday to thank her personally, and let her know how grateful I am for her generosity.

I pray this young mother is willing to put her child's needs before her own and to decide what will benefit her son the most. Such a decision would never lead to regret. -- GRATEFUL IN NORTHEAST IOWA

DEAR GRATEFUL: I'm sure you speak for the majority of adopted children.

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