DEAR ABBY: I'll bet the majority of your readers think they'd be able to find their way out of their home quickly and safely if a fire broke out late at night. The sad truth is, only a small percentage of the population is actually prepared to do so. If there were a real fire, that lack of preparation could cost them their lives.

Let me share some frightening numbers with you. The nonprofit National Fire Protection Association asked a similar question in a survey, and our worst fears were confirmed. Although most people feel relatively safe from fire, only 16 percent of those who responded had planned and actually practiced how they'd escape if they had a fire in their home. That means nearly 85 percent of the population will be woefully ill-prepared if fire strikes.

And ill-prepared they are: The fact is, eight out of 10 fire deaths in the United States take place in the home. For that reason, it's critical that all of us practice how we'd escape in the event of a home fire; and then practice an ALTERNATIVE escape route in case the first one is blocked. The only sure way to know is to PHYSICALLY practice escaping before there's a fire. In other words: Hold a home fire drill.

Abby, your readers will have an opportunity during this coming Fire Prevention Week, Oct. 4-10, to join others in their communities in planning and practicing their own home fire drills at 6 p.m. on Wednesday, Oct. 7, during the North America-wide Great Escape Fire Drill. As the official sponsor of Fire Prevention Week for more than 70 years, NFPA has teamed up with fire departments all across the United States and Canada that will sound their alarms to signal the start of this first unified community fire drill. Individual families can then begin their fire drill at home. Information about each community's participation will be publicized locally.

Fire drills are the “Great Escape." I hope none of your readers will have to experience escaping a real fire. But it's something they all need to know they can do, and the Great Escape fire drill is a safe way to find out. -- GEORGE D. MILLER, PRESIDENT, NATIONAL FIRE PROTECTION ASSOCIATION

DEAR GEORGE: Thank you for this important reminder. And readers, don't forget to change the batteries in your smoke detectors. They are your first line of defense against home fires, but only if they're in working order.

PONDER THIS: “Be grateful for each new day. A new day that you have never lived before. Twenty-four new, fresh, unexplored hours to use usefully and profitably. We can squander, neglect or use it. Life will be richer or poorer by the way we use today.

“Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.” (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Kathy in Huntsville, Ala.," who complained that her fiance's ex-wife was too chummy with her fiance and his family. Talk about someone who has no idea how lucky she is! Kathy needs to rethink her objections and count herself, her fiance and his daughter fortunate.

My ex and I have a son. We're both remarried and live in close proximity. Due to joint custody, all four of us parents must communicate on the telephone as well as during drop-offs and pick-ups. How horrible it would be (and has been) if we were not on good terms with one another. We all attend his baseball games, etc., and extended family is often present. We all have a great time socializing with one another. How awful it would be for everyone concerned (especially our SON) if we kept to separate sides of the field and glared at each other.

Kathy has no idea how miserable her fiance's ex-wife could make her life. The ex-wife is trying very hard to be agreeable. Both sides need to do their best to build an amicable relationship. -- BEEN THERE IN CHICAGO

DEAR BEEN THERE: That's practical advice from someone who's been in the trenches. I hope "Kathy in Huntsville, Ala.," reads it and heeds it. Other readers wrote to comment on her letter. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: How can "Kathy in Huntsville" resent her husband maintaining amicable contact with his ex-wife? I come from a broken home. My parents divorced when I was 10, and if my parents had stopped being close friends after the divorce, my sisters, brothers and I would have been crushed. Moreover, it would have given us multitudes of opportunities to play one of them against the other.

The husband's relationship with his ex-wife is a part of him and should be accepted with the package. If Kathy expects him to behave as though she's the only woman in his life, or feels she can't trust him with the mother of his child, perhaps it is the "beautiful new life" she had planned -- and not the man -- that she's in love with. -- GLAD MY PARENTS STAYED CLOSE IN GEORGIA

DEAR GLAD: You have made some excellent points, and you'll get no argument from me. It's to everyone's advantage to maintain a friendly relationship for the sake of the child involved. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My husband was divorced from his ex-wife 15 years ago. He brought two darling little girls into our relationship. Although it was sometimes difficult, we somehow managed to create an extended family, which included his ex. Once she came for Christmas morning breakfast. She occasionally took our son when we wanted to go out (he loved being with his half-sisters). One year, my husband even took us both out with all the children for Mother's Day breakfast. The girls were always delighted to be able to spend time with both families together.

Abby, please tell "Kathy in Huntsville, Ala." that having an amicable relationship with an ex-spouse makes for happier, more well-adjusted children. The girls are now lovely young ladies who are grateful that the adults could set their own insecurities aside to bring a little more joy into their lives. -- A.A. IN MERRITT ISLAND, FLA.

DEAR A.A.: I think you said it very well. Your input is greatly appreciated.

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DEAR ABBY: I need your advice. My mother wants to live with me. I'm 56. She's 78. My household now includes my husband, my unmarried daughter and her son, who is 6 years old.

My mother is in great condition. Her main problem is that she's a hypochondriac and is lonely. She would be miserable living with us, but I can't convince her. She wants to sell her condo, help us buy a bigger home and move in. I've countered that if she ever becomes ill and unable to take care of herself, we could buy a duplex.

Abby, I cannot live with my mother and I don't want to live with her. She wants her own room in the same house, no duplex. I can't even describe the dread this is causing me.

I do not like her. If she were not my mother, I couldn't even be friends with her; I would avoid her. She's extremely self-centered, controlling, overcritical and rude, with an opinion on everything. She's been married and divorced many times, and she has no friends. She turns every conversation on any topic back to herself.

Mother knows that I do not want her to live with us, but she's pushing. She knows that I hate it when she drops in on me unannounced early in the morning, but she does it anyway, saying, "I know this drives you crazy, but ..."

If my daughter or I plan to meet Mother at a restaurant for a noon lunch, she shows up at the house at 10 a.m. to wait for us.

When Mother eats with us at home every week, she samples the food and makes comments like she's the food critic for The New York Times.

I could write pages about her annoying habits. What can I do, Abby? Please help me. -- STRESSED DAUGHTER IN FLORIDA

DEAR STRESSED DAUGHTER: If you want my support, you have it. Do not allow yourself to be pushed into residency with your mother and don't feel guilty about it. Your mother may want to be a bigger part of your lives, but it could harm your marriage if you bow to her demands. Stand firm and enlist your husband to present a united front.

DEAR ABBY: My wedding was called off a month ago. I understand now that God is trying to fix some things in my life before he allows me to take such a big step.

I'm a very insecure person. It is hard for me to trust -- and that caused me many problems in our relationship. However, I am around my "ex" every day. We have the same friends. We broke up with the understanding that we would remain friends.

Abby, my ex-fiance deals with things by avoiding a confrontation. At the moment, he isn't speaking to me, which makes me feel sick at heart. I know he's hurting, too. I want nothing but to be there for him. I don't want to crowd him or make him think I'm chasing him. How do I deal with his ignoring me? -- AMY IN RURAL ILLINOIS

DEAR AMY: It may be difficult to distance yourself from your ex-fiance in your small town, but it would be a happier situation for both of you if you stayed out of each other's sight for a while. It has only been a month since your engagement ended and you are both hurting. Breaking up is painful. Although you would like to continue the friendship as if nothing had happened, your "ex" is trying to put the romance behind him by avoiding you. Give it some time, Amy. Life will get better.

DEAR ABBY: After the death of a spouse, how long should a person wait before starting to date again? -- DOTTIE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR DOTTIE: The usual period of mourning is one year. However, grief is such a personal emotion that no one can presume to make rules that will apply to everyone.

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