DEAR ABBY: Most of us know that people 65 years of age and older need a "flu" (influenza) shot every year. Soon we will see lines of senior citizens waiting to get their flu shots at grocery stores, banks and community centers. Many more seniors will go to their own private doctor to get protection against the influenza virus that kills an average of 20,000 people every year in the United States.

But where are the young people? Millions of people under 65 have certain medical conditions for which flu shots are strongly recommended. Please, Abby, urge your younger readers, including your pregnant readers, to read on and get ready to roll up their sleeves, too!

Flu shots are now recommended every fall for pregnant women who will be beyond the first trimester of pregnancy (14 weeks) during influenza season. Flu shots are also strongly recommended for people of any age who have medical problems such as heart or lung disease, diabetes, kidney disease, asthma, weak immune systems, and for those who live with or provide care for these individuals. Nursing home residents should get flu shots, too, and most do. Flu shots can be given to any person (6 months of age or older) who wants to reduce the likelihood of becoming ill with influenza this season.

While your readers are requesting their flu shots, they should also ask their physicians if they need a "pneumococcal shot." Pneumococcal disease kills up to 40,000 people each year in the United States. A one-time pneumococcal shot is recommended for everyone 65 and older, yet fewer than one-third of these adults have been vaccinated against this disease. This vaccine, like influenza vaccine, is also recommended for many younger people who have certain medical conditions.

Abby, please tell your readers the best time to get their flu shots is in October or November. And let's hope that this year's potential victims of influenza and pneumococcal disease will roll up their sleeves and get the vaccines that can save their lives! -- DEBORAH L. WEXLER, M.D., EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, IMMUNIZATION ACTION COALITION, ST. PAUL, MINN.

DEAR DR. WEXLER: National Adult Immunization Week begins Oct. 11 and runs through the 16th, so I'm pleased to print your reminder.

While I'm on the subject, I'd like to dispel a myth about flu shots. People do NOT get the flu from flu shots. The virus in flu shots has been killed or inactivated.

Readers who are most vulnerable to the flu should roll up their sleeves and line up -- behind me! (I had my pneumococcal vaccination two years ago -- the vaccination is good for a lifetime for healthy adults 65 and older.)

DEAR ABBY: When are you going to get through your thick head the proper status of a tip?

By contract law, a tip is a gift, although tax laws make it an exception to the exception. To request or expect a tip is nothing more nor less than mooching.

Payment of an adequate wage is the responsibility of management and not of the customer. We should patronize establishments that proudly display a sign "Our Help Are Paid Adequate Wages. Tipping Is Not a Courtesy Here. It Is an Insult." -- MOST SINCERELY YOURS, ROLLIE F. EMMITT JR., RETIRED ATTORNEY, PITTSBURG, KAN.

DEAR MR. EMMITT: I respectfully disagree. Although a gratuity is discretionary, tipping is a fact of life in our culture, and many servers rely upon tips to survive. The next time you go to a restaurant, chew on that a while.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-year-old single mother who met a man on the Internet. He is 35 and has two children. He was separated from his wife until recently.

Things were fine between us until his wife got kicked out of her house and had to move back in with him.

I love him to death and want to be with him, but since he is a new pastor and just got a church, he thinks he should try to work things out with his wife. He still sends me e-mail and tells me that he misses me and things are not going well with his wife, but it hurts me that he's with her instead of me.

Abby, should I stay in contact with him? Sign me, ANGUISHED ANGEL IN THE DESERT

DEAR ANGUISHED ANGEL: People can describe themselves any way they want on the Internet, and tell you anything, but until you meet and get to know them, you have no way of knowing how much is truth and how much is not.

Your "friend" is behaving like neither a divinity student nor a new pastor. If I were a betting woman, I'd wager that he and his wife were never separated, and the story about her having to move back in is an excuse to avoid making a commitment to you.

I suggest you cut your losses now, and look around in the real world for a real man and a real relationship.

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Right or Wrong," who was concerned about whether ornamental pins should be worn on the right or the left side. Although there is no "correct" side on which to wear a pin, it should call attention to the wearer's face. For example, an animal pin should always be worn with the animal facing the wearer's face, so the viewer's eye is drawn toward the face, not the shoulder. -- MASTER JEWELER, BEDFORD, TEXAS

DEAR MASTER JEWELER: Although there may be no correct side on which to place a pin, there certainly are a number of opinions on the subject, each with its own point. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: You told "Right or Wrong" that the left side is the correct side to display a pin. Maybe so, Abby, but logic says otherwise. I make the plastic name tags for our church members, and I position the backings so that the only way to conveniently pin the tag is on the right. Why? Because when greeting a person by shaking hands, we always extend the right hand and our eye naturally looks at the right side of the body. If it's worn on the left side, the tag is not as easily visible. -- HAL WALLIS, DALLAS

DEAR ABBY: I wear my pins on the right side, not the left, as you advised "Right or Wrong" to do. The seat belt in my car crosses my left shoulder and interferes with my pin if I wear it on the left. -- RHONDA IN RHODE ISLAND

DEAR ABBY: I just finished the letter about women wearing decorative pins on the left side. I wonder if most women wear them on the left for the same reason that I do: My purse strap goes over my right shoulder, and I don't want it to catch on my pin. -- JAYNE COLLETT, SPRINGFIELD, MO.

DEAR HAL, RHONDA AND JAYNE: To each his or her own, but I don't want to get stuck on the subject of pins.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend I'll call Irene who has many wonderful qualities. She's warm, friendly, funny -- and if you were hungry, she'd share her last biscuit with you.

Her one flaw: She treats her children like indentured servants. Irene thinks nothing of calling a nearby son or daughter to venture out at midnight in this dangerous city to bring her a cup of coffee.

She calls her children daily, demanding they chauffeur her here and there, do her laundry or make repairs.

Abby, despite her health problems, Irene is a big, strong woman, and she's married to a perfectly healthy man.

I've been present on several occasions when one or more of Irene's 10 children were present, and I've yet to hear her compliment her sons. She shouts at them, calls them "stupid," and criticizes whatever they have done for her. She pokes her nose into their business and disagrees with every decision they make. I suspect this is displaced anger toward her first husband, who was a womanizer.

Irene's daughters are not treated so badly, but they mimic their mother's behavior toward her sons; they treat their brothers as badly as Irene does.

Irene constantly complains that her children don't share their good fortune with her, but most of them are struggling to survive. They do share with her to some degree, but never as much as she wants them to. She never fails to bring up the "sacrifices" she's made for them. Abby, all mothers make sacrifices for their children, but it's the love and support the children remember -- not the sacrifices.

Several of her children have told me they dread hearing her voice on the telephone, and they make any excuse they can to avoid going to her home because her hand is always out. Irene is growing older, and I can see the handwriting on the wall. When the day comes that she truly needs their help, her children will put her in a boarding house with strangers and visit her for an hour now and then out of duty. She'll sit there with nothing to do but feel sorry for herself, bitter over her "ungrateful" children.

She hasn't asked me for advice, so I haven't offered any, but I hope she sees my letter in your column and recognizes herself before it's too late to become more considerate and appreciative of her children. Sign me, SAD FRIEND IN D.C.

DEAR SAD FRIEND: Those who read my column rarely realize the problem on the page is also theirs, and I guarantee you that someone as self-centered as Irene will be blind to her shortcomings. However, where there's life, there is hope. Clip this letter and send it to her. I'll bet it will be the 11th copy she receives.

DEAR ABBY: I was married a little more than a year ago, and now my husband and I are getting a friendly divorce. We have told our families and close friends, but my parents are pressuring me to tell all our relatives. I rarely see most of them. How do I go about telling people I see only at holiday and family get-togethers? Please do not use my name. -- ALMOST A DIVORCEE

DEAR ALMOST: Send your relatives a short personal note advising them of your mutual decision to divorce. Also, give them your new address and telephone number if you have moved. It isn't necessary to provide any details about the reason you are divorcing.

Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.