DEAR ABBY: I strongly disagree with your answer to "The 'Whiz-zard's' Wife," whose husband urinates in their yard. You said you suspect the practice is not unusual. My husband doesn't do it, and my ex-husband didn't (except once when he was drunk). My father didn't, and I have never seen my neighbors do it. My husband says this guy is an exhibitionist. I say he's lazy and ignorant, despite his college education. My sympathy to his wife, who sounds like a classier lady than the jerk deserves.

However, I once knew a psychiatrist who confessed to occasionally "watering" the rubber tree in his outer office in this manner. I can't imagine why he disclosed this to me, unless it was to coax me into sharing personal secrets. -- ARIZONA ANNIE

DEAR ANNIE: I can't imagine why he did it, either. It could certainly discourage a patient from using the chair closest to the plant. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: If your assessment of territorial urination is correct, that "dogs and cats do it to mark their territory, and the husband may be doing it for the same reason," then my husband has claimed the city of San Francisco from the deck of a hilltop restaurant, as well as many other cities from the balconies of hotels.

If this has to be psychoanalyzed, I would say it's a form of rebellion. It's one of the few things a highly educated, supposedly well-bred man can do today. My only advice to "Whiz-zard's Wife" would be, "Steel yourself -- the worst is yet to come." -- ANONY-MRS. IN MEDFORD, ORE.

DEAR ANONY-MRS.: You may be right. However, while urinating on one's own lawn might be a matter of personal preference, doing it off a hotel balcony could be a public nuisance, particularly to any pedestrian who happened to be below the balcony. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I just read the letter from the woman whose husband urinates on their front lawn. She asked if this was a "normal male ritual," and you seemed to agree that the practice was not unusual.

I am a male, and I do NOT urinate in my yard. I have never done this, and I don't know anyone who does. I can't think of any time this might be an acceptable practice, unless your front yard is 40 acres and you drive a slow tractor. Perhaps this woman should install a fire hydrant in her front yard and buy a leash.

Your comparison of men to dogs and cats who urinate to mark their territory is degrading and sexist. By the way, neutering does not stop a pet from marking its territory. -- TOM WILLIAMS, HENDERSONVILLE, TENN.

DEAR TOM: I beg to differ with you. I checked again with my veterinary expert, who tells me that although it doesn't always solve the problem, the FIRST thing an owner should do to stop a pet from "inappropriate urination" is to neuter it. (If that doesn't work, the owner may have to resort to drugs for the animal, which are not effective 100 percent of the time.)

I meant no offense when I made the comparison; however, if you were offended, please accept my apology.

Many readers wrote to comment on the letter from "Whiz-zard's Wife." I'll have more on the subject tomorrow.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: You were right on in your response to "Wants to Be a Grandma in L.A."

When we decided to get married, my husband and I agreed that we would have no children. We informed our parents of our decision shortly after we made it. I know they were very disappointed. We firmly believe that having a child should stem from a desire to be parents, not from pressure from prospective grandparents or anyone else. To bring a child into the world for the sake of someone else's happiness or expectations is wrong.

It's possible that "Grandma's" children may not know how to tell her that they just don't want children and are using inability as an excuse. It's one that's been used successfully many times. Grandma should stop being a "yenta," and let her children live their own lives. -- A FAN FOR LIFE

DEAR FAN: Whether or not to have children is a private matter between husband and wife. So is whether to share their decision with others or keep it to themselves. Your families have earned your confidence, but not all families are so understanding regarding a couple's decision to have no children.

Read on for some suggestions that may help couples and prospective grandparents alike:

DEAR ABBY: I would like to respond to "Wants to Be a Grandma in L.A." She had no grandchildren and wanted to ask her son and his wife when they were going to start a family. My husband and I have three grown children in their 40s, and we also have no grandchildren, so I understand her feelings. I have some suggestions for her:

1. Concentrate on how fortunate you are to have children, and consider how sad your son and daughter-in-law must be to be unable to conceive and carry a pregnancy to term.

2. Learn about infertility. There are many good books on the subject, and if you learn more about the testing, various procedures for aiding conception, the emotional turmoil of infertility and the physical difficulties of conception, you'll come to understand what your son and his wife are experiencing.

3. Do not mention adoption to them. If they really want children, they'll have already considered it.

4. If you want a good relationship with your son and daughter-in-law, never discuss wanting grandchildren unless they bring it up and ask your opinion.

5. Stop dwelling on yourself and your fantasies. Find something useful to do that involves children. Many schools are crying out for volunteers to help a few hours a week.

6. If you and your husband are so desperate to have youngsters in your life, why don't YOU consider adopting? -- MARGARET IN ROSEVILLE, MINN.

DEAR MARGARET: You have offered valuable advice and I'm printing all of it. Infertility causes devastating emotional pain for the couples involved, and questions and comments, although well meaning, only add to the pain. If the mother-in-law pursues the subject, she will alienate herself from her son and his wife.

CONFIDENTIAL TO ECOLOGY-MINDED FASHION DESIGNER: In light of the following, perhaps you should reconsider your Earth-friendly designs:

There was a young girl from St. Paul

Who wore a newspaper dress to a ball.

But the dress caught fire

And burned her entire

Front page -- sporting section -- and all.

(Bennett Cerf)

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Almost a year ago, you published a reader's letter that dramatically spoke to the issues that face battered women: "How do I protect my children and myself while I live with my abuser?" The reader signed herself "Living a Nightmare," and her story, though heart-wrenching, was not unlike thousands of other women's in our nation.

You provided a great service to her, not only with your answer that began, "There is always hope," but also by addressing her need to protect herself. You then offered her, and thousands of others who live in a similar situation, a resource, our booklet, "Striving to Be ... Violence Free: How to Create a Safety Plan."

Because of that letter, Perspectives received more than 10,000 requests from as far away as Guam, the far corners of Canada and even Puerto Rico. We also received hundreds of heartwarming letters from women and men who were living with abuse (or knew someone who was) and were grateful for the help. Amazingly, Abby, we never received one complaint.

October is National Domestic Violence Awareness month. I can't think of a more appropriate time to acknowledge your contribution in assisting women, men and children in their desire to live a violence-free life.

You should take pride in the fact that you were one of the first to recognize that family violence is a societal problem -- one you were not afraid to address no matter how much heat you took in exposing it. For decades you have been the voice for victims who were too afraid to speak for themselves. And you have become the conscience for communities who looked the other way by saying, "It's a family problem."

You are to be commended for your compassion, advocacy and understanding of this very complicated issue. On behalf of the thousands of women and men who received our booklet, and those who struggle with the horror of domestic violence, I thank you. -- JEANNIE SEELEY-SMITH, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, PERSPECTIVES INC., ST. LOUIS PARK, MINN.

DEAR JEANNIE: Thank you for your touching letter, and for the thrilling news that your booklet was helpful to so many people. The causes for violence are complex, and escaping from a batterer requires careful planning and preparation.

Readers who want a copy of "Striving to Be ... Violence Free" can order it by sending $4 to: Perspectives Inc. (Attn.: Guidebook), 3301 Gorham Ave., St. Louis Park, Minn. 55426. Include your name and address clearly printed on an address label or sheet of paper. Allow two weeks for delivery.

In order to avoid a confrontation with the abuser, the booklet can be sent to the home of a friend or relative. Again, I emphasize how important it is for the victim to have a well-thought-out escape plan before attempting to leave a batterer. Readers, if you know someone who could benefit from this booklet, be a friend and order it for him or her.

DEAR ABBY: There is an old German proverb: "Who speaks ill of others to you will speak ill of you to others." Do you think this is still true? -- BEKKIE IN BENTON HALL

DEAR BEKKIE: Ja. Absolutely!

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)