DEAR READERS: Yesterday I printed responses from male readers to the letter from "20-Something in L.A." listing her contemporary rules for dating. Today we'll sample some of the feedback I received from women. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I take exception to the dating guidelines offered by "20-Something in L.A." I see no reason why a gainfully employed adult should expect her date to pick up the tab for everything. Moreover, a young woman who lets her date pay for everything may well have a hard time refusing to "repay" her date with sex. Take it from a woman with a few more years of dating experience. Play fair and play safe. -- CARRYING MY OWN WEIGHT IN PORTLAND

DEAR ABBY: Here are a couple of additions to the dating guidelines for females:

Return his call even if you don't want to go out with him. It is rude and poor manners not to. If you don't want to go out with him, tell him so. Better to be honest than to get his hopes up and make him chase you.

If he breaks up with you for someone else, don't automatically blame her. It might be a blessing in disguise. There are lots of other fish in the sea, and hope the next one will realize what he has and hang on.

Be careful. Even though you may think you know someone, you might not. Respect yourself enough to insist he gets "tested" before you have sex. It could save your life. There are enough surprises in dating; eliminate at least one.

Also, my friends and I have discovered that the time when you are least likely to be looking for love is when it finds you. -- 20-SOMETHING IN KANSAS

DEAR ABBY: May I add my own 2 cents? Remember that men can smell desperation. If you are still reeling from a broken heart, take time off before re-entering the dating pool. Second, remember that sex does not equal love. Do not mistake one for the other. -- JENNIE G. IN MISSOURI

DEAR ABBY: I think the dating guidelines from "20-Something" are tacky and old-fashioned. I have never depended on a man for money, and it's worked out fine for me. When I date, we always split the costs. If I'm broke, I'll ask my date for a loan, and I always pay him back. If he offers to pay, I gently refuse. If he persists, I accept the offer as a gift.

Abby, I do not need anyone to help me with my coat or open doors for me. At 24, I'm old enough to dress myself and strong enough to open doors. I do, however, agree with the sex guideline. If a man can't accept the fact that his date isn't interested in having sex, he should be mature enough to call it quits. -- 24 IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR ABBY: It annoys me that there are women in this world thinking up rules for how to relate to men. I would like to believe that I can think for myself and so can the man I'm dating. I'm an individual with individual ideas and desires. Will the men who read her list of rules conform? I HOPE NOT!

If "20-Something" doesn't want to pay, she should have enough guts to say so up front instead of making a list of rules and expressing her disappointment in men who don't follow them.

Abby, it horrifies me to imagine a world in which everyone acts the same and has the same ideas about how to live. Diversity is essential for human survival. -- 24 IN SAN FRANCISCO

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: As a man who has been dating for years, I'd like to respond to the "Rules for Dating" that you printed from "20-Something in L.A." and her girlfriends:

If "20-Something" and her friends think they're getting shabby treatment from men, maybe it's because they're treating men rather shabbily. Men aren't obligated to treat women like princesses, buy them dinner or take them to a movie. It's a gift a man chooses to give a woman, and she shouldn't take it for granted. -- TOM IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR TOM: That column on "dating rules" generated a barrage of responses (some not fit for a family newspaper) from both men and women of every age group. Today we'll hear from the male readers. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I agree it's a good idea to call days ahead and plan a date, and then call the day before to confirm it, but the woman shouldn't cancel at the last minute. Just because a guy is not an Adonis, Fabio or Donald Trump doesn't mean he's worthless. Once you get to know him, the ugly frog just might turn out to be Prince Charming after all. -- WISEGUY TURNED WISE IN ST. LOUIS

DEAR ABBY: Try not to be rude or cold when turning down a date. Remember, a man puts his self-respect on the line every time he approaches a lady. He's nervous -- just as you would be if you were approaching an attractive man for the first time. -- 30-YEAR-OLD ROMANTIC IN KANSAS CITY

DEAR ABBY: These are the '90s. Many women have excellent careers. Often a woman earns even more than a man does. You can't expect the guy to always be the one to pay. If the girl has not offered to pay for something in the first three dates, we regard that as a sign she is just "marking time" until someone she really likes comes along. -- TWO ANONYMOUS GUYS IN L.A.

DEAR ABBY: If you're asked, "What would you like to do?" the man is not being indecisive -- just courteous. Give honest suggestions. "Whatever you want to do is fine with me" gets old -- quick.

If you're going to dinner -- EAT. If you're not hungry, say so beforehand. What exactly are you trying to show your date by leaving nearly all of a $20-and-up dinner on your plate?

If you go dancing with your date and another man asks you to dance, decline -- even if the other man is better looking.

Men are not mind-readers. Speak up or they won't know. If you like them -- and want to continue dating, etc. -- SAY SO. Three words men really hate to hear: "Couldn't you tell ...?"

If you're going out simply because you don't want to go to dinner, a movie, a wedding, a party, etc. alone, do him a favor: Leave him alone. He's a person, not an escort service. -- OTHER SIDE OF L.A.

DEAR ABBY: Be happy with who you are and what you have. Don't expect a man to make you feel good about yourself. Accept the fact that not everybody is born looking like Cindy Crawford.

Don't play games -- be honest and up-front with us. We like that and deserve at least that much. -- MALE READER IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ABBY: The one-size-fits-all set of dating rules would be a problem for many people. Some men feel insulted when a woman offers to share expenses, while others appreciate it. Some women feel insulted when asked to share expenses, while others wouldn't dream of having men pay their way.

Rather than a fixed set of rules, I suggest a novel approach: TALK ABOUT IT! Communication is essential. Discussing dating etiquette provides a quick insight into the other person's values about money and relationships. It also provides an early test of how easily the two of you can discuss and resolve a difficult issue. -- PSYCHOLOGIST IN BERKELEY

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets I and II, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: My father committed suicide when I was a teen-ager. My family never discussed his death and considered it a private tragedy.

I now have two pre-teen children. When they asked me about their grandfather, I lied and told them he died of a heart attack.

Abby, should I tell them the truth when they are older, or should I stick to my story? I want to do what is best for them. -– TORN IN NEW YORK

DEAR TORN: One day your children will find out the truth, and when they discover you lied to them, it will diminish their trust in you. They should be told the truth before they hear it from someone else. Give them only the information they can handle at this age, and expand upon it when they are older.

Explain that your father had an illness -– depression. Although your family chose to keep it private when you were a teen-ager, it's all right to talk about it now. You probably SHOULD talk about it so you can resolve your own grief over your father's death. Because depression tends to run in families, and your children are genetically vulnerable, they should be made aware. It is helpful for doctors to know that a family member suffered from the disease, so please don't keep it a secret any longer.

DEAR ABBY: In response to "Best-Friendless," who wrote about the 61-year-old woman who got a DUI ticket and now blames the friend: The writer stated that forcibly taking the woman's car keys from her "wasn't an option."

YES IT WAS! Twice I have had to take car keys from drunken friends who insisted they could drive. (If they had, they probably would have killed themselves or someone else.) Later, they both thanked me.

On another occasion, I tricked a large male friend (who was almost too drunk to stand) by switching his keys for mine. I simply said, "Hey, you've got the wrong keys," holding out mine and grabbing his. Abby, he "bought" it -– and when he couldn't get his car to start, he just slept it off behind the wheel of his car, which was parked in my driveway. Later, upon reflection, he realized what he'd done and thanked me profusely for "saving a few lives that night." (It's been more than four years and he hasn't touched a drop of alcohol since.)

The point is: ANYTHING is better than a drunk driver on the streets or highways. Do whatever it takes -- remember, one intoxicated person is usually no match for two or more sober ones. You can outwit them -– or you can use force, if necessary. Everyone I've mentioned in this letter was at least twice my size. I'm female, only 5 foot 2, and weigh less than 100 pounds. -– BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, AND I'LL KEEP DOING IT

DEAR BEEN THERE: I admire your gutsiness and ingenuity in switching car keys with your drunken male friend. However, knowing how unpredictable a person under the influence can be, I would never recommend using force to dissuade someone from driving, because it could provoke violence. It's deplorable, but I've seen it happen.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)