DEAR ABBY: I am a single mother with two sons, ages 10 and 18, both of whom I love very much. I am becoming more and more concerned about my 10-year-old, "Trevor." Trevor has many interests and is highly intelligent for his age. But his interests trouble me.

While most boys pour over baseball cards and speak of little girls, Trevor has taken an interest in cooking and dance. He doesn't mix well with other boys, is teased constantly and hates the walk to school. He is effeminate and introspective. I have come to the conclusion that Trevor is a homosexual -- or rather, will be when he's more developed.

My question to you, Abby, is -- what can I do to make this "coming out" process easier on my son? I support him in his interests. I even bought him a cookbook for his birthday this year. Do you think it's too early to speak of sexuality to Trevor? Should I enroll him in karate? What do you think? -- WORRIED IN WOODLAND HILLS, CALIF.

DEAR WORRIED: You are a caring and supportive parent, but just because at age 10 Trevor seems slow in developing an interest in girls does not automatically guarantee that he's a budding homosexual. (He could be a budding Gene Kelly or Wolfgang Puck.)

The most important thing you can do for Trevor is to let him know you love him unconditionally, regardless of his eventual orientation, and that he can talk openly with you about anything that's on his mind. By all means talk to him about sexuality, in an age-appropriate way. The discussion should be one that is ongoing.

If your son is being harassed at school and on the way to school, discuss it with the principal. Your son is legally entitled to an education free of harassment.

Counseling might help Trevor repair his self-esteem. The counselor can help him decide the most effective means of dealing with the abuse he is receiving.

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Maggie Rose, Edmonds, Wash.," who had to confront men at a ball game about their swearing.

About 50 years ago, my older brother was given a "Ten Reasons for Swearing" card. I am happy to say it broke him of the habit. Whenever I hear a man or woman swear, I just say, "I couldn't help overhearing you. Welcome to the club," as I hand them a card. It does work. I have had more than 10,000 of them printed.

If you feel they are worth sharing with your readers, feel free to do so. -- MONTY INSKO, CARDIFF BY THE SEA, CALIF.

DEAR MONTY: If your "Ten Reasons for Swearing" makes the offenders take a moment to cool off, they're certainly worth sharing:

10 REASONS FOR SWEARING

1. It pleases Mother so much.

2. It's a fine mark of manliness.

3. It proves that I have self-control.

4. It indicates how clearly my mind operates.

5. It makes my conversation so pleasing to everybody.

6. It leaves no doubt in anyone's mind as to my good breeding.

7. It impresses people that I have more than an ordinary education.

8. It's an unmistakable sign of culture and refinement.

9. It makes me desirable personally among women and children in respectable society.

10. It's my way of honoring God, who said, "Thou shall not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain."

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have never written to you before, but I'd like to get this off my chest.

Two years ago, I moved 1,200 miles from the East Coast to my hometown in Colorado. I left all my friends behind, people I had known for at least five years -- and some for as long as 20 years. I have spent a bundle on cards, stamps and photos in an effort to keep in touch with those I love and miss. I want them to know "I care about you" and "You're worth the time and effort for me to stay in touch."

The problem, Abby, is that very few of these people have replied to my letters. I realize that people are busy, or they may not enjoy writing letters like I do. But even a postcard would make me happy. My feelings are hurt because of their lack of effort. I've tried telling myself, "So don't write them anymore," but that is just not me. I've always been the one who keeps people in contact with others. I like letting people know that they're not forgotten.

Abby, please remind people that spending maybe 10 minutes to write a letter may make a world of difference, especially to someone who lives far from friends. -- MISSING THEM IN COLORADO

DEAR MISSING THEM: The art of letter writing has changed with the times. E-mail, faxes, form letters and quick phone calls are time-savers for busy people. Consider making a game of it, by sending a short, humorous questionnaire asking your friends specific questions about their lives and loves. Be sure to include a stamped, self-addressed envelope. Or better yet, telephone or e-mail instead of writing a letter.

DEAR ABBY: I hope you can stand another "grandmother story." She's been gone for a few years, but we still get a laugh over this one:

I was married in 1976. I had a beautiful morning church Mass and afternoon reception. Gram selected a gorgeous dress for the reception. Because she had no time to change after Mass, she wore a lovely coat and hat -- hats were worn at that time -- for church.

Pictures were taken outside after Mass; then we were off to the reception. We had planned to take a four-generation (all female) photo at the reception. When the time came, Gram was still decked out in her hat and coat. Well, we asked her to remove the winter garb for the photo -- and she said she couldn't. It seems that while she was dressing, she decided to give her hair one last heavy coat of hair spray. When she tried to remove her hat, it was glued to her hair!

Now when I get lonely for Gram, I take out my album and look at that photo -- everyone in best dresses and my grandmother in her hat and coat. Twenty years later, it still makes me smile. -- STILL MISS GRAM, FORT WORTH, TEXAS

DEAR STILL: Hats off to you for sharing that smile.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: It has taken me years to write this letter.

My husband and I were married 35 years when he died suddenly. I adored him. He was my whole world.

A few years later I was putting my life back together when out of the blue, my "best friend" told me my husband had had an affair, and she could prove it. All his pallbearers knew about it. After much looking back, I knew it was true. I was devastated and have been in therapy for several years.

I would like to thank all of those who knew and kept silent. When a person dies, let all secrets be buried with him.

I cry as I write this, Abby. I loved him so much. Perhaps my letter will keep someone from hurting a person who is already hurting. -- WOUNDED IN MIDLAND, TEXAS

DEAR WOUNDED: A person who pours salt on the wound of someone who is already hurting is not a "friend"; she is a troublemaker. All you had left of your marriage were your memories, and I have to wonder why someone would want to destroy them. I hope that your years of therapy have helped you put your feelings of anger and betrayal into perspective, and to focus on the many wonderful years you had together -- because in the long run that is all that's important. You have years of life ahead of you, and it would be a tragedy if you spent them crying over something that no one can change and was better left unsaid.

DEAR ABBY: The recent letter in your column about jury duty prompts this letter. How do we ever get a jury of our peers when the selection process weeds out anyone who has read a newspaper or listened to the news in the last five years? They seem to want only brain-dead jurors. -- ARLEN B., HERCULES, CALIF.

DEAR ARLEN: During the last decade or so, the jury selection process has become very sophisticated -- and counsel for both sides usually have specific criteria in mind as they go through the process. If I had to name the No. 1 complaint I receive from readers about jury duty, it's that so little money is paid to jurors that they fear it would cause financial hardship to their families. Someone has to pay for the groceries while the jurors sit in judgment.

DEAR ABBY: I thought you'd be interested to know that the story of the wife and mother in a sinking boat was used for courses for Western men who would be doing business in the Far East to show contrasts in the way the two cultures differ.

When presented with the choice of saving the wife or the mother, most men brought up in a Western culture chose to save their wife. The men brought up in an Eastern culture would choose to save their mother -- the rationale being that it was possible to have another wife, but one could never have another mother. -- DIFFERENT STROKES, LAKELAND, FLA.

DEAR DIFFERENT: That's why it's so important for women to know how to paddle their own canoes.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)