DEAR ABBY: Eight years ago, the most beautiful woman in the world came into my life. I'll call her "Mary." We dated for seven months before she started asking for a proposal. I happily agreed, and in 1993 we were married.

Two years later, she convinced me that we should buy a house. A year after that, she said she wanted to have cats in our home. I don't care too much for cats, but I gave in to two cats.

Then she started yearning for children. When we married, we both realized that she could not get pregnant. So she began inquiring into adoption. I wasn't too fond of the idea of bringing a child into our home when we knew little about its medical or psychiatric history. Again, to make her happy, I agreed. Now don't get me wrong -- not a day goes by that I don't look at my son and thank God for him.

Then Mary wanted to help us get ahead financially. We both agreed that she would be the one to return to college, since we could not afford to lose my income and my study habits are not great. So we struggled for two years to put her through school.

After a while, Mary started going out with her friends from school for a few hours. Then the outings turned into all-nighters. Keep in mind, my son and I were at home while she was out partying with money we couldn't afford. Eventually she confessed to me that she'd had a fling with a guy she met. I forgave her by telling her that six years was too much time to throw away over one mistake.

Two months ago, she told me she doesn't want to be married anymore. She moved in with her mother. We alternate weeks with our son, but he has trouble staying with her. Part of the reason may be that she yells at him for every little thing he does wrong. He's only 5 years old.

Two days ago, she informed me that she's moving to Florida for an opportunity to attend school and have a good job. Mary does not want our son to come with her. In fact, she says she doesn't want him at all. Sometimes she says she wishes she could take him back to the agency.

Abby, I gave my wife everything she wanted -- a house, an education, a son and plenty more. Now she's leaving me high and dry to cope with the responsibilities of paying the bills and being a parent. So much for deadbeat fathers.

Care to offer any advice? -- DESERTED IN NEW ORLEANS

DEAR DESERTED: Only this, and it's offered with my sympathy for the treatment you have received from this immature and self-centered woman. The house will appreciate in value, and the emotional and psychic gratification you will receive from raising your son are priceless. If you can let Mary go without bitterness, you will be the winner in the long run. And please, consider counseling for both you and your son to help you through the heartbreak in the aftermath of this desertion.

DEAR ABBY: Is the mother of the bride supposed to ride with the bride in the limo on the way to the ceremony, or should I drive myself? -- THERESA IN VERNON, CONN.

DEAR THERESA: Ride in the limo with your daughter, dear lady. You deserve a little pampering.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 25 years old and have been happily married for three years. My husband is the man of my dreams. We are both hard-working and save most of our earnings to meet future goals.

My problem is his mother and father mismanage their money terribly. Throughout their lives, no matter how much money they made, they spent more. During the past 30 years, when they overspent on phone bills, dinners out, massages, etc., they would ask for money from her brother.

Recently my father-in-law took early retirement because he is in poor health due to years of smoking and poor diet. His entire pension was used to pay off their house and accumulated debts. If they had watched their spending, I believe they would have enough through Social Security and her paycheck to pay their bills -- yet they are still spending frivolously, acquiring new debt and asking us for money.

This isn't the first time they have asked and received at inopportune moments when we really needed the money ourselves -- such as just before our wedding and at Christmas. As I was writing the most recent check a couple of weeks ago, my mother-in-law laughed and said, "If you think I know how to spend, you should see my friend 'Mary'!"

I thought to myself, we would all love to spend, spend, spend, but it shouldn't be done unless one has the means. I want to be a fair person, but now every time I think of my in-laws I fear they are going to one day wipe us out. How can I prevent it? -- DROWNING IN THEIR DEBT

DEAR DROWNING: There has been a role reversal here. Your in-laws are acting like children and you and your husband have been thrust into the role of reluctant parents. If the two of you continue bailing them out, they will never quit their frivolous spending.

You and your husband must stand firm on this. Enough is enough. Your in-laws may need some counseling in prudent financial management. If that is not an option, volumes have been written on the subject.

Saying no won't be easy, but it's important that you draw the line now!

DEAR ABBY: I am 23 years old, happily married and have two children. My 4 1/2-year-old is the result of a previous relationship. Her father left me when he found out I was pregnant and didn't show up until shortly before the delivery date. He wanted me back, so I moved back in with him. A week before our daughter was born, he dumped me again.

Abby, I am now married to a wonderful man I met within days after my daughter's birth. He adopted her and is the only father she's ever known.

I know she must be told, but when would be the best age to tell her about her birth father? -- CLUELESS IN MICHIGAN

DEAR CLUELESS: As soon as your daughter is old enough to understand the difference between "biological father" and "adoptive father," begin telling her the story. Tell her only as much as she wants to know and fill in more details later, when she has a need to know and asks you questions. Be sure to let her know that she is special -- and that her daddy fell in love with BOTH of you at first sight.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets I and II, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a college friend who visits annually with her family. They've been coming in November, but we live in a small town and find it difficult to entertain them in the fall. So last November we suggested that, since there is a campground with a beautiful lake nearby, they camp here during the summer. They came this July, but were tired of camping after a two-week vacation, so they asked if they could stay at our home.

There are six people in my family. My husband is a schoolteacher and I am unemployed. My friend has a family of four. Both she and her husband have good jobs, and their annual income must be roughly twice what ours is.

They don't offer to help pay for groceries, even though we always run out of milk or bread while they're here and they often go to the grocery store with us. We have gone out to eat with them, just so we won't have to buy groceries for them. They always pay for their own meals, but never offer to treat us.

Last month, my family stayed with my sister for four days. We bought $50 worth of groceries, treated their family to pizza, bought them a videotape and gave them $15 in cash. We weren't being generous; we just felt we were being fair.

Would it be wrong, the next time these friends tell us they are coming, to bill them $10 per day for meals? We've dropped so many hints we're almost rude, but we feel, after 15 years, it's time they stopped taking advantage of us. We've stopped enjoying their visits and are afraid, now that they've come in the summer, they'll begin visiting us twice a year. I'd like to tell them how I feel but have never had the nerve. Am I being petty? -- USED IN THE NORTHWEST

DEAR USED: Petty? You have been tolerant beyond belief to have allowed these freeloaders to take advantage of you for 15 years. It should be clear to you by now that if you don't put your foot down, they will continue to take advantage of you.

The next time your college chum calls to arrange a visit, tell her that you'll be charging them $60 a day, to cover the costs of feeding them, and the additional water, electricity and telephone charges you have assumed during their past visits.

Something tells me that once you stand up for yourself, your problem -- and your annual houseguests -- will vanish.

DEAR ABBY: The letters in your column concerning baldness prompt this letter.

Did you know there is a support group called "Bald-Headed Men of America" that instills pride in being bald? They hold an annual conference every September, and exchange feelings and experiences through group discussions that further the acceptance of being bald. It is their conviction that the best "cure" for baldness is to promote a positive mental attitude -- with humor. -- PAT BECKER, SCOTTSDALE, ARIZ.

DEAR PAT: Thank you for the "heads up." A positive mental attitude and a sense of humor are seductive qualities, regardless of the state of one's hairline.

Those interested in learning more about Bald-Headed Men of America may write: 102 Bald Drive, Morehead City, N.C. 28557. The telephone number is 1-252-726-1855 and the e-mail address is: jcapps4102@aol.com.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)