DEAR ABBY: This letter is a late response to "Emotionally Bruised," whose mother was supercritical. My mother also says and does the most incredibly heartless things to us. When our father was alive, he used to cover for her as much as possible in order to keep peace in the family. Now that my father has passed away, my sister and I have had to deal with my mother's inappropriate behavior.

Due to a family blowup just before Thanksgiving (the first holiday since my father's passing), we got Mother to attend two therapy sessions with my sister and me. Mother was her usual heartless, mean self in front of the therapist, so he was able to get a clear picture of what we had been dealing with. Later, in a private session, the therapist gave me some valuable information. He explained that my mother is extremely narcissistic. She is not, nor will she ever be, able to become empathetic or understanding of others.

In many ways, it was wonderful to have the validation and acknowledgment from an outsider about my mother's behavior; however it also felt like a death sentence. The therapist advised me to do all I can to protect myself from my mother, but to never stop telling her that her words and actions are hurting me. My silence all these years had led her to believe that I accept and agree with her.

It is always tough standing up to this woman, and the fallout afterward is difficult. However, I am not giving up. If I do, my children, who have witnessed their grandmother's heartless behavior for many years, will think that it's OK to allow someone to use you as a doormat. -- DESERVES TO BE RESPECTED, SCOTTSDALE, ARIZ.

DEAR DESERVES: The money you and your sister invested in the therapist was obviously well spent. I find it admirable that the two of you are able to tolerate your mother's company after having suffered her verbal abuse for so many years -- most victims wouldn't.

Since you have been advised that she is incapable of changing her behavior, it is essential that you "bullet-proof" your children if they are going to be exposed to her. They should not be led to believe that her behavior is something that should be expected from a mentally healthy person. Teach them that your mother suffers from a personality disorder, and they should not believe her when she says mean things.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a long-distance relationship with a man for a year and a half, but he lives with a 55-year-old jealous female housemate. He tells me she's jealous of all of his friends.

He has proposed marriage to me and said he would move to my state, but there has always been some delay. Now he has moved out of their house and into his own place -- but he moved his female housemate in with him because she suffered a heart attack. Where does that leave me? -- WONDERING IN MARYLAND

DEAR WONDERING: It leaves you on the outside looking in. There's another hen in the nest. Face it, whether he's married, or the same as married -- he's unavailable.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Concerning the letter from "Debra in Oklahoma City" whose father informed her that guns are still loaded when the clip is removed -- let me state my qualifications for writing. I am a former Army officer specializing in instructing small arms and hand-to-hand combat, and a former police officer.

Anyone who doesn't have the sense to open the action of his (or her) automatic weapon to remove any round left in the chamber -- as illustrated by the letter in your column -- should have second thoughts about owning one. Having a loaded weapon lying around if one has no intention of using it is asking for a disaster.

If someone knows nothing about firearms and has no interest in owning one, I have no quarrel with that. However, if someone has no knowledge of firearms and is intent on owning one -- PLEASE get qualified help before purchasing one! -- D.A.J., HERMISTON, ORE.

DEAR D.A.J.: Good advice from a weapons expert. Predictably, Debra's letter brought me a fusillade of mail. For a sample, read on:

DEAR ABBY: I hope no other family has to learn how true "Debra's" statement is about there being a bullet still in the chamber after the clip has been removed.

On Oct. 31, 1999, my 4-year-old and 2-year-old great-grandsons were playing with a 9 mm gun at their home. They found it in an unlocked case within their reach. The 2-year-old pulled the trigger and fatally shot the 4-year-old. Yes, the clip had been removed, but a bullet was still in the chamber.

Parents, please lock up those guns, because even a 2-year-old can fire a gun! -- GRIEVING GRANDMOTHER IN ARIZONA

DEAR GRANDMOTHER: I offer my sincere sympathy for the tragic loss that has befallen your family. I hope your chilling letter will be a wake-up call for those who need one. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: It amazes me that someone with such little knowledge of firearms would purchase and carry a semiautomatic handgun. My brother-in-law, who is a responsible and knowledgeable gun owner, left a bullet in the chamber of his gun -- and accidentally shot himself in the hand. Even longtime gun owners can have accidents.

New gun owners should make it a priority to become familiar with their weapon. Go to a gun range and practice with it. Learn how to handle it safely. Learn proper storage of the weapon. The law states that all firearms must be stored out of the reach of children. Remember, what you hold in your hand has the power to take a life -- yours, a loved one's, or an innocent bystander's. -- RICK ETZ, COCOA, FLA.

DEAR RICK: It's frightening how often that law is misunderstood or ignored. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My only daughter and dearest friend, Tara, was killed three years ago by a man well-versed in gun safety. He's an ex-Marine and NRA member. As he sat in his apartment cleaning his guns, he failed to notice that one was loaded. The bullet penetrated the common wall and struck my daughter in the head.

The senselessness of my daughter's death and the resulting trauma will forever be in our lives. -- ANNE COAKLEY, BOULDER, COLO.

DEAR ANNE: Please accept my deepest sympathy for your loss. No parent should ever have to face the heartache of burying a child. Let's hope that your letter serves as an important lesson that could prevent a tragedy. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: The level of ignorance in this country runs from street level to administrative. In U.S. News magazine, I recently saw a photograph of a table full of guns from a "buyback" -- with police officers and officials touting safer streets. Unfortunately, they forgot to ensure their own safety. Several of the weapons had their hammers back -- presumably ready to fire! -- DR. ALLAN QUERENS JR., METAIRIE, LA.

DEAR DR. QUERENS: So much for guns being safe in the hands of gun experts -- experts who should be more safety conscious.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Again the other morning the news was about the terrible losses from a tornado striking in the middle of the night -- this time in south Georgia. Could you please tell people about weather-warning radios? Sadly, they seem to be a well-kept secret.

After tornadoes struck at night in other states last year, I bought weather radios for each of my children's homes and for myself. They're relatively inexpensive ($30 to $60) and can be tucked in a corner, out of the way. What they do is respond to a radio signal from the NOAA (National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration) when dangerous weather is imminent. The signal turns on the radio to alert people.

The radio at our house is in the hallway outside our bedrooms. It's tuned to the nearest weather station, with the volume up all the way. At 2:30 a.m. on the night the storm hit Georgia, we were awakened by the signal and the warning of a potentially dangerous storm. Luckily, we had only torrential rain and some tree-trimming wind. At least we knew what was happening and could have made it to the basement if things had gotten worse.

We are blessed with attentive weather people on television and at NOAA who notify us of impending storms. However, at night there is no better way to learn of impending bad weather than from a weather radio. I'd rather be awakened for a storm that doesn't turn bad than chance what happened to those poor folks in Georgia.

Thanks, Abby, for giving me a forum. I hope you'll consider this letter worth printing. -- JANET H. MAHANNAH, GASTONIA, N.C.

DEAR JANET: Your letter is certainly worth space in my column. I'm sure there are many other individuals like me who have never heard of weather-warning radios.

After reading your letter, I made some inquiries about NOAA Weather Radios, which continually broadcast National Weather Service forecasts, warnings and other important weather information. They can be programmed to receive information specific to a certain geographic area.

The NOAA Weather Radio is the one government-operated radio system that provides direct warnings to the public for natural and manmade hazards -- from floods to forest fires to oil spills.

The radios are available at many retail stores that sell electronic appliances, marine supply stores, truck stops, cable shopping networks, mail-order catalogs and the Internet. They cost from $20 to $80 depending on the model.

For people who live in areas where violent storms occur, a NOAA weather radio could be a lifesaver. However, while most areas in the country are covered by the NOAA warning system, a few areas may not be, so ask at your local National Weather Service office before you purchase the weather radio.

DEAR ABBY: In your column, you have indicated your interest in thoughts on friendship. I am a member of the Jesuit community in Wauwatosa, Wis. During a clergy renewal semester at Notre Dame University, I developed the following statement:

"A true and genuine friend, one of those very few special persons who enter my life, is one with whom I can share my brokenness without feeling cheapened." -- RENEWED CLERGYMAN

DEAR RENEWED: Your words are beautiful, and I know they'll resonate with my readers as they did with me.

P.S. Please don't feel "cheapened in your brokenness." None of us emerge from the kiln of life without a few cracks, which lend character to the finish.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)