DEAR ABBY: I just finished reading Roseann Hermann's letter about the importance of parents teaching their teen-agers everything they need to know about birth control so they can make informed choices.

I am the 17-year-old mother of a 4-month-old daughter. I did not listen to my mother and father. They are wonderful parents. They stressed to me the importance of finishing high school, going to college, saving money, getting married and having children. They would tell me this every day. I would give anything to go back and listen to my parents.

But now that my daughter is here, she is the most beautiful thing in my life. I never knew I could love something so tiny so much. I'm getting my GED, working, and taking care of her. I raise her -- my parents don't. Things are on hold, but I will go to college.

Why does everyone blame parents, Abby? Mine talked to me, but I disobeyed. My point is: Parents talk; teens don't listen. -- KIMBERLY IN RIVERVIEW, FLA.

DEAR KIMBERLY: I'm printing your letter with the hope that other teens will read it and heed what you, a contemporary, have to say. I commend you for juggling your GED studies, working, and facing all of the challenges of young motherhood.

The fact that you credit your parents with trying their best to communicate their hopes for your future -- even though you admit you refused to listen -- tells me how much maturity and insight you have gained. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am responding to the recent letters in your column about the importance of teaching sex education to children before they become teen-agers.

I am 13 years old. My parents told me everything I need to know about sex. If I want birth control, I can go to them.

Abby, I think you would be one terrible, awful parent not to talk to your children and assure them that you will be there for them no matter what. Children who are not taught by their parents -- whom they trust the most -- are more likely to get a sexually transmitted disease or become pregnant at an earlier age, if only to get back at their overprotective parents. Trust me, I know because I have talked to my friends -- and we do talk about this sort of thing. -- CONCERNED IN RENO

DEAR CONCERNED: It's heartwarming to read how much credit you give your parents for providing all of the important information necessary to prepare you for future sexual relationships. Although you are a mature young lady at 13, I hope that you are years away from having a physical relationship.

Now that you have the information you need, I trust you will take your parents up on their offer to go to them with any questions or concerns that may arise. Knowing you can talk freely with your mom and dad will give you a definite advantage in making sound choices.

DEAR ABBY: My father died recently. Am I still a "Jr." or am I required to drop it? -- WONDERING IN WICHITA

DEAR WONDERING: Please accept my condolences for the loss of your father.

Amy Vanderbilt says that upon the death of the "senior," the "junior" usually drops the "Jr." -- unless both he and his late father were well-known and to drop it would cause confusion. However, if you so desire, there is nothing illegal or improper about retaining the "Jr."

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Jake," and I have been married eight years. We get along perfectly, except for his family. They have conned and cheated us out of thousands of dollars and spread vicious rumors about me.

At one point, the tension and hostility were unbearable, and Jake and I separated. After four months, we realized that we were meant to be together, so we reconciled. We both gave up successful careers and moved 400 miles away from his family. We have been happy here for three years. Aside from yearly holiday get-togethers, we don't see his family -- which is great!

About two weeks ago (just when I thought everything was going well), we were walking along the road and found an adorable dog giving birth to puppies. She was dirty, hungry and dehydrated, but she and the puppies survived under our care. After trying to find the owner, we realized that the dog was probably abandoned.

Well, Jake mentioned the pups to his cousin "Cindy" (a woman who has spread rumors about me), and to our horror, Cindy announced she was coming the following weekend to "pick up the cutest pup in the litter." We never offered a puppy to her, and had mutually decided to keep all the dogs so we wouldn't break up the little family.

When Jake returned Cindy's call, I heard him tell her that I wanted to keep all the dogs and was not giving any of them away.

I feel betrayed and hurt. This made me wonder if the reason his family has always disliked me is that Jake plays the "good guy" and blames decisions his family doesn't like on me.

Abby, I am shocked. Why did he sell me out and make me the "evil" wife? -- FEELING HURT IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR FEELING HURT: Jake doesn't want to make waves in his already turbulent family. He learned early to be a "people pleaser" -- and now you're paying the price.

You would both benefit from marriage counseling. It would give you the opportunity to express your hurt and frustration, and it could help your husband gain the confidence to finally express what HE wants, even to his family.

DEAR ABBY: My son is engaged to be married. I live several states away from his fiancee and her family. I was informed by the girl's mother that there will be a bridal shower in her state to which I will be invited. She also told me a shower should be given here for the groom's family and friends to honor the bride, and that she and the bride would attend.

No one here has offered to give the bride a shower. Abby, is it proper for the bride's mother to tell me to arrange a shower for the bride, and to invite family and friends who probably won't be able to attend the wedding? Should I be offended or simply confused? -- GROOM'S MOM ON THE FAR COAST

DEAR GROOM'S MOM: The groom's family is not required to host a shower, and there is no obligation for your friends or more distant family to do so. If someone volunteers to host a shower, it would be a nice gesture. However, since no one should be invited to a shower who cannot attend the wedding, it might turn out to be a very small affair.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Get out the wet noodle for your answer to "A Parent in Oregon." As a public school teacher, I'd be insulted if I received a package of construction paper or pencils as an end-of-the-year gift.

The No. 1 thing teachers would like is respect. This can be demonstrated with a kind note (and a copy to the principal). A gift certificate to a bookstore or restaurant is also a wonderful way to show that a teacher is appreciated. The appropriateness of the gift, of course, will depend on the situation of the family, the school and the teacher -- but a gift from the heart of a child is always special. -- MARILYN FUNDERBURK, ARLINGTON, TEXAS

DEAR MARILYN: I was unprepared for the flood of mail I received from teachers, informing me that my suggestions were off base. A male teacher recently wrote to say he would welcome stock certificates and T-bills. In years past I have received letters from teachers who requested the items I mentioned. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Having spent 32 years in the classroom, 30 of them in inner-city schools, what would be wonderful would be gift certificates to a moderately priced take-out restaurant for the times I'm too swamped to prepare meals (or to celebrate making it to the end of another year!). Also, movie tickets to use during the summer -- or even a gift certificate to a "dollar store" for those incidentals that a teacher can never afford for his or her classroom or home. But please, no school supplies at the end of the year. That's like giving a nurse a thermometer or tongue depressors. -- RETIRED IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR ABBY: Give the lasting gift of books. For teachers who don't have their own classroom (i.e. P.E. teachers), a book can be donated to the entire school and placed in the school library. Our budgets never allow us to buy all the books our students need. -- THIRD-GRADE TEACHER IN DENVER

DEAR ABBY: Teachers have enough cups, mugs, candles and candies. Our class is contributing to a group gift to send our wonderful teachers for a spa treatment. When everyone chips in, it's affordable. We know it's something they would never do for themselves. We can't wait to present it. -- LOTS OF IDEAS IN SEATTLE

DEAR ABBY: I recommend giving the teacher cash. I know of no good teacher who is overpaid. Cash for the underpaid is much better than spa visits, gift certificates, supplies or the usual gifts that teachers receive. None of my son's teachers has ever refused the cash or returned my gifts. -- PARENT IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR ABBY: We live in a small community. In its wisdom, our school board ruled: "In fairness to all families, NO child shall give gifts to any of his or her teachers." This was a blessed relief to those of us who couldn't keep up with the Joneses. -- AVID READER, WINTER HAVEN, FLA.

DEAR ABBY: I retired last year after 35 years of teaching. The one thing my students gave me that meant more than anything else: a note expressing appreciation for whatever I had done to help them during that year. Those cards and letters are more precious to me as time goes by. Rereading them, I recall sweet faces, special things about those kids, and the wonderful times we had together. They are priceless. -- KAY FRIEDRICH, ATHENS, GA.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)