DEAR ABBY: Please reprint your advice and driving contract for parents who have a teen-ager who wants to borrow the car. I would like to use it as a contract between my newly licensed daughter and us. Thank you. -– KAREN EAGLESON, NEPEAN, ONTARIO, CANADA

DEAR KAREN: I'm pleased to print it again. The "Driving Contract" was the brainchild of a pair of "Proud Parents" who shared it with me many years ago. I frequently receive requests for it. I think it's terrific because it clearly spells out the young person's responsibilities, so there's no question about what the parents expect of the new driver. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: As parents of a 16-year-old who has just passed his driver's license examination, we're sure that other parents are also apprehensive about their child's newly found freedom, and might like to ease some of that anxiety by drawing up a contract as we did, as a reminder of the seriousness of this new responsibility. It has worked wonders for us.

DRIVING CONTRACT

I ( ), on this day, do agree to the stipulations stated below rendering me the privilege of driving my parents' cars. If, at any time, I violate the said agreement, the driving privileges will be forfeited to the extent and degree of violation.

(1) Should I get a traffic violation ticket, I agree to pay for the ticket as well as the difference in the insurance premium for as long as the premium is in effect.

(2) I agree to pay for damages that I incur not covered by insurance.

(3) At no time will I ever drink alcoholic beverages and drive at the same time, nor will there be any liquor or beer in the car at any time.

(4) I will never transport more passengers than there are seat belts, and will not drive the car until all passengers have buckled up.

(5) I will keep the car that I drive clean, inside and out, and be aware of its needs for gas, oil, etc., plus wax the car once a month.

I have read the above agreement and do sign this in accordance with the rules.

Signed,

( ) Child

( ) Parent

( ) Parent

Date: ( )

Submitted by ... PROUD PARENTS

DEAR ABBY: We have four married children. My husband's nephew is being married. His mother called today and said they could invite only one couple to the wedding. We're not sure which couple. As it stands, three couples' feelings will be hurt, along with ours.

I feel they should invite all or none. Would it be proper to tell her my feelings on this? What do you suggest our family do? -– APPALLED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR APPALLED: Since it's obvious the guest list is being limited due to financial constraints, do not take this personally and do not criticize. Call the mother of the groom and tell her that rather than having any of your children feel left out, you will be happy to represent your family at the festivities. (Your "children" may be happy to be off the hook.)

DEAR ABBY: Our high school honors English teacher announced that four kids turned in the same term paper. They copied it off the Internet. The teacher said these students should no longer be in honors classes or the Honor Society.

One of the kids' fathers is president of the school board. The principal said, "This has all been a mistake, and it shouldn't affect their future." Then he nominated the son of the school board president for a distinguished award.

My younger siblings will be attending this school in the fall. What should I tell them about this messed-up system? –- CYNICAL BIG BROTHER

DEAR CYNICAL: Tell them the truth: There are serious ethical challenges in the school's administration. Unfortunately, it's an early lesson that some people in authority blatantly misuse their positions of power.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I was disturbed to read the letter from "Exhausted and Angry," who is single-handedly raising her two children, working a 40-hour week, caring for her bedridden mother, and is now faced with demands to care for her obnoxious "Aunt Stella."

For nearly 15 years I was in a similar situation. I cared for my disabled parents, a disabled husband, raised my son and worked 40 hours a week. I say from experience that it will ruin "Exhausted's" health to live under so much constant stress. No matter how much you love someone, it is an absolutely crushing responsibility that will destroy not only her, but also her children. She owes herself and her children first consideration.

Nobody wants to go to a nursing home, but I was left with no alternative, and the relief was phenomenal. I wish I had done it sooner.

An admission to a nursing home is based on the patient's ability to pay –- not the caregiver's. "Exhausted" shouldn't have to impoverish herself. I hope she doesn't feel total responsibility for this aunt. She will be around longer to raise her children and have some peace of mind if she doesn't try to do it all. –- BEEN THERE AND SUFFERED FOR IT

DEAR BEEN THERE: You have written a valuable letter. While spouses must pay for each other's care, extended family –- including children –- are not legally obligated to bear these expenses. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: As a director of an area agency on aging in Indiana, I empathize with the woman who signed her letter "Exhausted and Angry." Her ill mother asked her to also care for her difficult and surly aunt. She was desperate for ideas on where to find help and alternatives, and you suggested she contact her state or local agency on aging for assistance.

I want to share a nationwide toll-free phone number that might be of help during her search: Elder Care Locator, 1-800-677-1116.

Many people who find themselves in similar situations may benefit from this information. -– ANNE N. JACOBY, AREA 13 AGENCY ON AGING, VINCENNES, IND.

DEAR ANNE: With the aging population surviving longer than ever before, elder care needs are growing by leaps and bounds. The Elder Care Locator 800-number is a wonderful service. Thank you for sharing a valuable resource.

DEAR ABBY: My neighbor told me she had six people staying in her tiny one-bedroom apartment. She asked if one of her friends could stay in my spare room. She said he had plane reservations to return home in a couple of days, so I agreed.

My problem is this "friend" has been smoking in my non-smoking home, eating all my food, making long-distance calls on my telephone, "getting it on" in my spare bed -– and so far, has missed three flights home.

I've always been friendly with my neighbor, but I want her friend out of my apartment –- now. Have you any ideas? –- FEELING USED IN EUGENE, ORE.

DEAR FEELING USED: Your "guest" has taken flagrant advantage of your act of charity. If you want your privacy back, put some starch in your spine and tell him he's worn out the welcome mat -– it's time to go and you want him out in 12 hours. Stick to your guns and accept no excuses. "Help" him pack if necessary. Don't let him make you feel guilty for standing up for yourself. It's uncanny how freeloaders like your "friend" manage to survive.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Yesterday was my 20th birthday. Aren't birthdays supposed to be happy occasions? Well, if you're in jail and on your way to prison like me, maybe not.

"Prisoner in Reno, Nev." thinks she's got it bad at home because her parents won't let her out much. She should remember this: There is always someone who has it worse than she has. Her parents are overprotective because they love her. Even though I'm locked up, my parents still care for me. They're worried sick.

Let me ask you this, "Prisoner" -– do your parents search you before and after you leave your room? Do they make you eat nasty food you wouldn't give your worst enemy? Do they routinely search your room? What I'm trying to say is, count your blessings.

You ended your letter by asking, "What should I do?" Well, I'm on a one-way trip down a road that leads nowhere. Now tell me, what should I do? –- INMATE ON A DEAD END

DEAR INMATE: I don't know what you did to receive a prison sentence, but it's possible that you should feel lucky to be alive.

Since you asked what you should do, I strongly suggest you follow all prison rules to the letter, do not believe everything you hear from the other inmates, and take any classes that are offered to improve yourself.

Even under these difficult circumstances, you still have control over how "happy" your future birthdays can be.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have a beautiful 3-year-old daughter I'll call Bonnie. She's the result of artificial insemination, as my husband is unable to father a child. Our little girl is our pride and joy.

We cannot decide if or how to tell Bonnie that my husband is not her biological father. Is it necessary to tell her at all, and if so, when and how? My fear is that Bonnie will reject her dad if she finds out.

I am assuming there would be no health-related need for our daughter to know, as semen donors are supposed to be screened for inherited diseases, but I guess you never

know.

My feminine intuition tells me we should tell her the truth. I know there must be a lot of parents out there who have dealt with this issue -– or will face it in the future. I would appreciate any input I can get.

Please don't use my name. Very few people know that my husband did not father our daughter. Just sign me ... FLORIDA MOM

DEAR FLORIDA MOM: My feminine intuition –- and common sense -– tells me that your daughter should be told. You stated that "very few people know the truth." When more than two people know a secret, it's usually no longer a secret. It's better that she hear it from you and your husband.

Your daughter should be told when she is old enough to understand the mechanics and all of the implications of artificial insemination –- including the pain and frustration of wanting your own child and being unable to have one.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)