DEAR ABBY: I'm writing this for the couple who questioned the bar bill from their wedding. The caterer claimed they had served seven drinks per person.

I attended an elaborate wedding. I am diabetic, can't drink alcohol and have a bad foot, so dancing was out. I spent the entire evening at the table while everyone else danced. Each time guests returned to our table, a server would take new drink orders. After a few sips, the couples would head back to the dance floor. The server would then clear the drinks from the table. Abby, some of the guests had taken only one sip.

I told the server the people would be coming back to the table. She replied that she was instructed by the bartender to remove all drinks when people were not at the table. I'm sure that's the reason the bar bill was so high for the physician's wedding. -- OBSERVER FROM NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR OBSERVER: You could be right. Thank you for an eyebrow-raiser of a letter. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Years ago when I organized functions featuring a hosted bar at high-end hotels, I noticed that as the events drew to a close, the barmen would crack the seals on several bottles of the good stuff. We would then be charged for the open bottles. Presumably, the barmen and their friends would have an extremely pleasant evening -- and be credited with ringing up additional revenue for the hotel. Seven drinks per guest wouldn't be out of the ballpark.

Once I discovered this game, I made a point of monitoring the barmen more closely. I instructed them not to break any seals during the last half-hour of the function and to collect opened bottles before the barmen left. After each event, we used the remaining liquor to throw a thank-you party for the secretarial and administrative staff who had helped to organize the function but hadn't been able to attend, a gesture that was much appreciated.

I can understand the sticker shock. The host probably paid for numerous full but "opened" bottles. -- KENNETH B., CLAREMONT, CALIF.

DEAR KENNETH B.: What you are describing is fraud and the exception to the rule in the hospitality industry. But thank you for the warning. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: As "social director" for the firm I work for, I have encountered many instances of caterers inflating a liquor bill, or guests from other parties crashing our open bar.

While it's highly unusual, I don't blame the couple at all for double-checking on their guests' consumption. Seven alcoholic drinks per person is certainly questionable. Could the man and his wife have consumed seven drinks each and driven home? I think not! And I can't imagine other guests making up the difference -- unless they all had to be carried home.

I applaud the couple's refusal to assume the bill was correct. I'm sure they struggled with the decision to contact their guests, but considering they were talking about a bar bill of approximately $3,500 for 100 people, how can anyone blame them for not wanting to pay for a caterer's or bartender's mistake? -- NO LONGER RIPPED OFF IN ATLANTA

DEAR NO LONGER RIPPED OFF: While I agree with you, it was clear from the signature ("Appalled") that the writer was very put off by the host's request. Personally, I always double-check my bills, because they sometimes contain errors. And darn it, I have yet to see one that's in my favor.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have sad news. Unfortunately, we are forced to cancel Operation Dear Abby for the 2001 holiday season. Recent mail-related attacks have demonstrated the vulnerability of the postal system. As a result, mail handling has become more sensitive and time-consuming. The increased volume of mail resulting from Operation Dear Abby, coupled with the increased manpower effort for Force Protection, has the potential of impacting both the quality of service and, more important, the safety provided to our military personnel.

Operation Dear Abby creates an avenue to introduce mail into the system from unknown sources. Our primary concern is the safety of the members of the armed forces who are forward-deployed in defense of our country.

I want to personally thank you for your long and distinguished service to the members of the armed forces of the United States of America. Your efforts and the efforts of your readers are acknowledged and appreciated by all service members. -- CAPT. E.M. DUCOM, U.S. NAVY, DEPUTY DIRECTOR, MILITARY POSTAL SERVICE AGENCY

DEAR CAPT. DUCOM: Thank you. I know your message will come as a disappointment to the many thousands of patriotic Americans who for the past 16 years have joyfully participated in sending cards and letters to our servicemen and women, and who had looked forward to Operation Dear Abby this year. While I, too, am extremely disappointed, I know I speak for my readers when I say the safety of our military personnel is paramount.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have enjoyed a happy marriage for the past nine years. We are financially secure and have a beautiful 2-year-old daughter. Aside from the occasional disagreement, I have had no complaints about our relationship.

However, my wife has taken up an activity that has begun to trouble me. It began about three years ago, when she resolved to make preparations in case of her untimely death. She purchased a life insurance policy and made out her will. This seems reasonable to me, but in addition, she also wrote her own eulogy. At the time I thought it was strange, but understandable. After all, it is important to be properly remembered.

What is disturbing is that my wife has begun revising her eulogy to include the major events of her life as they happen. She has done it more than 20 times since originally making out the speech. It has become her hobby. In fact, upon recently returning from a good friend's wedding, she spent the better part of a Saturday working the experience into her document.

This pastime cannot be healthy. How can my wife live her life if she constantly reminds herself of her death? We have discussed this several times. She doesn't understand why this bothers me, nor does she particularly want to talk about it. Am I worrying for nothing? -- CONCERNED HUSBAND IN THE SOUTH

DEAR CONCERNED: Your wife's new hobby is bizarre, but if she is exhibiting no signs of depression or personality changes, it's probably nothing to worry about. She may feel she has no control over how she will die, but can control what's said about her. Or perhaps she's a frustrated writer. I am intrigued, however, how she got it into her that someone attending her funeral would be interested in hearing about the weddings she has attended. At the rate she's going, your wife may have the longest funeral in history.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: Today, Veterans Day, we celebrate the sacrifice and patriotism of our nation's military. Many gave their lives to guarantee our freedom. We owe our veterans and those men and women currently serving in the military a deep debt of gratitude. I salute you all, as do my readers.

In honor of Veterans Day, I'm reprinting an essay on patriotism that was written by the granddaughter of Phyl Erickson of Coon Rapids, Minn. The young lady, Jenna Guimaraes, was only 12 at the time, but she understood the importance of this aspect of our freedom.

PATRIOTISM

by Jenna Guimaraes

"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."

Every day my classmates and I recite this oath. By doing so, we promise to be true to our country, ourselves and our fellow Americans.

In school we study the history of our country, learning about those who lived long ago, who stood up for their beliefs, risked their lives, homes and safety to give promise to a better life to their descendants. Because of these people, our country is a great place to live.

Though we are younger than most countries, many look up to us for protection, leadership, support and friendship.

Patriotism can be shown in many ways, even by ordinary people. Mary Hays, otherwise known as Molly Pitcher, is one of them.

Molly Pitcher carried water to the soldiers during the Revolutionary War. When one of the soldiers fell from heat stroke, Molly shot the cannon for him. Molly loved her country so much that she risked her life in battle, even at a time when women didn't fight.

We don't have to risk our lives to show our patriotism, but I am grateful to those who did.

DEAR ABBY: I've been corresponding with this great, wealthy guy named "Howard." We met through an introduction service and exchanged photographs. During our telephone conversation last night, he mentioned that he doesn't like women who have had breast implants. Howard likes chesty girls -- which I am -- but I DO have breast implants. He told me this after I purchased a nonrefundable plane ticket to meet him at his home in Los Angeles.

Howard says I'm gorgeous, but he assumes I am naturally endowed. Abby, I wanted to tell him, but since I have already purchased the ticket, I think the best thing to do is to tell him face-to-face. I know he will be hurt because he is clearly smitten with me -- and the feeling is mutual.

We have a ton in common, and despite his wealth, I find him down-to-earth and kind. I am a sincere person and don't want to pull the wool over his eyes. Have you any suggestions on how I should handle this? -- D CUP IN DETROIT

DEAR D: Once he meets you in person, he may realize that your finer qualities -- all of which come from within -- outweigh your two faults. If he doesn't, then the loss is his.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)