DEAR ABBY: Recently my son entered a derby car race at his Cub Scout meeting. He left the house proud of the derby car he fashioned from a block of wood. My husband had shown him how to use the proper tools, to sand and paint the car -- but it was our son's design.

When my son and husband arrived at the race track, it was obvious many of the fathers had done far more than supervise the making of the derby cars. In fact, many of the fathers bragged about how they had designed, cut and painted their sons' cars -- even going so far as adding "hidden" weights so they would go faster! One of the youngest boys in the pack won a huge trophy for "best in show." His car was elaborately carved and decorated far beyond his capabilities.

We told our son he should be proud of his car because he had followed instructions and created it himself. Unfortunately, some of the other boys made our son feel their dads loved them more because they had made prettier, faster cars for them.

Abby, I am afraid this is another example of parents reliving their youth at the expense of their children. The fathers should never have taken over this project. What did these boys learn? That it's OK to cheat? I'd love to see this addressed because I know it happens all over the country. -- PROUD MOM IN OHIO

DEAR PROUD MOM: You are describing parents who are determined to make sure their children succeed even if it means cutting a few corners. And you're absolutely right -- I doubt that a trophy a child hasn't earned and knows isn't deserved will make him or her feel like a winner. The prize becomes meaningless. The child's abilities are diminished, and the youngster is left feeling that he or she can't perform.

DEAR ABBY: I'm enclosing a poem I wrote after visiting Auschwitz. I hope you will print it in your column on April 19, Holocaust Remembrance Day. -- TAWNYSHA LYNCH

DEAR TAWNYSHA: I'm pleased to print your poem as a tribute to the many souls who have been sacrified over the centuries because of man's inhumanity to man.

NEVER FORGET by Tawnysha Lynch

(Excerpted from "Remembrance," copyright 2001)

I may have died long ago,

But I am not gone.

My body may rest among thousands,

But I still exist.

When you see this camp before you,

You see where I breathed my last.

When you look at the ground,

You see my footprints.

As you walk upon this soil,

You step over my bones.

When you see old photographs,

My eyes look at yours.

When you hear the wind whisper,

You are hearing my voice.

When your eyes brim with tears,

It is me tugging your heart.

"Never forget," I whisper to you

And you hear my desperate words.

I may not be alive today,

But in your heart, I still live.

Remember me.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My "Aunt Woo Woo" was a high school teacher all her life. She retired at 62, and after her husband died, she returned to college to get a degree in special education.

She lived in a dorm, showed the young co-eds a thing or two (she was quite a rounder!), and then taught until she was 87.

Tell those who have a dream to go for it -- at any age. -- ROSE PITFORD, KEOKUK, IOWA

DEAR ROSE: I've been doing it for years, and readers have taken it to heart. I recently read about a gentleman in his 90s who had just graduated from college -- and he's not alone. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: As a child, I wanted to be a teacher to follow in my grandmother's footsteps. I made my sister play school. I made the neighbor kids play school. Nobody was safe from my teaching.

I never went beyond high school, married young and had a family right away. On my 38th birthday, our home and all possessions were burned in a fire. My life changed forever. I became a firefighter. At the age of 42, I began taking college classes in fire science. With 60 hours of college credit, I became a substitute teacher on my days off from the fire department.

It took years to earn my associate's degree in fire science technology. I entered the University of South Florida -- still a professional firefighter. (I was the oldest female professional firefighter in the United States throughout my career.)

I retired from the fire service in 1998 and, at age 55, entered college full time. It took 2 1/2 years to complete my degree.

Abby, not for a moment do I regret all the life experiences I brought to the teaching profession. I know I can continue to contribute to the education of children for another 20 years if I choose.

Would I do this over again? In a heartbeat! -- E. DIANE LAPOINTE, BRADENTON, FLA.

DEAR DIANE: Your work ethic and ability to contribute are awesome. My hat's off to you. I'm sure your example will inspire others.

DEAR ABBY: After being frustrated about not being able to track down and properly thank some of the teachers who helped me get where I am today, I had an idea. Wouldn't it be wonderful if each teacher had an e-mail address assigned to him or her -- even after they retired? If teachers heard from their former students, they would better understand the impact they made on our lives. Perhaps some great former teachers would even return to their profession. -- GRATEFUL DOCTOR IN DALLAS

DEAR GRATEFUL DOCTOR: Your idea has merit. However, until that day arrives, a phone call, or better still a letter, can achieve the same goal.

DEAR ABBY: Do you have space for one more "birds and bees" story? When my son and his playmate were very little, some big boys horrified them by bluntly telling them the "facts of life." Left alone, the two little boys talked the matter over anxiously. They finally decided, with a great surge of relief, that the big boys had been lying through their teeth.

"Of course they were lying!" my son's little pal assured him triumphantly, "and I can prove it. You see, maybe my mother MIGHT, but I know for sure my daddy would NEVER!" -- M.S. from DALLAS

DEAR M.S.: Which proves you should never say "Never"!

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have worked hard all our lives and raised three wonderful children. She's retired now, but still works part time at another job. I plan to retire in three years. We are at a point in our lives that we can take weekend trips and one or two vacations a year. It's our way of unwinding and enjoying each other.

The problem? My mother. Dad died a few years ago and Mom thinks everyone should think only of her. I am the oldest of three brothers and, trust me, Abby, all of us in the family do far more for her than most families would. That doesn't stop Mom from throwing hints around about feeling left out when my wife and I don't include her in our getaways.

Mom is on the go all the time, but to hear her tell it, she sits at home by herself day after day. When we call her, all she does is complain that no one ever calls or comes to see her. Nothing could be further from the truth. We have a schedule so that someone in the family calls her every morning and afternoon. Help! -- FRUSTRATED SON IN NASHVILLE

DEAR SON: Your mother may be shoveling the guilt your way, but why are you taking it to heart? Complaining may be her way of making conversation. Don't make excuses and don't take it personally. And if you want to include her occasionally, by all means do so.

DEAR ABBY: I recently married a wonderful woman with an adorable, energetic 3-year-old daughter.

My concern is my wife's mother, "Julia." She's a fine mother/mother-in-law, and the greatest grandmother in the world, but she harbors an intense dislike for my wife's ex-husband, "Trevor." Every time Trevor's name is mentioned, Julia says something negative about him. She refuses to talk to him or be in his presence. If she happens to be at our home when Trevor comes to pick up his daughter for visitation, she'll leave the room and go to a back bedroom.

Everyone in the family has discussed this with Julia, including my wife's grandmother. However, every time we raise the subject, she becomes angry at us.

While my wife and her ex were not good as a couple, this man has been nothing but a loving, patient and supportive father. He shows up on time, almost never cancels, pays his child support in full -- and my stepdaughter is always excited to see him.

My concern is that my mother-in-law's anger toward Trevor will eventually confuse my stepdaughter. Although she is young now, there will come a time when she'll be old enough to know something is wrong. What can be done, Abby? -- JEFF IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR JEFF: Lay down the law to Julia. Tell her she must keep her feelings about the child's father to herself. There is no reason the child should be subjected to this. If Julia cannot comply, she should plan ahead to be elsewhere when visitation is scheduled.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)