DEAR ABBY: I grew up as the abused child of a woman who lived on Valium but condemned my father for drinking. When she got mad at him, I was beaten. When someone else messed up, I was beaten. I spent my life being told how worthless I was, and wishing I were dead. I became a heavy drinker and experimented with drugs to block out my pain. The problem was, when I sobered up, the pain was still there.

When I became pregnant, I thought it was my one chance at happiness. When my infant daughter died, I no longer cared if I lived anymore.

Daddy escaped the nightmare, remarried and had a wonderful new family. I stayed, thinking it was my "duty" to look after Mother. Then one day my life changed. A wonderful man, "Barry," entered my life. He has stuck by me through all the grief and heartache my mother could dish out. She told me Barry was worthless and would never take care of me. Barry and I finally moved away from her because my health could no longer take the stress.

Fourteen years have passed since my best friend/lover/husband came into my life. We are still together. He treats me like a queen. My father has since passed away, but not before he and my husband became good friends. My step-siblings are wonderful to me; my stepmom and I speak regularly on the phone. Barry's mother has told me she loves me and is glad her son found me. Every day I thank God that she gave birth to him.

Abby, I am writing to say this: No matter how rough a hand life deals you ... hold on to the goodness and love that can be found. Love does exist -- you just have to find it. Sometimes the search is long and painful, but it is worth it once you reach your destination.

I have progressed from a worthless person to a job in management; from an empty life to one filled with family and friends; from nights filled with tears to days filled with laughter. It is possible.

God bless the people in my life, and God bless you, Abby, for being there to listen. -- A RESCUED SOUL

DEAR RESCUED SOUL: You may have been "rescued," but it took great strength to make it to that point. A more accurate definition of who you are is a survivor -- and an inspiration to those who have read your story.

When things were at their worst, you never gave up on yourself. You deserve the happiness for which you have struggled.

DEAR ABBY: I am 10 years old. My father was in a car accident when I was in first grade. He was in the hospital for four years and died last year. After the accident, my mother began seeing a man, "Craig." Whenever I ask Craig to help me with my homework, he touches me in places he shouldn't. I haven't told anyone, because I don't think my friends would believe me and neither would my mother. She would say it's because I don't like Craig. What should I do? -- SCARED IN MINNESOTA

DEAR SCARED: Since you are afraid your mother won't believe you, please confide in your teacher or school principal. If there is no one at school in whom you can confide, then call Childhelp USA and tell the counselor who answers what you have written to me. The toll-free number is 1-800-422-4453. They are there to help young people in situations like yours.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Eduardo," and I have been a couple for nearly four years. We plan to marry in 2004.

Eduardo's parents ("Maribell and Guillermo") have had their share of marital problems but have remained together. My father died six years ago, and my mother raised my sister and me by herself. She is an attractive woman with high standards who chose not to date until last year.

Our "combined family" has always enjoyed getting together on birthdays and holidays. However, recently Guillermo has been hitting on my mother! He stares at her, vies for her attention, and makes no secret of the fact that he loves to be near her.

My mother is not -- and would never be -- interested in him, especially since she and Maribell have become close friends.

I think the behavior of Eduardo's dad is out-and-out inappropriate, but if I mention it to Eduardo, he refuses to acknowledge there's a problem. He insists his father would never behave "like that." Eduardo won't discuss it with me anymore and refuses to bring it up with his dad.

Should I approach my future father-in-law myself, Abby? If so, exactly what should be said? I don't want to say anything to Maribell because if she hasn't already noticed her husband's behavior, it would only hurt her. Please share any suggestions you have. -- DISTRESSED AND DISTURBED

DEAR D AND D: You say your mother is attractive and has high standards. I'm sure this isn't the first time since your father's death that a man has "put the moves" on her.

Rather than involving yourself in this delicate situation, let her speak up for herself in putting Guillermo in his place.

DEAR ABBY: I surprised myself. I seduced a man not long ago, with the sole intent of having a one-night affair. We agreed that we didn't want to get seriously involved at the time.

Well, the one-night affair turned into six encounters in three weeks, and it is very enjoyable on a physical level. The problem is, the sexual aspect is all there is. I would like to go out and have fun, like the night I met him. I have brought this up, yet the subject remains unanswered.

How do I firmly express that I want more without him thinking that I'm looking for a relationship? -- ASKING TOO MUCH IN CHICAGO

DEAR ASKING TOO MUCH: But you ARE asking for a relationship -- you want to make plans, go out and have fun. That's a lot more than the one-night stand you indicated to him that you wanted. The irony is, you are getting more -- and less -- than you asked for.

Tell him straight out in plain English what you want. But don't be surprised if he's unwilling to cooperate. You're changing the rules after the game has started.

DEAR ABBY: I am a new stepfather to two adorable girls, ages 4 and 7. I explained to them that I am their stepfather -- but they call me Dad or Daddy anyway.

Their father heard them call me Daddy, and he's extremely upset. He is accusing me of "undermining his importance."

Abby, what should the girls call me -- and how do I handle this overbearing father? -- INSTANT FAMILY IN CENTRAL CALIFORNIA

DEAR INSTANT FAMILY: The girls should call you anything they wish. However, ask them to come up with several new options, and you pick the one you like best.

When the girls and you have decided on a new name, your problem with their father should disappear.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I read that letter from the widower who wondered when to tell his new lady friend that he was unable to fulfill his "bedroom duties." As a single woman in my 50s, please let him know he is not alone in his difficulties. I've learned that as men age, sexual problems become more frequent due to diabetes, heart attacks, prostate trouble and other health problems.

Research shows that couples in their 80s and 90s enjoy sex. Sex is what you make it -- it doesn't have to be intercourse to be enjoyable. Our lives and bodies change with age, so why not our view of sexual pleasure? We should work with what's available.

Men need to communicate openly and honestly with the women in their lives. Doctors need to be aware of how traumatic this is for couples and offer advice, bringing the subject up rather than waiting for the men to bring it to their attention. Some men are too shy or embarrassed to initiate the discussion. Sex is a basic human need, and there is no time line for it. -- A LAS VEGAS READER

DEAR READER: I'm sure you won't be surprised to know that I received hundreds of letters and e-mails from men and women offering support to the writer of that letter. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I applaud you for encouraging that man to seek medical treatment for his problem, as there are, indeed, many new treatments available for erectile dysfunction (E.D.).

However, I want your readers to also know that even if E.D. is untreatable, one's bedroom activities need not be over. The brain is the most important sexual organ that we humans possess, and extending from there, the human imagination offers any number of wonderful ways to express erotic love for our partners.

I would advise that gentleman not only to explore further treatment but also his own and his partner's creativity. There's more than one way for that gentleman to be a red-hot lover to his lady. -- TONY IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR TONY: I agree!

DEAR ABBY: If the widows I know had that man's address, there would be a stampede to his door. Most of the women in my circle who are older than 65 just want dinner and the theater and a peck on the cheek at the door. I'm sure you know this to be true. -- LOIS IN LONG BEACH, CALIF.

DEAR LOIS: Some do; many don't. That's why I never generalize.

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago I was impotent. I was seeing a wonderful woman who, when she learned of my problem, told me, "We'll face it together." With my best friend and soul mate, I found that intimacy and affection are not an X-rated movie. Love is much more important than that.

I later saw a doctor and overcame my problem, but in that time of difficulty, I learned more about love than I had in any of my 40-odd years. If the woman that widower in San Diego loves cannot accept reality, then I hope he can take comfort in knowing there are women in the world who can. I have been there, and I am grateful for my best friend. -- LONGTIME READER

DEAR LONGTIME READER: Although we live in a sex-drenched culture, not everyone has the same appetite, ability or enthusiasm for it. While sex is an important part of a relationship to many people, sex itself is not enough to keep a relationship going. And I have received thousands of letters from readers over the years that prove it.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)