DEAR READERS: Twenty-two years ago today, Oct. 22, 1980, my mother, Pauline Phillips, published a letter in her column from a woman signed "Desperate." Desperate's 60-year-old husband had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. She asked if Mother had ever heard of it, and how other spouses of Alzheimer's patients coped with it.

Mother stated in her reply that approximately 1 million people had Alzheimer's disease, and that families and friends of Alzheimer's sufferers had banded together to form an association to provide support, develop and disseminate helpful information and to encourage much-needed research to fight the disease.

With that column, a little-known disease received international attention. Within weeks, the Alzheimer's Association received more than 25,000 pieces of mail requesting information, volunteering services and donating money.

Over the years, Mother and I devoted a steady stream of columns to raising awareness of Alzheimer's disease, publicizing the association's programs and services, and supporting them financially. We watched with satisfaction as they grew into the largest private funder of Alzheimer research and the premier source of information and support for everyone touched by the disease.

How ironic that this disease should eventually strike my own dear mother -- a woman known for her sharp intellect and quick wit. Her diagnosis reinforces our sense of stewardship in the success of the Alzheimer's Association.

Research offers the only hope of discovering the answer to Alzheimer's disease. Through the association's efforts, federal funding for Alzheimer's research has grown from $13 million in 1980 to almost $600 million today. The association's goal is to increase that commitment to $1 billion. Unless a cure is found, an estimated 14 million more people will have this disease by the year 2050.

I will work more closely than ever with the Alzheimer's Association to achieve our shared goals -- to eliminate this thief of the mind through research, and to enhance the quality of life for individuals, caregivers and families like our own.

If you or someone you love needs the Alzheimer's Association's help -- or wants to join this cause -- call (800) 272-3900. Someone will be there to receive your call 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Or visit the Alzheimer's Association online at www.alz.org.

DEAR ABBY: In July of last year, my niece left her 1-month-old daughter with me, saying it would be for only a week. It is now well over a year later, and I am still taking care of her.

The baby's mother has seen her only three times in the year she's been with me. I've grown to love this little girl and think her mother's absence is unfair to her.

I have made the decision to try to gain legal custody of the child. Abby, do you think I'm wrong in doing so? -- LOVING AUNT IN THE BRONX

DEAR LOVING AUNT: Not at all. The child has been abandoned in your custody. By all means, consult a lawyer as soon as possible. It will be better for the child, and for you. Since you are acting as a parent, you should have the legal authority in case it becomes necessary.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I read your column faithfully, and I respect and trust your advice. My concern is for a nephew living with my sister in another state. "Bret" is 19. He lives at home, rarely leaves the house, and spends his days in front of the television or at the computer. His weight currently tops 300 pounds. (He's about 5 foot 10.)

Bret dropped out of school at 16 and eventually earned his G.E.D. He cannot or will not get a job and refuses to go to classes or counseling. His mother, her boyfriend and two brothers are classic enablers. They provide him with everything he needs. They are literally killing him with kindness.

I am very worried about Bret and at a loss as to what I can do, if anything. Any suggestions would be appreciated. -- FRUSTRATED ON THE WEST COAST

DEAR FRUSTRATED: You're right; Bret's family is doing him no favor by enabling him.

Your nephew needs a friend. Make an effort to get closer to him, one-on-one. If it's difficult to visit him in person, start talking to him online and invite him to come to visit you. If he accepts, try, without being pushy, to show him some of the possibilities that are available to him outside his home environment and away from the computer. If you know people his age, introduce him. It's a start in the right direction.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-year-old college student. I have been dating a wonderful man I'll call Cyrus for two years. He is sweet, good to me, and I am deeply in love with him. Cyrus has seizures that prevent him from driving a car or working full time. He lives with his mother and stepfather and receives a monthly disability check from the state.

When I tell people about my relationship with Cyrus, the first thing out of their mouths is, "What does he do for a living?" When I explain the situation, some of them turn up their noses and say, "Well, that doesn't sound like a very good excuse."

Abby, I want to marry Cyrus someday. However, these comments have made me wonder if he is the right person for me. I am not a spoiled or snobbish person who will marry only for money.

Should I ask Cyrus to consider finding a part-time job? Should I tell everyone to mind their own business? What should I do? -- WILLING IN WHEELING, W.VA.

DEAR WILLING: Make it your business to research all the information you can about your boyfriend's condition and how it may impact your future -- emotionally and financially. Love can conquer all; however, it's best to fully understand what to expect before making a lifetime commitment.

DEAR ABBY: I am 11 years old. Almost every time I go to the store to buy something, someone bugs me because I'm a kid. A couple of weeks ago I was in a store and a rude lady decided to get in front of me. She pushed me right out of line. After waiting 15 minutes, I left. I went home so mad I couldn't believe it. If it happens again, what should I do? -- A.J.M. IN AUBURN, N.Y.

DEAR A.J.M.: You have two choices. One, you can defer to the rude adult and chalk it up to the person's lack of manners, or two, speak up and in a loud voice proclaim, "Excuse me! I was here in line first." Sometimes asserting oneself can shame the offender into backing off.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I work in a public library. We do not charge patrons for using our computers or the Internet. People from all walks of life use it regularly. I can't help noticing that some people misrepresent themselves when e-mailing others.

One woman calls herself "Sexy Mama." She corresponds with a number of men. I know for a fact this woman had her children taken away because of physical abuse. She has poor dental hygiene, wears dirty clothes and is far from being a "sexy mama."

Some of the men who correspond with women have social and mental problems. After they've e-mailed a message to one of their "lady friends," they pull out a magazine and look at pornography.

The point I am making is that people can misrepresent themselves in chat rooms and e-mails. You have no means of knowing who you are corresponding with on the other computer.

Abby, please urge your readers not to give personal information to a stranger. Names, addresses and phone numbers should remain private. Anyone can say anything on the Internet. It doesn't make it true. -- CONCERNED LIBRARIAN IN KANSAS

DEAR CONCERNED LIBRARIAN: Thank you for the reminder. While some people have met online and developed relationships that have led to romance and/or marriage, it is important that people take the same precautions when using the Internet that they would when answering a personal ad or meeting an attractive stranger at a club or resort.

DEAR ABBY: I am 16. My parents divorced when I was around 5. My mother married "Nick" four years ago. Nick used to do crack, and stopped just a year ago. He now shoplifts, then returns the things to get money. He considers this to be his "job." My brother, two years older than me, had to go live with my father because my mother feared that he would kill Nick. Nick used to beat up my mother for stupid reasons so she'd give him money. I will never forgive Nick for what he has done.

A few weeks ago, I discovered that he and Mom are doing some kind of drug. Even though Nick has stopped using crack, he still shoplifts and yells at my mom until she gives him money. I really can't say anything, because whenever I make a suggestion, he yells at me and hurts my mom more. I have an urge to kill him. I'd have called the cops by now, but my mom would be sad.

Abby, I've always heard that the way you're raised could rub off on you, and I fear that I might end up like them. I would go live with my dad, but I'm not close to him or my brother. I told my mom the other day that I wish it could just be me and her. She said, "I know." Can you give me some advice for any of this? -- DESPERATE FOR HELP IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR DESPERATE: Call your father. It is never too late to develop a relationship, and you need him. Your mother's passive acceptance of this volatile and dangerous situation is affecting you. It's important that you get away from it and into a healthy, loving and nurturing environment.

You were not put on this Earth to keep your mother from being sad. With luck, she may remove herself from the situation before she and her boyfriend are arrested. In the meantime, take care of yourself. You are NOT like them, so don't worry.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)