DEAR ABBY: My husband of 10 months, "Stan," is kind, generous, and a hard worker. He does a lot of work around the house and likes to spoil me.

On the downside, Stan has a bad temper. He sometimes acts like an angry child. He'll speed away in his truck when he gets upset about some insignificant thing. There have been times when he's driving me somewhere that he has gotten mad and driven recklessly -- speeding and tailgating.

I have begged him to slow down and be careful, but it does no good. When we get home in one piece, I say a prayer of thanks.

Six weeks ago, Stan started taking medication for his panic disorder, but it hasn't helped. Although he calms down and apologizes afterward, the outbursts continue. He has promised to try anger management counseling, but we haven't pursued it yet because of the cost.

Should I go ahead and set up an appointment for him, Abby? What other advice can you offer? -- TEXAS TINA

DEAR TINA: Before scheduling any appointments for your spouse, his doctor should be notified that his present medication hasn't modified his behavior. After that, your husband should set up his own appointment for the anger management classes. Be supportive, but he must take responsibility for his own actions. There is only so much one can do for another.

DEAR ABBY: I am an English as a Second Language (ESL) tutor, and would like to respond to the letters about your column being used to teach English to foreign students.

Large numbers of immigrants in my area do not speak English. It's not an easy language to learn. I cringe when I see U.S. citizens walking in the mall sporting T-shirts that state, "Welcome to America: Now Learn Our Language!" Maybe these folks think they're cool, but they must realize that there are countless people in this country who would love to learn English. However, they need tutors.

There is much demand for ESL tutors -- for individuals willing to meet with some of these immigrants weekly to conduct a conversation class. Instead of being angry at our new citizens, valuable time could be spent teaching them.

Have any of those people sporting slogans on T-shirts ever tried answering the 100 questions one must study to take the citizenship test? Let me tell you, Abby, I have been stumped by a number of these questions -- while my ESL students could rattle off the answers.

If anyone reading this has the time to tutor, it can be a rewarding way to volunteer. Come learn how! The students are deeply appreciative. -- ESL TUTOR IN MIDDLESEX COUNTY, N.J.

DEAR ESL TUTOR: What a wonderful idea. Readers interested in becoming a tutor should contact the local school district, library or community center to see if there are programs in their area.

DEAR ABBY: I am a regular churchgoer. My pastor said there is no sex in heaven, but my gut feeling is that there is. Is there sex in heaven? -- SEXY IN SIOUX FALLS, S.D.

DEAR SEXY: I'm not sure, but if my mail is an indicator, it could be the answer to a lot of prayers.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman in my early 30s who is a well-paid professional. I like to think I have a good head on my shoulders and a pleasant personality. A year ago, I met a wonderful man, "Adam." He is younger than I am, but we are compatible and our relationship has deepened. I recently asked him to live with me and offered financial assistance so he could pursue his medical education full-time.

My family is in an uproar! They already disapproved of the fact that Adam is younger than I am. Now they are barely civil to him. He has stopped attending family functions with me. Even when he's not around, they badger me to realize that he's "using me."

I finally confronted my sister and insisted she tell me why the family thinks there is no chance that this man loves me. After some hesitation, the truth came out: They think he's too good-looking for a "plain girl" like me.

I was devastated. I have always known that I'm no beauty, but I was convinced Adam saw beyond that and appreciated my other qualities. I WAS convinced, that is -- until now. Abby, what's your take on this? -- HURT AND CONFUSED IN THE LONE STAR STATE

DEAR HURT AND CONFUSED: Please do not allow your overprotective family to devastate your self-esteem. If Adam has given you no reason to doubt him, only time will tell what the future holds for the two of you. You deserve to be happy and to be respected. Allow no one to destroy that.

DEAR ABBY: I am the father of a 7-year-old son, "Taylor." His mother, "Gwen," and I had a long-term relationship, but when she became pregnant, neither of us wanted to marry. In our hearts we knew it wouldn't work and we didn't want to subject our son to a broken marriage.

Both Gwen and I have taken our roles as parents seriously. Since his birth, I have supported Taylor financially. Taylor has spent nearly every weekend at my home or my parents' since he was 3. I also spend time with my son during the week -- going to the park, to the movies, etc.

I recently became engaged to a woman I'll call Stacey. We want to be married next year and are planning a large wedding. I had hoped to have Taylor serve as our ring bearer. Stacey's niece will be our flower girl.

At first, my son's mother was agreeable to the idea, but now she's against it. Gwen refuses to give me a concrete reason, other than she "doesn't think it's a good idea." She said our son can attend the wedding accompanied by his baby sitter but cannot be a member of the wedding party.

I am angry about this. Stacey says I should calm down and accept the situation. I'm looking to you, Abby. What do you think? -- TAYLOR'S FATHER IN NEW YORK

DEAR TAYLOR'S FATHER: Listen to your fiancee. She's a wise woman. There is nothing to be gained by starting World War III. It appears that your son's mother resents the fact you are committing your life to another woman. Refusing to allow your young son to be in the wedding is her only way of asserting some control in a situation she cannnot otherwise control.

Although Taylor cannot be your ring bearer, make sure he wears a boutonniere and is present in some of the wedding pictures. It will make him feel a part of the celebration -- and that's what's important.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 20 years old and have been living with my boyfriend, "Doug," and his dad for the past year. Doug is my best friend, and I'm in love with him.

My problem is I'm ready for us to go out into the world and get our own place, but Doug is not. Lately we have been fighting a lot over little things -- but sometimes it's the little things that count.

The three of us live in a one-bedroom apartment. Doug and I have the bedroom, and his dad sleeps in the living room, which means we have to go to bed at night even when we're not ready.

I love to cook and I long for my own kitchen. Not only is there a lack of privacy, but there is no place for me to put all my nice things.

I am ready to grow up and leave the nest, but my boyfriend isn't. His dad gives him money all the time, and we don't pay rent. Doug feels we've got it made. He doesn't understand my desire for independence.

What should I do? I don't want to leave him. Every time we kiss, it's like the first time. -- READY TO GROW UP AND MOVE OUT IN FLORIDA

DEAR READY: You have some hard choices to make. You may love Doug, but at this point you both want (and need) different things. You have matured and are ready for independence. He is still financially and emotionally dependent on his father. This may be a case of the right person at the wrong time. Please don't put your life on hold waiting for this young man to grow up. It could take a very long time.

DEAR ABBY: I am embroiled in an awkward situation. A year ago I changed jobs. Within a few weeks I met "Bill," and we became good friends. Six months later, we started dating and eventually began sleeping together.

Now it seems all Bill wants to do is have sex! I have told him that I believe a relationship should be based on more than hopping in the sack, but his response is always that we still do "other stuff," and sex is important to him.

Abby, the only time I see him outside the bedroom is at the office where we keep our relationship strictly professional. He recently got a promotion and is now my boss.

I want to go back to being friends with Bill, but am afraid if I suggest it he'll make my work life miserable. I've tried to distance myself by going out with friends on my days off, but he goes out of his way to make me feel guilty about not being with him.

Abby, right now the situation's getting so bad that I am seriously considering asking for a transfer to our company's other office out of state. I can't afford to quit and look for another position -- and besides, I love my job. It accommodates my class schedule at college, and I don't want to change schools in midstream. Please come up with some ideas on how to get out of this mess. Sign me ... WORK/SEX DON'T MIX, WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR W/S DON'T MIX: You must get out of there as quickly as you can even if it means changing colleges. Tell your new boss you want that transfer, and if he tries to prevent it, tell the whole story to the human resources department at your company. They should be glad to help you, considering the alternative could be a nasty, embarrassing lawsuit.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)