DEAR ABBY: Thank you for your response to my "Angry Aunt in Akron," who complained because I haven't written thank-you notes for the wedding gifts my husband and I received from his family. (I was prompt in acknowledging those we received from mine.) This was per the agreement we had made before the wedding.

When mine were finished, I nagged to no avail. A few months later, his parents confronted me. I explained our agreement to split the chore, but my mother-in-law thought otherwise. She continued to argue that my husband "always had trouble when it came to writing." Throughout school his parents corrected his mistakes and typed his papers before he turned them in. In other words, instead of teaching him, they "fixed" things for him -– and she blamed me for not doing the same.

Abby, I married a man, not a child. Marriage is a union, a joint venture between two people. You said it beautifully when you advised my aunt that "times have changed." They have! A woman's place isn't where it used to be, and a wife isn't a replacement for a mother. -- THANKFUL BRIDE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR THANKFUL BRIDE: I said times were CHANGING; I didn't say that the change was complete. While many people agreed with my reply, almost as many did not. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I disagree with you. Marriage is a partnership. While the groom is ill-mannered and negligent, I think the bride is being childish. If I waited for my wife of 33 years to do what some might consider "her job," our household would be a sorry state -– and I'm sure plenty of times she'd say the same about me. If more young people adopted our philosophy, perhaps there wouldn't be so many divorces. -- GARY IN GRANITE CITY, ILL

DEAR GARY: I agree that a successful marriage takes a lot of giving on both sides. What I disagree with is the stereotype that writing thank-you notes is automatically "woman's work."

DEAR ABBY: Your reply to "Angry Aunt" was correct. I'm 54. In recent years I have received many thank-you notes from the groom. I agree that with both husband and wife working, it's only fair that both write them. My son is being married in three months. I plan on showing him the letter from "Angry Aunt" and also my reply. -- HAPPY AUNT B. IN NEW ORLEANS

DEAR HAPPY AUNT B.: You'll be doing him and his bride a favor.

DEAR ABBY: I had the same problem. After weeks of watching my husband, "Roy," procrastinate, I realized that while they were "his" guests, we were one unit. People who thought poorly of him would also think poorly of "us."

Roy and I bring different strengths and weaknesses to our marriage, and perhaps my strength could help him with his weakness -– so I came up with a plan: Roy had expressed interest in visiting a new French cafe. I agreed to go, but only if we took blank thank-you cards that Roy would write while I caught up on other post-wedding work. We shared a delightful bottle of wine, and the thank-yous went out the next day.

That bride needs to be creative about getting her new husband to send the thank-yous out, because, like it or not, his procrastination makes them both look bad. -- CHICAGO NEWLYWED

DEAR NEWLYWED: C'est magnifique! Thanks for sharing your solution.

DEAR ABBY: After a recent wedding I attended, the bride wrote the notes to the groom's family and friends, and the groom wrote to the bride's. This made me feel more welcomed by the groom and let me know he wanted to communicate with his new bride's side of the family. A great way to incorporate into one family, don't you think? -- AMANDA IN BLOOMINGTON, IND.

DEAR AMANDA: I do. And excellent public relations.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cook booklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: February is devoted to "matters of the heart." As president of the American Diabetes Association, I offer this message to your readers and to the 17 million Americans with diabetes: The "heart matters" when treating diabetes -- much more than people realize.

Two out of three people with diabetes will die from heart attack or stroke unless they manage their blood sugar, blood pressure and cholesterol. The following are the ABCs of diabetes:

(A) A1C, the test that measures average blood sugar over the past three months, should be less than seven, and checked at least twice a year.

(B) BLOOD PRESSURE should be below 130/80 and measured at every visit with your doctor.

(C) CHOLESTEROL (LDL or "bad") should be below 100 and checked once a year.

It's imperative that people with diabetes work closely with their health-care provider to determine what steps they can take to reach their ABC goals. Some people may have to make changes in their meal plans or exercise routines. In many cases, medicines are needed to keep the ABCs on track.

The American Diabetes Association and the American College of Cardiology have launched a major assault on diabetes and cardiovascular disease through an initiative called "Make the Link! Diabetes, Heart Disease and Stroke." Abby, please encourage your readers to learn more about this effort by calling (800) 342-2383 or visiting our Web site: www.diabetes.org/makethelink. -- FRANCINE KAUFMAN, M.D.

DEAR DR. KAUFMAN: Thank you for an important letter. Out of the 17 million Americans with diabetes, almost 6 million don't know it. That's because diabetes develops gradually, often without obvious signs or symptoms.

The most common symptoms of Type 1 diabetes are: frequent urination, unusual thirst, extreme hunger, unusual weight loss, extreme fatigue and irritability. Type 2 diabetes symptoms are the same as Type 1, plus: frequent infections, blurred vision, cuts/bruises that are slow to heal, tingling/numbness in the hands or feet, and recurring skin, gum or bladder infections.

There is a quick and easy test to see if you are at risk on the Web site: www.diabetes.org/risktest.

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Alicia," and I were married three months ago. We have a large circle of friends who gave us wonderful wedding gifts.

Yesterday, a package arrived in the mail. It was addressed only to Alicia, but we opened it together. Inside, we found a beautifully framed photograph of Alicia with her old boyfriend, "Enrico." It had been taken several years ago on Maui. They were laughing with their arms around each other (in wet bathing suits) in front of a beautiful tropical sunset. I was very offended. I took the photograph out of the frame and tore it up. Alicia thinks I overreacted, but I couldn't help myself.

Enrico has never liked me because "I took Alicia away from him." I believe he intentionally wanted to push my buttons -- and he succeeded. I totally trust Alicia, but feel my anger was justified. What do you think? -- BUMMED BY THE BEACH PHOTO

DEAR BUMMED: I think you played right into Enrico's hands. Look at it on the positive side: You have Alicia and a nice picture frame. All poor Enrico has are his memories -- and the negative.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I do not typically write to advice columnists, but the plea from the 16-year-old from Santa Rosa, who asked how to help her friend who has an eating disorder, touched me. I was in a similar situation -- my friend was anorexic. I, too, was afraid of betraying her, but my fear for her life finally overrode that.

Sobbing, I called her parents and talked with her mother. My friend was furious and refused to speak to me for a long time. I felt guilty for revealing her secret.

Her parents thanked me and saw that she got much-needed help. Today she is healthy, happily married and has children of her own. And we are friends again.

I want that young lady to know that it's OK -- even if it feels wrong -- to tell the truth, to ask for help, and yes, to betray a trust if it's a matter of life and death. Bulimia, and any other eating disorder, falls into that category. -- STILL FRIENDS IN WISCONSIN

DEAR STILL FRIENDS: Bless you for wanting to support her. Her letter brought a flood of mail about the danger of eating disorders. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I just saw the letter from the 16-year-old girl with the bulimic friend. Yes, PLEASE tell someone! One of my best friends in high school was the same way. I had many opportunities to tell teachers or her mom, but I didn't. She committed suicide in her parents' garage during our sophomore year in college. Had I "betrayed" her in high school, perhaps she would have gotten the professional help she needed and she'd be with us today. She was beautiful and talented. I will always miss her. -- KATHY IN COLORADO

DEAR KATHY: Please do not blame yourself. Years ago, people did not recognize the seriousness of eating disorders.

DEAR ABBY: The daughter of some close friends has anorexia. Her friends, including her boyfriend, intervened and told her that if she did not tell her parents, they would. The girl took them seriously. She went to her high school social worker and her parents were called in.

The parents handled it wonderfully. They got their daughter medical and psychological help -- not only for her, but also for the entire family.

A true friend must tell, regardless of the possible consequences. It beats the alternative, which can be death. -- ANONYMOUS IN MINNESOTA

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Thank you for pointing out that an eating disorder can be a FAMILY problem.

DEAR ABBY: My 16-year-old niece took her life. After the funeral, two of her closest friends told my sister that my niece had been bulimic for nine months preceding her death.

Eating disorders should be taken seriously, as there are reasons behind them that have nothing to do with food. A person who is bulimic -- or has "episodes" of purging -- is in serious danger and may be depressed or even suicidal. -- SURVIVOR OF A LOVED ONE'S SUICIDE IN NEW YORK

DEAR SURVIVOR: Please accept my sympathy for your loss. Thank you for wanting to warn others.

DEAR ABBY: Your advice was right on. The friend must tell. There is no time to waste. I know from personal experience. I am bulimic, and have been since I was 15. I am now 33 and struggle every day. I only wish someone had helped me when I needed it. The longer you wait, the harder it is to control. She will be saving her friend's life, because in the long run, the life of a bulimic is no life at all. -- ANONYMOUS, GRANTS PASS, ORE.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)