DEAR ABBY: My mother has a gambling problem. She plays bingo every night. She even took a lower-paying part-time job to devote more time to the game. She's close to retirement and has already gone through her life savings. She now lives off my deceased father's small pension.

I am the oldest of Mom's three sons. She routinely calls each of us to complain that she can't pay her bills. We give her what we can, but it has started causing problems between our spouses and us. We all work hard to support our families. Mother refuses to see how much trouble she's causing everyone.

We have tried talking to her about the gambling. She claims bingo is the only thing in life she enjoys and doesn't think she should have to give it up. What's the solution? -- STRESSED-OUT SON IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR STRESSED-OUT: As with any addiction, your mother cannot be helped unless she admits she has a problem. Under no circumstances should any of you accommodate her requests for money. Encourage her to contact Gamblers Anonymous, P.O. Box 17173, Los Angeles, CA 90017, or call (213) 386-8789. The Web site is www.gamblersanonymous.org.

An alternative would be the National Council on Problem Gambling, a nonprofit organization. It refers gamblers to qualified mental health professionals who have been trained to work with gamblers and their families. The hotline number is 1-800-522-4700; the Web site is www.ncpgambling.org.

The next time your mother asks for money, tell her only if it pays for her therapy.

DEAR ABBY: I have been living with my boyfriend, "Bobby," for almost two years. We moved in together after dating for only one month. Bobby and I love each other, and I think we belong together, but it doesn't take much for one of us to get mad at the other.

When it happens, it turns into a screaming match. On more than one occasion, one of us will pack our bags and threaten to move out. At that point, we usually stop and try to talk things out -- but nothing is ever truly resolved.

I now have an opportunity to move in with a girlfriend who is renting a house nearby. I have to give her an answer ASAP or she'll find another roommate. I think my relationship with Bobby MIGHT survive if we take a break from living together and date others. It would give us a chance to miss each other. Bobby disagrees. He says if I move out, it's over.

The truth is, I believe we will eventually break up whether I move out now or stay a little longer. Either way, I lose. Please help me make the right choice. -- TIRED OF THE TENSION ON THE FLORIDA COAST

DEAR TIRED: Listen to your intuition and move in with your girlfriend. That little voice is telling you your relationship with Bobby is winding down, not moving forward. Trust me, this is the right choice.

DEAR ABBY: For years I've seen news stories about people on vacation who lose their children, or who get injured and need to be rescued. Before venturing into the great outdoors, everyone should buy a small whistle that can be used to alert others if help is needed. It could be worn on a string around the neck or kept in a pocket. Thanks, Abby -- a little whistle could save a life. -- GIVES A TOOT IN POINT ARENA, CALIF.

DEAR GIVES A TOOT: I agree that a whistle can be handy to have in an emergency. However, I do NOT think that one should be placed around the neck of a small child. It's too easy for the cord to become tangled in something and cause a choking accident. Better to attach it to a keychain and attach the keychain to a belt loop.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My fifth-grade son, "Mikey," is considered the best soccer player on our community team. My problem is the mother of another player on the team. I'll call her Phyllis. At least three other moms have told me that Phyllis has been criticizing me at the games to anyone who'll listen.

I have never done anything to her, and I'm beginning to wonder if she's bad-mouthing me because my Mikey is a better soccer player than her boy. (Everyone knows the only reason her son is on the team is because his dad is the coach.)

Last Saturday, I was standing on the sidelines talking with another mother about the team's treats schedule, when Phyllis marched up and told me the treats I've been bringing to the games are junk food. How insulting! I made them myself.

Abby, I've had it with her. I try to stay as far away from this crazy-maker as I can. Is there a law against slandering someone like she's been doing to me? No way am I going to put up with her nonsense until our sons graduate from high school. Please help. -- SOCCER MOM READY TO SOCK-IT-TO-HER

DEAR SOCCER MOM: There are laws against slander, but in order to win a lawsuit you have to prove damages. Obviously, Phyllis is the community loudmouth. (Three people have told you so.) Continue to take the high road and ignore her comments. If you don't allow yourself to react to them, she'll look like a combative fool.

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Ruthie," and I have been together for 10 years and married for five. We have three beautiful children. Last year, I caught Ruthie having an affair, but I eventually forgave her.

To this day, every time my wife leaves the house, I can't help asking her who she's meeting, where she'll be, what time I can expect her home -- and if she's going to cheat on me again. Every once in a while, I still find strange phone numbers in her pocket or purse. When I call, the men always say they didn't know Ruthie was married. Then they quickly break it off with her.

Abby, I want my marriage to last. I love my wife with all my heart. What can I do to make my marriage to Ruthie better? -- KENTUCKY HUSBAND

DEAR HUSBAND: Counseling might help if your wife sincerely wants to save the marriage. It's possible that she is a sex addict. If she's willing to admit that she has a problem, Sexaholics Anonymous can be helpful. It's a self-help group for sexually compulsive men and women. It can be contacted by writing: P.O. Box 111910, Nashville, TN 37222-1910. The Web site is: www.sa.org.

If all else fails, consult a family law attorney and see what your options are. You deserve to be respected, and your first responsibility is to your children.

P.S. Have you been checked for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs)? If the answer is no, you should be. Please don't wait.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 27-year-old male. I live at home. My problem is my uncle, "Barney." He's my dad's brother. Uncle Barney always takes Dad out to eat and shopping and stuff and never invites me. Sometimes he will ask my dad right in front of me. It makes me feel awkward and unwanted. How should I handle this? -- EXCLUDED IN MARYSVILLE, CALIF.

DEAR EXCLUDED: Tell your uncle privately how you feel when he extends an invitation in your presence and excludes you. Tell your father that occasionally you would like to be included. It's possible they don't realize that their conversation would interest you. It's worth a try.

If that doesn't work, consider this: Sometimes people who live together need a break from each other. Don't take it personally. Cultivate friends your own age.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: The summer travel season has officially begun. The criminals are prepared; are your readers?

According to the FBI's Uniform Crime Reporting Program (2000), the greatest number of burglaries occurs in July and August -- and 60 percent of all residential burglaries occur during the daytime. The Home Safety Council recommends simple safeguards that will reduce the chances of being victimized:

(1) Evaluate your home's security. Do all door and window locks work?

(2) Is outside lighting bright and focused to illuminate potential entry points?

(3) Are hedges and trees trimmed so intruders can't use them for cover?

(4) Have you removed any extra keys that you've hidden outside? (Burglars know all the good hiding places.)

(5) Make your home look "lived in" while you're away. Buy timers to set lights to come on at different times.

(6) Ask a neighbor to park in your driveway while you're gone.

(7) Stop newspaper and mail deliveries, or have someone pick them up daily.

(8) Do not invite trouble by changing your answering machine greeting to say you're out of town on vacation.

(9) Provide a neighbor, relative or close friend with your itinerary and contact information so you can be reached in case of emergency.

Thanks for sharing this information with your readers, Abby. -- MERI-K APPY, PRESIDENT, THE HOME SAFETY COUNCIL

DEAR MERI-K: Thank you for the timely tips. Readers, for even more safety suggestions, a free checklist can be downloaded at the Home Safety Council's Web site: www.homesafetycouncil.org.

Happy trails to you, fellow travelers!

DEAR ABBY: There has been a new arrival in our family and I have an important question. Is it true that two brown-eyed, dark-haired people cannot be the parents of a blue-eyed, fair-haired child? If so, this is completely contrary to what I was taught in school.

It has always been my understanding that a child carries not only the genes of his or her parents, but also the genes of grandparents, great-grandparents, etc.

Please check with your experts and let me know as soon as possible. This debate has caused a huge rift in our family. -- RICHMOND, VA., READER

DEAR READER: I hope this short biology lesson will silence the nay-sayers:

In the 19th century, an Austrian monk and botanist named Gregor Mendel discovered the existence of "dominant" and "recessive" genes.

In a nutshell, his research proved that a child can inherit a recessive gene from an ancestor and have eye color, hair color, skin color and other features that are different from both its mother and father. This is called Mendelian law.

You can prove it to your disbelieving relatives by going to the library and checking out some books on Mendel's law of genetic inheritance and recessive genes. Please don't wait. They need educating before their ignorance causes the rift to be permanent.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)