DEAR ABBY: I have had an exclusive relationship with "Brad" for almost four years. We love each other dearly. We will soon be seniors in college and spend a lot of time together, including holidays, vacations and family functions. He is my best friend, and it's hard to imagine life without him.

Lately, however, as I think about our future more seriously, I am beginning to question whether Brad and I are right for each other. We do not see eye-to-eye on some important issues -- including politics, religion and having kids. It also concerns me that he's not as ambitious as I am when it comes to career goals and opportunities. Brad has never been one to plan very far into the future, whereas stability and security are important to me.

When I try to discuss my concerns, Brad claims I'm being hysterical and says, "Here we go again!" If I pursue it, we end up arguing and nothing gets resolved.

Should I break up with Brad now so that we can both meet other people in our senior year -- or am I being unreasonable? -- LOVESICK IN ILLINOIS

DEAR LOVESICK: Not at all. You are asking intelligent and mature questions about a decision that will affect the rest of your lives. I commend you for it.

Do not allow Brad to minimize your concerns and your differences. He needs to do some growing up before he makes a lifetime commitment to anyone -- including you. Some time apart would benefit both of you.

DEAR ABBY: I was with my boyfriend, "Marty," for six years before we had our daughter. She is now 3 years old. On Valentine's Day, Marty finally gave me an engagement ring. I couldn't have been happier -- until the other day when someone asked Marty what kind of ring it was. He said it was a "friendship ring." Can you believe this?

Abby, I am a person who believes in family values. I want my daughter to have a full-time father. I am thinking it might be time for me to leave Marty. Should I ask him if we are ever going to be married, or are we just going to continue to play house? -- NOT LAUGHING IN MARYLAND

DEAR NOT LAUGHING: There is a big difference between friendship and engagement. Of course you should ask him. But before you do, tell him why you're asking. If he can't bring himself to set a wedding date, the family YOU value will have to include someone other than Marty.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an attractive 18-year-old single female from a good family. I enjoy wonderful friendships and am about to begin my first year of college. I was wondering if you could figure out what my problem is, because nobody else can.

Whenever I like a guy, I make it clear with friendly, "interested" actions. (But believe me, I'm not too forward.)

At first, guys seem to like me, too. But then they quickly become uninterested and end up never asking me out -- or even talking to me again! This has happened sooo many times.

Please help. What am I doing wrong? -- DATELESS ON SATURDAY NIGHTS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR DATELESS: Your friendliness and "interest" may be being interpreted as needy and desperate. This is a huge turn-off for members of both sexes. Tone it down a little, and see if you get better results.

P.S. You might more closely observe what your girlfriends do.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-year-old male and a full-time college student. On nights and weekends I hold down two part-time jobs. One of them is delivering pizza.

One night two weeks ago, I made a delivery to a nearby motel. As I was leaving, I saw a familiar car pull into the parking lot. It was my mother's Mustang. She was driving.

I was surprised to see her there, so I turned my car around and followed her to the rear of the motel. I watched her park, get out, knock on a door and enter. After several minutes of confusion, I returned to my job.

Two hours later, after more deliveries, I returned to the motel. Sure enough, her car was still parked in the same spot. After 20 minutes or so, I watched her come out of a room with a man I recognized from her office. He's in his late 20s, and I know he has a wife and two small children. (Mother is 41, but looks younger.) I froze. I didn't confront her.

Now I don't know what to do. Every time I look at my dad I feel guilty because I haven't said anything. The news would crush him. Should I continue keeping this to myself or tell someone? -- IN SHOCK IN CHICAGO

DEAR IN SHOCK: It is unfortunate that you have been caught in the middle. The person you should talk to is your mother. Your father needs to be told, but she is the one who should do it. If her co-worker is cheating on his wife with your mother, he could also be cheating with others. In that case, your parents should both be tested for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Howard," and I are in our early 40s with two young children. I have had a problem with my father-in-law my entire marriage. He expects Howard to entertain him on weekends. As it is, they see each other Monday through Friday because they work together. My father-in-law is married, but he doesn't want to be home with his wife on weekends -- he'd rather spend time fishing or bowling with his son.

I think Howard should be with our children and me on the weekends. When I complain to him about it, Howard accuses me of nagging. This Saturday morning when I objected, Howard stalked out and said over his shoulder, "See you tonight!" It's impossible to make plans for the weekends because Howard won't agree to anything until he checks with his dad first to see if HE wants to do something.

Am I selfish to want my husband's attention for our children and me on weekends? After all, his dad already sees him far more than we do. Should I try to accept this, or tell my husband to either grow up or move in with his dad? Please help me, Abby. The tension between us is unbearable. -- DESPERATE WIFE IN TENNESSEE

DEAR DESPERATE WIFE: Your father-in-law is, and has been, a terrible role model for his son. Your husband is no longer a child; he is a grown man with responsibilities of his own that he is shirking.

Since Howard doesn't want to hear it from you, your next move should be to get some marriage counseling. If he won't go with you, take your mother-in-law and go without him. It may come to light that because of their business relationship, Howard feels he can't say no to Dad for fear of jeopardizing his financial obligations to you and the children. Whatever the reason, it needs to be brought out into the open.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Yesterday I saw a little boy left alone in a parked car. The windows were rolled down about 2 inches. The child, probably 1 year old, was strapped in a child seat in the back of the vehicle. It was a hot day and the car was sitting in the sun.

I was going into the library, so I hoped that the parent would only be gone long enough to return a book. However, when I came out, the child was still there. I got into my car and was about to call the police, but before I did, the parent came out and drove away. I did jot down the license number.

I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind, so I phoned to report the incident to the police this afternoon. Perhaps it will keep that parent from doing it again. I know I should have taken action the moment I saw the child, and I feel guilty that I did not.

Abby, please remind your readers that children should NEVER be left alone in a car. Anyone who sees a child in an unattended car should phone the police immediately. I'm glad the baby didn't die because of my inaction. -- ILLINOIS PARENT

DEAR ILLINOIS PARENT: Thank you for a timely reminder. Health experts warn that on a breezy day with the temperature only in the low 70s, the interior of a closed automobile can heat up to 125 degrees in 15 minutes. Even with the window cracked, a child could dehydrate within minutes -- with deadly results. And the same goes for pets.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 17-year-old boy with a big problem. There's this girl, "Ashley," I really care about. But I don't know how to tell her. I took her to the junior prom and afterward we spent most of the night together -- talking.

That night I realized how much Ashley and I have in common and how much I care for her. The trouble is, it's summer vacation, and it seems like she's always too busy to go out with me, or she already has plans.

We talk almost every day, but I need to see her and be with her. Abby, I know no one is perfect, but Ashley is the closest thing to it.

Yesterday I broke down and cried because I realized how much I want her to be mine. Can you please tell me what to do -- and how to tell her my feelings? I ache inside. -- SMITTEN IN OHIO

DEAR SMITTEN: Look at the bright side:

(1) Ashley obviously likes you. The two of you talk on the phone nearly every day. Tell her you really like her. It's a compliment and it's the truth.

(2) You shared a wonderful night at the prom. It is something the two of you will never forget.

Perhaps this will have to do for now. Summers fly by quickly, and soon you will have more school events to share. In the meantime, make plans with other friends and stay active. It will keep you from dwelling on the fact that you're not with Ashley as much as you'd like to be.

DEAR ABBY: Your recent letter regarding tattoos reminded me of an incident I'd like to share. Last year I was in a nail salon in Hawaii, waiting for a manicure and a pedicure. Waiting with me were two ladies well into their 60s.

A girl of about 20 strolled in and sat down across the room from us. She was wearing a low-cut top, so we couldn't help but notice a prominent rose tattoo high on her breast.

One of the women leaned over to the rest of us and whispered, "Little does she know that when she's in her 50s, she'll have a long-stemmed rose!" -- KATHLEEN IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR KATHLEEN: If you didn't laugh out loud, you deserve a bouquet of roses.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)