DEAR READERS: Today is Thanksgiving, the time we pause to consider the blessings for which we have to be thankful. In many homes across the country turkeys are being stuffed, just as the people who consume them will be later in the day.

But for many individuals, these holidays can be an intensely difficult time, triggering feelings of stress, loneliness and loss. If the person is prone to depression, these feelings can be further magnified.

How can anyone feel depressed at this time of year, you ask? It's not that far-fetched. People who are separated from their families often feel isolated because they can't celebrate in the traditional way. Families who have lost a loved one during the year often feel the absence especially keenly at this time. Others become depressed because they imagine that everyone else is enjoying a warm, idealized family experience, while they are on the outside looking in.

Even people who enjoy the holidays can find them stressful. This is a time of year when people are stretched for time, energy and money -- particularly the latter. They may become embarrassed because they can't celebrate the way they would like to, or in the style they have in years past.

Some ways to ward off the holiday blues:

Keep expectations reasonable. Don't take on more activities than you can handle -- financially or otherwise.

Don't overspend. Plan a holiday budget and live within it -- regardless of the temptation.

Do not run up credit card debt, or January will be like a serious hangover.

And speaking of hangovers -- watch your alcohol intake. Remember, although alcohol seems to be a mood elevator, it is actually a depressant. If you have a problem with alcohol, get whatever support you need to make it through the holidays.

A final thought: If you're feeling down and want an instant "upper," the surest way to accomplish it is to do something nice for someone else. Call someone who lives alone and invite that person to dinner. Better yet, say, "I'm coming to get you, and I'll see that you get safely home." (Some older people don't drive at night, and those who do might prefer not to be behind the wheel after dark.) Give it a try! You'll be glad you did.

And now, I'll repeat the Thanksgiving Prayer that was penned by my mother years ago. My Thanksgiving would not be complete without it:

O, Heavenly Father,

We thank Thee for food and remember the hungry.

We thank Thee for health and remember the sick.

We thank Thee for friends and remember the friendless.

We thank Thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.

May these remembrances stir us to service.

That Thy gifts to us may be used for others. Amen.

P.S. We have much for which to be grateful this Thanksgiving Day. For those of you with a little time to spare, how about showing our gratitude to veterans by visiting a veterans hospital and raising the spirits of those who have served our country?

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! -- LOVE, ABBY

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am in my early teens and have mood swings. I assume everybody has them, but I have had mine nearly every day for the past five months. One minute I will be laughing about something, the next minute I get "down in the dumps." I can feel happy and sad at the same time.

I haven't told anybody about how I feel -- not even my parents. I need to know if this is a real problem, or if this is a part of "growing up." Please help. -- CONFUSED ALABAMA TEEN

DEAR CONFUSED: You are at an age when there are massive changes occurring in your body chemistry. What you have described can sometimes be caused by hormonal shifts.

However, it is important that you communicate your feelings to your parents and discuss your mood swings with them. From my perspective, they are definitely a part of growing up. But if they continue to trouble you, an appointment with your family doctor should be scheduled.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Mack," and I have seven children. I was a stay-at-home mom while they were growing up. Mack worked in the oil fields. An accident in the fields put him in a wheelchair and now I work while he stays home.

Mack was told he would never again feel anything from the waist down, but he has been fortunate to have regained the use of everything except his left leg.

My problem is, while I am at work, Mack gets drunk and trashes the house. I have tried talking to him about it, but he gets defensive. He says I don't tell him what needs to be done so he doesn't do it. I feel he should look around and do what he knows needs to be done. How do I get him to cooperate? -- STUCK IN TEXAS

DEAR STUCK: Before your husband can do an effective job around the house, he will have to sober up. Please encourage him to get help for his drinking. The cause might be depression, frustration or anger that he is no longer the primary wage earner and is stuck at home doing what he perceives to be "woman's work." Counseling can help. And an AA meeting is as near as the phone book.

Once Mack has dried out enough to be lucid during your working hours, I recommend you give him a list of the things that need to be done around the house. It's a lot more helpful than giving him an argument later.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Wylie" for 3 1/2 years. Eight weeks ago, he gave me an engagement ring. I immediately shared the news with my friends. He, on the other hand, has told no one about our engagement.

One of the people I told went to Wylie and said, "I heard you're getting married." (He was going to congratulate him.) Wylie responded, "No. Maybe later."

When I heard about it, I asked my man, "Aren't we engaged?" He said yes.

Could he just be leading me on? -- FEELS LIKE A FOOL IN TENNESSEE

DEAR FEELS: Watch out for wily Wylie. If he denies to others that your engagement is for real, it isn't. Only a cad would behave that way.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am the third woman in my husband's life. "Don" had two loves before me. Last week, his first love, "Kristin," called him out of the blue and told him she'd had a horrible dream about him. She said she had awakened sobbing, convinced he had been severely injured or was in some kind of trouble. Kristin went on to say that she had looked him up on the Internet after her dream, and lo and behold, she'd discovered that he works only blocks away from her. She asked him to have lunch with her.

My sixth sense is usually excellent -- and it is screaming that this gal is on the prowl. Her third marriage is shaky, and I believe she has my husband in her sights. Don disagrees. He says I should trust him; he hasn't seen her in 40 years and it would be a harmless lunch.

I say he would be starting down a slippery slope.

Don and I have been married 20 very happy years. Even though I trust Don that nothing physical will happen, I'm afraid old feelings will be rekindled.

Am I unreasonable in asking Don not to see this woman? -- SCARED ON THE EAST COAST

DEAR SCARED: There is nothing unreasonable about telling your spouse that the sudden appearance of his first love has made you feel vulnerable. It's honest communication. According to my mail, it is not unusual for old flames to flare up again.

According to professor of psychology Dr. Nancy Kalish -- author of "Lost and Found Lovers: Facts and Fantasies of Rekindled Romances" -- such romances are wonderful for single, divorced and widowed men and women. The success rate for them is high, 72 percent overall.

However, in her original sample of more than 1,000 men and women, more than one-third of the reunions began while at least one of the people was married to someone else. Her ongoing research since the advent of the Internet and reunion Web sites reflects that that percentage has more than doubled. It should be noted that these people were not always "looking for trouble." What began as an innocent contact simply didn't remain that way. Half of those who said they'd had affairs said they'd had happy marriages and would never have cheated with anyone other than the person from the past.

Conclusion: Married men and women should know the risks before contacting an old love.

DEAR ABBY: Six months ago I lost my wife of 18 years to cancer. I now feel ready to test the waters and begin dating. My problem is I don't know where to begin.

I am in my mid-40s, in good physical shape, and financially comfortable. However, my circle of friends is small, and Internet chat rooms and singles bars have no appeal for me.

Have you any suggestions for someone who wants companionship but doesn't know where to look? -- SINGLE IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR SINGLE: The more people that know you are eligible and looking for a serious relationship, the quicker you will meet someone. Start letting people know that you are now ready to begin dating. Make a list of things that interest you -- anything from cultural events, politics, charitable causes, bowling, square dancing, etc. -- and get involved in some of them. All of them provide opportunities to meet new people.

TO MY MUSLIM READERS: Happy Eid al-Fitr.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)