DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband, "Robert," is a police officer. We have two children together. I am now remarried.

When my children visited Robert last weekend, my 8-year-old son, "Danny," got into a fight with his stepsister. They started calling each other names. This happened at Robert's friend's home, and the friend suggested the children drink vinegar as a punishment.

They taunted Danny, asking what color shot glass he wanted his vinegar in. He cried and begged his dad not to make him drink it. He said he wanted to come home to me. Robert screamed at Danny until he drank it.

When I picked my children up on Sunday night, Danny was distraught. He can't seem to get over that incident.

I called my lawyer, who said that it is borderline abuse. He said to tell Robert if it happens again, we will file a petition for supervised visitation.

Robert thinks I'm being unreasonable. He can't believe I would go that far, since he's a police officer and it might hurt his job. I think he should know better because he is a police officer.

I failed to mention that Danny has Tourette syndrome. Stress makes it worse. He is a good boy, and I don't feel he deserved this type of punishment. Am I being unreasonable? -- DISTRAUGHT

DEAR DISTRAUGHT: I don't know what the children called each other that sent your ex off the deep end, but the punishment didn't fit the crime. In light of the fact that Danny has Tourette syndrome, there are better ways to discipline him -- i.e., write 100 times "I will not name-call," or write his stepsister a letter of apology.

Perhaps it is unfair to hold a law enforcement officer to a higher standard, but as an adult he should have known better. He could benefit from talking to Danny's doctor or the Tourette Syndrome Association Inc. (888-486-8738) about reasonable expectations. Or he could visit the Web site: www.tsa-usa.org. However, if it happens again, listen to your lawyer.

DEAR ABBY: My wife has allowed my 19-year-old stepdaughter, "Jana," to move her boyfriend into our home. They are both college students who earn excellent grades and work part-time. Many of their classes are the same and they study together. Jana sleeps upstairs and her boyfriend sleeps downstairs.

I do not agree with this arrangement. I believe it will lead to them living together when they go off to complete their educations. I simply cannot support this, but my wife wants to avoid conflict by allowing it. What do you think? -- CONCERNED STEPDAD IN FLORIDA

DEAR STEPDAD: Since they earn excellent grades, have part-time jobs, sleep on different floors and are focused on completing their educations, I think your concern about what might happen down the road is premature.

DEAR ABBY: I am 17. My girlfriend, "Becky," is 15. Six months ago, we were alone in her house. Becky's father came home earlier than expected and caught us in the act in their bedroom. He called my parents and said we had to get married. I refused. I haven't talked to Becky since.

Abby, was I wrong? Should I have married Becky? -- CONFUSED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONFUSED: Not under those circumstances. Neither of you is old enough or mature enough to take on the responsibilities of marriage.

Perhaps when Becky's father made that call, he was trying to show his daughter that serious responsibilities go along with having sex.

P.S. That you haven't spoken to her since says it all.

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DEAR ABBY: I have a dilemma. I work as a nanny for a single father. My boss has been hitting on me, even though he knows I have a boyfriend. I try to avoid my boss at all costs, which is pretty easy since he works until late at night and I'm usually in bed when he comes home.

But when I can't avoid him, he flirts with me and rubs my shoulders.

I love this job and don't know what to do. How should I handle this? Should I tell my boyfriend what's going on? -- A NANNY IN TEXAS

DEAR NANNY: Rather than tell your boyfriend, first speak to your boss. Tell him that you like your job and love his children, but it makes you uncomfortable when he touches you. Your silence may have given him the false impression that his advances are welcomed.

P.S. I hope he listens to you. Good nannies are hard to find.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 15 and my boyfriend, "Jack," is 16. We've been going out for a year.

Recently, I told him I wanted us to sign a "True Love Waits" card. (It's a card saying that since it's the right thing to do, we're going to wait to have sex until we're married.)

Jack was not thrilled about the idea. He said, "We already said we'd wait, so what's the difference?" I'm afraid he'll break up with me or cheat if I don't keep him interested.

I hope he'll sign the card AND be faithful to me, but I can't be sure. And please don't tell me to dump him. I love Jack. He hasn't done anything wrong yet -- and we promised each other we'd always work out our problems together. -- CHASTE SOPHOMORE IN ARDMORE, OKLA.

DEAR CHASTE: Statistically, as sincere as high school romances may be, they do not usually lead to marriage. Contrary to what some people think, you cannot keep a man interested for long solely because of sex. If there isn't mutual interest and sincere feeling, he'll wander off to make another conquest.

I, too, hope your boyfriend will sign the card and abide by it. But if he doesn't, it's an indication that he doesn't love you as much as you love him. Remember that.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Donald," is working out of state. Last week when I called him on his cell phone, someone picked up and said nothing -- but didn't disconnect. So for the next hour, I listened to my husband in a bar with another woman. I heard laughing, talking and glasses clinking. I heard them leave together to have dinner. Then the battery died.

I am hurt to the core. Donald swears nothing happened, that she was just his ride. I'm trying hard to believe him, but when I question him further, he becomes upset and defensive. His answers -- or lack of them -- have destroyed my heart and soul.

Why can't Donald say the right things to take my hurt away? Why doesn't he understand? Abby, am I wrong to be so upset? -- DISCONNECTED IN DEER PARK

DEAR DISCONNECTED: You are not wrong to be upset. Your husband's refusal to give you an adequate explanation speaks volumes.

Laughing, talking, glasses clinking could be considered a "date," and if they were so loaded he didn't realize he'd left the cell phone on, your marriage is in trouble for more than one reason. Schedule an appointment with a marriage counselor. If your husband refuses to go, go without him, because my intuition tells me you are going to need all the emotional support you can get.

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DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from "Concerned in Northbrook," where the 14-year-old niece was instructed to stay home alone and let the tile man in, I feel compelled to share my story.

My former husband, "Steve," seemed attractive, gentle and polite. While working as an installer for a nationwide security company, he lured a 14-year-old girl into his van and sexually assaulted her. Her parents' determination to shield their daughter enabled Steve to plea-bargain a prison sentence of only eight months. After his release, Steve returned to work as an installer for a satellite TV company and currently works for another security company, installing systems in homes.

Although he is a registered sex offender, no one would ever guess Steve is a pedophile. His parole officer told me that he shouldn't be around children. Can you imagine leaving your 14-year-old daughter home alone to let in my charming former husband? -- ALSO CONCERNED IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR ALSO CONCERNED: Your warning is chilling. Parents, please take note and take nothing for granted. Better to be overly cautious than not cautious enough.

DEAR ABBY: I just turned 13. My best friend, "Heather," moved an hour away, and we have kind of drifted apart. On Saturday, I ran into her at my friend "Tanya's" house here in town. We all went to the mall, and Heather met "Johnny," a 16-year-old guy who goes to my school.

Well, Johnny came back to Tanya's house (her parents weren't home), and he and Heather were all over each other. They were hot and heavy on the couch while Tanya and I tried to watch TV. To make a long story short, Johnny and Heather ended up having sex right there in the same room with us. I couldn't believe what I was seeing -- they hadn't known each other more than a few hours.

The news about Johnny and Heather spread fast. Everyone wants to know if I still consider Heather my friend. Kids are calling her "easy," along with other names I won't mention.

As much as I want to be her friend, I'm worried about getting a bad reputation if I stick up for her. Plus, I'm scared my mom will hear about what went on that day. What should I do? -- STILL CAN'T BELIEVE IT IN A TEXAS TOWN

DEAR STILL CAN'T BELIEVE IT: Tell the truth. Say that you and Heather used to be close friends, but since she moved away you're not close anymore.

P.S. I hope you WILL tell your mother what happened that day. Heather's mother needs to know that her daughter is sexually active, and vulnerable to STDs and pregnancy. It will be doing Heather a tremendous favor, and help her to avoid a lot of trouble in the near future.

DEAR ABBY: I've just had the most dreaded of all shopping trips: the New Bra Expedition. No woman over the age of 12 looks forward to it. I'd rather strip and wax a kitchen floor.

Now brassiere manufacturers have made things worse by placing the strap length adjustment in the BACK of the bra. What were they thinking? Why not move the opening to the back of men's briefs -- it makes just as much sense.

I'd be interested in hearing from other women about this lunacy. Abby, dear, let's start a campaign to return sanity to women's underwear. -- DOUBLE-JOINTED IN DAYTON

DEAR DOUBLE-JOINTED: I'll join you on the bandwagon because I too sometimes wonder whether certain garments have been designed by men without first consulting women.

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