DEAR ABBY: I recently met a lady I'll call Gloria. We have been spending time together and enjoy each other's company.

Last week, she invited me to her home for dinner. While I was eating, she excused herself from the table and returned a few minutes later with her pet cockatiel, "Bogart," on her shoulder. After she sat down, she placed a morsel of food in her hand and lifted it to her shoulder so Bogart could eat.

Next, she put some food in her mouth, and with the bird still on her shoulder, exposed the tip of her tongue (which had another morsel of food on it), and proceeded to let Bogart peck the food off her tongue. Finally, she craned her neck toward the bird as if delivering a passionate kiss, while Bogart inserted his beak between Gloria's lips and withdrew a shred of food.

I enjoy Gloria's company very much, but we are only at the beginning of a relationship. Abby, does being a pet lover have any bearing on what is appropriate at the dinner table? And what are the health implications of intimate contact with one's bird?

I have had pets in the past that I loved. But they never sat at my table, nor did they insert any part of themselves into my mouth to retrieve snacks of any kind. Was what Gloria did acceptable behavior at the table? -- NAUSEATED IN OLDE VIRGINNY

DEAR NAUSEATED: Hardly! However, putting aside her lack of basic table manners, I have a "tidbit" for you: This is a basic hygiene issue -- meaning there are health concerns for both Gloria and her pet. My veterinary expert, Dr. Erwin David, tells me that the oral cavities of both birds and humans are teeming with bacteria. Both Gloria and Bogart could catch something potentially harmful from each other.

You have now had a taste of what life will be like if your relationship progresses. Do not kiss Gloria unless she first gargles with a mouthwash that kills germs on contact.

DEAR ABBY: I lost my virginity about a month ago. My mother and I have always been close, and I have been able to tell her anything. But this time I'm not sure I can. What if I see hurt and disappointment in her eyes when I say it?

My mother got pregnant young, and she has always told me she doesn't want that life for me. So, Abby, do I tell her or not? I hate lying to her and I hate keeping things from her. Please help! -- "DAISY" IN LAS CRUCES, N.M.

DEAR "DAISY": It is important for a number of reasons that you tell your mother. She may be hurt and disappointed, but she will also understand. It is important that you be examined by a doctor and learn how to protect yourself from becoming pregnant or catching a sexually transmitted disease. It is even more important that you learn how not to be pressured into having sex. Your mother can help you with these things because she learned the hard way. So level with her NOW.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My cousin, "Hazel," was recently told by her doctor that she must lose 75 pounds. She tells me that sticking to her diet is almost impossible. Years ago, you printed a prayer for dieters in your column. It was based on the 23rd Psalm. I kept a copy of it for years, but I lost it. Would you please print it again? -- SYMPATHETIC IN TAOS, N.M.

DEAR SYMPATHETIC: I couldn't locate the prayer you requested, but the premise intrigued me -- so I wrote one myself. I hope it inspires your friend. I empathize with her. By the way, she's not alone. I am told that one-third of all Americans are overweight. Read on:

A DIETER'S PRAYER

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want;

He maketh me to lie down on vinyl-covered gym mats.

He leadeth me to flavored calorie-free waters;

He restoreth my goals.

He diverteth me from the path of midnight snacking for my health's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the alley of the Vendors of Pastry, I will fear no weevil; for thou art with me;

My diet and exercises, they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me

Spread with veggies and low-fat protein;

Thou steameth my fish in foil,

My resolve runneth over.

Surely, if I follow this living plan all the days of my life,

My hips will be slim forever.

Amen.

DEAR ABBY: A little over a year ago, after reading your column about a man who had experienced testicular cancer, I was prompted to examine myself. It was something I had never thought about until that day. Not once had I ever considered the possibility that it could actually happen to me.

Sure enough, I found a large lump that sent a cold chill down my spine. My general practitioner didn't think it was anything to be concerned about. But I was still worried, so I made an appointment for a second opinion with a urologist. He had a waiting list a month long, but the morning after I consulted him I found myself in the hospital having my first surgery.

Now, one year later, after two surgeries and six weeks of chemotherapy, I am 99 percent cured and feeling great.

Thank you, Abby, for raising my awareness about this serious disease. I can't stress strongly enough the extreme importance of self-examination and early detection. Your column saved my life. -- GRATEFUL GUY IN MARYLAND

DEAR GRATEFUL: I'm pleased that my column helped you. The American Cancer Society informs me that when testicular cancer is diagnosed early, it is highly curable. Testicular self-examinations are quick and easy, and should be performed once a month. A simple way to do it is while taking a shower. For more information, contact the American Cancer Society by calling the toll-free number (800) 227-2345 or visiting the Web site: www.cancer.org.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I noticed that my 16-year-old daughter wasn't her usual self. So I questioned her one night and asked if there was anything bothering her, or if she was worried about something. She started crying and told me she is gay.

I responded by crying with her and asking her if she was sure. She said she was. I told her she is still my daughter and I love her very much, but that I can't help hoping she's just confused and that as time goes on, she might see that this is not who she really is. I'm trying my best to accept it, but it is difficult at times.

Please help me understand if my feelings are normal. -- CONFUSED PARENT IN TEXAS

DEAR CONFUSED: Your feelings are normal. Most parents have plans and dreams for their children, and your child has turned out differently than you expected. I admire your daughter for her courage and honesty in telling you about her orientation, and I admire you for making it safe for her to do so.

Your next step is to contact PFLAG. I have mentioned this organization many times before in my column. It offers support groups, educational outreach and more to families and friends of gay, lesbian, intersexual and transgendered family members. The Web site is www.pflag.org and the telephone number is (202) 467-8180. Please don't wait to contact them. They will welcome you with open arms.

DEAR ABBY: I am nearly in my 30s and have this little problem. I tend to fall in love really easily. I sometimes can't tell if it's love, lust, or just a strong connection.

I have lost some very good friends because I became insecure and jealous when they showed an interest in other people. They weren't leading me on, they weren't giving me mixed signals -- I just fell for these people.

Last week I was so depressed I didn't eat for four days because of an incident like this. I got jealous because the object of my affections was on a date.

Rationally, I know I need to be there as a friend because most great relationships are built on friendships first. How can I tame my heart and not fall so easily? -- THE FALLEN IN D.C.

DEAR FALLEN: It isn't your heart that needs taming -- it is your insecurity! When people encounter needy, clingy, jealous people, their instinct is to run, not walk, in the opposite direction. Counseling could help you. You must get a grip and learn to like yourself more. Once you do, you'll feel less threatened if someone you like wants to take his (or her) time before making a commitment.

DEAR ABBY: My 67-year-old mother is retired and addicted to the Internet. She e-mails me at least five jokes, poems and "urban legend" articles a day.

It is annoying and time-consuming to wade through such nonsense, and I'd like to ask her to remove me from her mailing list, but I don't want to hurt her feelings. Please tell me what to say. -- PUSSYFOOTING IN NEBRASKA

DEAR PUSSYFOOTING: Since you haven't said otherwise, your mother may think you enjoy what she's been sending. Say: "Mom, I love you. But there's something you must understand. I don't have time to read a lot of e-mail. I'd love to get a personal message from you, but if the deluge doesn't stop, I'll have to delete your e-mails unread."

It's not unkind, and it's the truth.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)