DEAR READERS: In light of recent events, many of you have requested that I reprint something regarding living wills, a subject that has appeared in this column since the early 1970s. Because this subject is both important and timely, I am doing so -- with additional comments. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: No one wakes up in the morning planning to have an accident, a heart attack or some other life-threatening condition. All too often doctors and nurses are faced with a family divided on what they "think" our patient would want (or not want). Combine this with the shock and grief these people are experiencing, and the situation becomes volatile. People should complete a living will before they need one. -- FORMER SURGICAL NURSE, VIRGINIA BEACH, VA.

DEAR FORMER NURSE: Thank you for speaking from the perspective of someone who has been in the trenches and seen firsthand how important it is to make one's wishes clearly understood.

DEAR ABBY: I saw my handsome, 6-foot, 200-pound father waste away to an 88-pound skeleton after fighting a two-year battle with cancer. The doctors told us it was hopeless, yet they kept that poor dear man alive month after month with transfusions, tubes, needles and drugs, while he prayed to God to take him.

Abby, you would do millions of readers a priceless service by acquainting them with the living will. --GRATEFUL IN JOLIET, ILL.

DEAR READERS: By now, the importance of having an advance directive -- or living will -- should be apparent to everyone. Contrary to what many people may believe, this is not just a document for old people. A living will is simply a document that instructs your physician, lawyer, clergyman, family members -- even a few trusted friends -- what your wishes are if there is no hope for your recovery and you are unable to speak for yourself.

I have a living will, and I hope that the people who love me will respect it. Mine states that if there is no hope for my recovery and all hope for life is gone, or I lose my sense of reason, I do not wish to be kept alive by artificial means.

If any of you disagree with this philosophy, you should put your own feelings clearly in writing, too.

For information about advanced directives or living wills, consult your physician, your legal adviser, or visit � HYPERLINK http://www.compassionandchoices.org ��www.compassionandchoices.org�. Click at the bottom of the Web page where it says "Information about advance directives."

Anyone with problems having an advance directive honored should contact the Compassion and Choices support staff toll-free at 1-800-247-7421. This group will advocate for honoring your advance directive, including legal action if necessary. Its services are free, and are supported entirely by donations and memberships.

DEAR ABBY: Please settle a question about wedding etiquette for me. My friend feels it is the guests' responsibility to "seek out" the bride to congratulate her at the reception.

I have been married 12 years, and I remember that one of the important things I had to do was to mingle with the guests and thank them for coming. Has this ritual changed since then? -- SNUBBED IN CINCINNATI

DEAR SNUBBED: No, good manners have not changed. I don't know how large the wedding you attended was, but the bride should have visited each table to have personally thanked her guests. It's the gracious thing to do.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband's brother, "Jake," has been with "Lizzie" on and off for a year. They had a baby a few months ago, just days after I gave birth to my fifth child. Ever since their baby girl was born, Lizzie has called me begging for me to keep little "Stacy" for one reason or another. Since I am a stay-at-home mom with five kids, she thinks one more is no big deal. I have watched Stacy a few times because I feel sorry for her, but enough is enough.

Lizzie leaves Stacy in her bed all day and props a bottle in her mouth every time she cries. Stacy always has a diaper rash, and I have witnessed that Lizzie will leave her in a dirty diaper until someone offers to change her.

Jake has bragged to my husband that while I am watching his kid, Lizzie is at home sleeping. I don't have the energy to take care of a sixth baby that is just a week younger than my own, but I feel awful leaving Stacy to be ignored. How can I get myself out of this mess without feeling guilty for not watching that baby? -- SAD AUNT IN SPRINGFIELD, ILL.

DEAR SAD AUNT: For the baby's sake, call Child Protective Services and report the neglect. Lizzie is clearly unprepared to be a mother, and her little one is suffering for it. If Lizzie is open to it, parenting classes might help her understand what Stacy's needs are and how to meet them. However, if she's not, it would be better for that baby to be placed with a family who wants her and will properly care for her.

DEAR ABBY: I am an 18-year-old senior in high school, and I'm running into a huge problem with my 28-year-old boyfriend, "Hayden." He has a daughter who is 3. She's a great little girl, but the problem is that Hayden still lives with the child's mother.

I really, really like this guy, Abby, but I have had a lot of bad relationships in the past and I don't want to be hurt again. Hayden swears up and down that he lives there only because it is a good thing for his daughter. He says he is not "with" the mother. What do you think about this? I can't afford to get hurt again. -- CONFUSED AND HURT IN MINNESOTA

DEAR CONFUSED AND HURT: If Hayden is living with the mother of his child, he IS "with" the mother. If you doubt the truth of this, just ask her. I can't guarantee that you won't get hurt again, but if you avoid this kind of "challenge" in the future, the odds against being hurt will be more in your favor.

DEAR ABBY: Please tell me how to use "Miss," "Mrs." and "Ms." when addressing a female. I would especially like to know which one is used for a widow. -- CAROL IN ANDERSON, S.C.

DEAR CAROL: "Miss" denotes a young woman who has never married. I use "Miss" when addressing someone under the age of 18. The title "Mrs." -- plus her husband's name (Mrs. John Smith) -- should be used for a married woman or widow. A divorcee may also be addressed as "Mrs."; however, she should use her own name (Mrs. Ellen Smith).

When a female is old enough to enter the work force, she may be addressed as "Ms." Some married women also prefer to be addressed this way.

When a wife becomes a widow, she is properly addressed as Mrs. plus her husband's name (Mrs. John Smith) until she remarries or dies. I hear from countless widows who have been hurt or offended because mail was addressed to them as if they were divorcees.

A final note: When in doubt, ask the person how she would like to be addressed. It's the surest way to avoid hurt feelings.

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DEAR ABBY: I am the stepmother of a preteen girl who has emotional problems. "Leah" treats me, my family and my friends like garbage. She's insulting, disrespectful and very mouthy. She lives with us because we are a stable, loving family, and our community has an excellent school system.

Leah's father and I are trying our best to raise her correctly and show her we love her very much, but it hasn't been easy. We are not the enemy because we expect her to clean her room, do her homework and participate in family life.

I would like to urge divorced parents everywhere to refrain from poisoning their children's minds about their stepparents. Bad-mouthing and brainwashing backfires in the end. Leah is more hurt than we are by her mother's constant negative input.

My husband and I will soon begin counseling with Leah, but I'd like to know if there is a support group for stepparents that we can join. We're trying the best we know how, and it would help to talk to other people in our situation. -- WEARY IN WYOMING

DEAR WEARY: I'm pleased that your family is getting professional help in coping with Leah's emotional problems, and I agree that speaking with others in your situation could be helpful.

The Stepfamily Association of America has chapters and support groups nationwide, as well as professional workshops and conferences for the entire family. Contact it toll-free at (800) 735-0329, or visit the Web site at www.saafamilies.org.

I wish you and your husband the best of luck.

DEAR ABBY: My problem may seem small compared to many of the letters in your column, but I don't know what to do. My problem concerns dentists' offices.

When I was young, dentists had private treatment rooms for patients. Now I cannot find a dentist who doesn't subscribe to the "open floor plan." All examinations, treatments and cleanings take place in plain view of whoever passes by.

I am a very private person, and in addition, I have some teeth that are like the stars. (They come out at night.) I like to maintain the fantasy that my family, friends and neighbors do not know my secret. However, the illusion is difficult to maintain when I sit in plain view with my mouth open, while the "pearly whites" that once appeared to be mine rest on a pedestal, and my next-door neighbor strolls over to say hello. The old saying, "It's a small world," never rings so true as when I'm in the dentist's chair. I shudder to think that my gynecologist could follow in my dentist's footsteps.

The dentist knows how I feel, but he has no private rooms in his office. I could look for another dentist who offers more privacy, but I have been with "Dr. Bill" for 20 years, and I really like him. Any suggestions, Abby? -- OVEREXPOSED IN WASHINGTON

DEAR OVEREXPOSED: You are overdue for a frank talk with Dr. Bill. If you haven't told him how embarrassed you were when your neighbor caught you with your teeth out, you should have. Even if the office can't accommodate a private room, there is no reason why a curtain could not be installed near one of his chairs, as they are near some hospital beds.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: "We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." -- Anais Nin

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)