DEAR ABBY: My dad recently married someone much younger, so my sister and I have a new stepmom. "Tori" has no children of her own. She's nice, but she's trying too hard.

She constantly tries to make "girl talk" about personal things that girls our age talk about with sisters and friends, but not their parents. She also insists on doing things together during our visitations. She takes us clothes shopping and tries to tell us what we should wear.

Tori never knocks before coming into the room where we stay at Dad's, even when she knows we're getting dressed. She says, "We're all girls." She actually spends more time with us than our dad does, but there is such a thing as too much attention.

Tori is now planning an "all girls weekend" for the three of us. Because we'll be sharing one hotel room, there won't be a minute's peace from her. We don't want to hurt her feelings since she's trying so hard -- unlike friends of ours who have the opposite problem with their stepmoms.

How can we discuss boundaries without hurting her feelings? -- TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT, SACRAMENTO, CALIF.

DEAR TOO CLOSE: You're right, your stepmother is trying too hard. Chalk it up to the fact that she's much younger than your father, is new to the role she's playing and is trying to relate to you as an equal.

What concerns me about your letter is the fact that you are spending more time with your father's wife than you are with him. That's not what visitation is for. My advice is to talk to your mother and father about this, privately. And please do it soon, so an intervention with Tori can be managed before she alienates those she's trying so hard to befriend.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 44-year-old single woman who considers herself fairly progressive. I have a rewarding career, great family, terrific friends and I date occasionally. One old-fashioned sticking point that is annoying me more and more: I'm sick to death of men I meet who say, "Call me on Saturday" -- or whenever they want to be contacted. What I tell them is, "Call ME if you want to see me." Then they don't bother to call.

Female friends my age and older say it should be up to the man to call the woman. Younger ones say if I'm interested, I should call the guy. I figure if he doesn't call, he's not really interested.

I currently work at home and can appreciate a hectic schedule. When I'm traveling, things can be wild -- so logically, I expect a man to call me if he's interested because the last thing I'd want to do is to interrupt him during his workday. Who is right? -- STICKLER IN PALATINE, ILL.

DEAR STICKLER: Coming from a generation that was raised to believe that the man should always call the woman, it is not easy to take the initiative and make a call. However, the rules of dating have changed since you were taught those restrictions.

It's time you learned a few new tricks -- and the people who can teach you are your younger friends. Let them give you a lesson or two and try some role-playing. I'm sure you'll have the technique down in no time.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Our son, "Adam," is 24 and lives at home. He had some kind of mental breakdown at school -- no one will tell us what he had -- and he says he's too depressed to work or go back to school.

Adam stays in his room all day watching TV. He's on medication, but I don't think he's taking it regularly. His doctor refuses to talk to us because Adam won't give her permission to do so.

Abby, we don't know what to do. Should we let him stay in his room or make him go to work? How can we make him take his medicine? What if he kills himself? We love our son and want to help him, but we don't know how. -- FRANTIC MOM IN PHILADELPHIA

DEAR FRANTIC MOM: Because you are involved in your son's care, common sense dictates that you be involved in his treatment planning, and you should insist upon it. Make clear that you are not interested in the details of his therapy, only in what the treatment plan is and what you can do to help. If necessary, inform his therapist that you will pay for therapy only if she gives you some basic information.

It is especially important that you know whether or not your son is actually ready to go to work, and that there is an emergency plan in place should he become suicidal. If the doctor understands the extent to which family involvement helps, she will find a way to explain it to your son so that permission will be given.

Clear boundaries should be set on what you will and will not be told. At that time, you, your son and his doctor will need to make a plan together so you are not put in the position of always having to remind him to take his meds.

If the doctor won't talk directly TO you, remember that she is still permitted to LISTEN to whatever information you want to give -- so leave a voicemail. The therapist will share whatever you say with your son, but at least you will be on record with having given the information.

DEAR ABBY: What are your thoughts on a mother of five children, four girls and a son, ages 10 through 18, who is naked when she awakens them for school each morning?

It bothers them, and I am beyond shocked. Surely common decency hasn't changed that much. Don't you think her behavior is bizarre and inappropriate? -- STUNNED GRANDMOTHER IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR GRANDMOTHER: Not everyone feels as strongly as you do about nudity. However, because her relaxed attitude on the subject bothers your grandchildren to the point that they have complained to you, the mother's behavior is inappropriate. Considering the average temperature at this time of year in Pennsylvania, it could also be considered "bizarre."

Because these children are now old enough to get up for school on their own, why not give them each an alarm clock and suggest they start now?

DEAR ABBY: I have three daughters, 2, 16 and 18. My 16-year-old, "Tracy," and I are having an ongoing disagreement. She feels it is my responsibility to make her lunch every day. I feel Tracy is old enough to do it herself, but she insists that all of her friends' mothers do this for their daughters. What do you think of this situation? -- A.B. IN BELMONT, CALIF.

DEAR A.B.: Your daughter may be trying to "guilt" you into doing a chore that she would rather not do, or she may feel emotionally needy. Until recently, Tracy was the baby in your family. Now she is the middle child. It is possible that she feels displaced. You need to talk to her about accepting responsibility and that the willingness to do so is a sign of growth and maturity.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: As promised, today you'll see what some male readers had to say about thongs, as well as the results of my reader poll. Fifty-five percent voted thongs up, 28 percent voted thongs down, and 17 percent gave mixed reviews. And 9 percent of the readers were male ...

DEAR ABBY: Thongs up, girl! I switched to thongs when I turned 14 and have never looked back. A man can't wear tight white jeans with anything else. Love ... DINO IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR ABBY: I'm a guy who wears string thongs under my work uniform and for casual day or evening underwear. I also wear thong swimwear by my pool in the summer, which I suppose makes me ... STRUNG UP THE MIDDLE IN VEGAS

DEAR ABBY: I have never understood why girls would wear something that appears to violate all laws of comfort.

The only way for me to solve this mystery was to try a thong. I purchased two and wore them exclusively for a couple of days. After the initial "getting used to," they were comfortable. In fact, I like them so much I bought a few more this evening. I am also thinking about buying other ladies' underwear.

While this might be perceived as less than masculine, what I saw in the lingerie section looked a lot more comfortable and sexy to me than my old boxers or briefs. Abby, why won't they let us guys wear sexy underwear? -- CONFUSED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR ABBY: I'm voting thongs down. I'm 62 and grew up in the '50s and '60s with three good-looking sisters who always wore pretty ladies' nylon briefs -- all different colors, lace trim, prints, solids, flowers, silk panties. Wow! That was the style back then. All the girls wore them -- Marilyn Monroe, Bettie Page, etc.

In the '70s and '80s girls adopted those ugly bikini panties, and now they're wearing thongs? Abby, please urge them to adopt those pretty panties of the '50s and '60s again. -- JACK IN BROCKTON, MASS.

DEAR ABBY: Wearing thong underwear has nothing to do with comfort. It's about concealing the dreaded pantyline on today's tight fashions. Pulling the waist so high as to expose it is unsightly on most of the bodies I have seen. And yeah, it's like driving past the scene of an accident -- you know you shouldn't, but you just have to look! -- ROBERT IN MOUNTAIN LAKES, N.J.

DEAR ABBY: Thongs up or down? Up, they're uncomfortable -- I twist my neck and strain my eyes -- but I have to say I really love them down. -- TODD IN MILWAUKEE

DEAR ABBY: I have three responses to "San Diego Sinner." One: Wearing a thong does not make one a sinner. Two: If you're wearing one only to avoid being laughed at, you're wearing it for the wrong reason. Three: There are attractive and sexy alternatives to thongs such as bikini underwear and boy shorts. -- MATT IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR ABBY: Thong underwear is as silly a fad as I can remember. Not all males find thong underwear appealing. Artful but suggestive concealment is what makes females appealing to men, not explicitness. -- M.J.H., COLUMBUS, OHIO

DEAR ABBY: With regard to your poll, the whole world now knows Abby doesn't wear a thong. Pity. -- CLIFF IN HALLANDALE, FLA.

DEAR CLIFF: OK, so I'm "a little behind" the times.

P.S. I love your imagination.