DEAR ABBY: I'm a 38-year-old man with no children. For some reason I tend to attract the attention of children wherever I go. Even though I make no attempt to speak to them, they often approach me. I know when children talk to strangers it makes their parents uncomfortable, but I don't want to be rude to the kids.

I was recently eating at an outdoor restaurant when a friendly little girl walked up, sat herself down at my table, and began asking me questions. I was terse but polite. She was soon joined by several other kids, all of whom seated themselves at my table.

Their parents, who had obviously not been paying attention, shouted at them to "get away from that man!" It created an embarrassing scene with the parents telling me I had no business talking to their kids. The other diners looked at me as though I was some kind of pervert.

I don't want to be rude to children, but what can I do to prevent things like this from happening again? -- CRYING "UNCLE" IN TEXAS

DEAR "UNCLE": The parents overreacted. The next time a child approaches and wants to talk, ask the child, "Did your mother/father say it was OK to talk to a stranger?" If the answer is no, then tell the child he/she must first ask a parent for permission.

DEAR ABBY: My 35-year-old daughter, "Rhonda," is intelligent and creative, but her house is a disaster. There are clothes, books, magazines, etc. piled on every surface. Dishes are stacked on her bed; socks and paper litter the floor.

How can she feel good living like this? The place is becoming a health hazard. Rhonda is caring and attractive, but she rarely dates. Could her mess be a symptom of something more serious?

Abby, I'm worried about my daughter's chances for future happiness, but I have no idea how to help her. Or should I? -- WORRIED MOM IN OREGON

DEAR WORRIED MOM: If you're the kind of mother who always picked up after her children, then this is only more of the same. If your daughter's disorderliness is something new, then it might be a symptom of depression or some other emotional problem.

When you say you are concerned about Rhonda's chances for future happiness, do you mean you're worried that she's 35 and still single? Not every woman needs a man to complete her. Have a heart-to-heart talk with your daughter and explain your concerns. You won't find out what's going on in her head until you do.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been involved in an ongoing debate about how to place the pillows on our king-size bed. Should the opening of the pillowcase face the outside of the bed or the inside?

I place my pillows with the opening facing the middle of the bed so the pillow won't show, while my wife does it the other way, and the edge of the pillow can be seen through the opening. Can you please settle this? -- PILLOW TALK IN ABILENE

DEAR PILLOW TALK: Hotels make up the beds with the opening of the pillowcases turned to the middle because the maids usually tuck the edge of the pillowcase inward. A specialist in the bedding department of my local department store says that in most homes, the opening of the pillowcase faces the edge of the bed. But the bottom line is -- there is no right or wrong way!

DEAR ABBY: My 16-year-old son, "Derrick," recently stopped talking to me. Frustrated about not being able to open the lines of communication, I installed a keystroke recorder on our home computer. It enabled me to see what Derrick was writing in his e-mails. I know it was a violation of his privacy, but I was afraid and didn't know who else to ask what was going on.

I learned that Derrick has gotten his girlfriend pregnant. They are discussing various options, and he is thinking about running away from home.

How can I help my son through this, having gained this information in an underhanded way? If I reveal how I learned about this, I will lose his trust forever. But if I don't help him, I don't know what will happen. Please help me. -- SPY DAD IN TEXAS

DEAR SPY DAD: You may not have to tell Derrick how you got the information. You are his father. Sit him down, tell him you love him, that he's the most important thing in this world to you and that you're worried sick because he has become secretive and uncommunicative. Tell him that if he's in any sort of trouble he won't be punished or lectured to and that you will do whatever it takes to help him. And do not let him get up until he has finally told you what is wrong.

DEAR ABBY: Why is President Barack Obama considered to be African-American? Isn't he bi-racial? -- WONDERING IN GOLDSBORO, N.C.

DEAR WONDERING: He is both. The term African-American is used in this country as a label that describes skin color -- although in President Obama's case he is literally African-American because his father was an African from Kenya, and his mother was an American from Kansas. However, the term bi-racial is equally accurate because it describes mixed-race ancestry.

DEAR ABBY: I have been a professional musician for more than 25 years, playing piano in restaurants, lounges, stores, etc. My problem is I have never been able to talk and play at the same time. I must wait until I'm through with a song to talk to a customer.

I know that pianists appear to do this in movies, but those are actors who aren't really doing the playing -- someone else is.

When someone tries to talk to me in the middle of a song, I can either: (a) stop playing and answer the question, making the rest of the audience unhappy, or (b) struggle to answer and end up making mistakes and, perhaps, even losing my job.

I can't be the only pianist with this problem. Do you have any advice for me -- and can you print this so people will be more respectful to musicians? -- WAIT 'TIL IT'S OVER IN OHIO

DEAR WAIT: I have it on good authority, as well as personal experience in piano bars years ago, that many pianists can not only play and talk, but also play and sing. Having made it through a quarter of a century at the keyboard, I doubt you need much advice, but I'll offer this tidbit: Post a discreet sign atop your piano asking listeners to please refrain from making requests while you're playing. You might also consider a small metal tray upon which they can place their "requests."

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DEAR ABBY: Our friends "Andy" and "Corinne" live out of state in Michigan. We visit them about twice a year. Our visits are planned weeks in advance. The last three times, on Saturday night they hosted a "swingers party."

The first time it happened we thought it was a joke, until the guests -- after "tossing back a few" -- started picking partners. We saw them begin to caress one another, then start going into other rooms and outside. One of the attendees came on to my wife. We informed him we're not swingers. His response? He told us it was OK to "watch" the first time or two.

Abby, we're not prudes, but we feel uncomfortable visiting these friends. We now return to our bedroom when the swingers arrive. In contrast, when Andy and Corinne come to visit us in Tennessee, we have dinner, play cards and go to church on Sunday.

We have spoken to them about this. They tell us they "keep their relationship fresh" this way. We don't want to lose them as friends, but we don't know what to do. Can you help? -- SATISFIED WITH EACH OTHER

DEAR SATISFIED: I'll try. Because you like Andy and Corinne every other day of the week when you visit them, schedule an outside activity -- dinner and a movie, a play -- anything that will get you out of their den of iniquity on Saturday night. Either that, or leave for home on Friday.

DEAR ABBY: After 13 years of marriage, my wife has stopped wearing her wedding rings. First she said her fingers had shrunk and her rings kept falling off. Then she claimed that the "golf club had bent them." Now she refuses to wear them out of spite because I told her the rings are a sign of commitment, and I feel she's "advertising" that she's not married.

Am I reading too much into this? In many ways she is still a dutiful wife, but this ring thing is becoming an issue. Any pearls of wisdom? -- FEELING INSECURE IN MIDWAY, GA.

DEAR FEELING INSECURE: Your problem isn't the "ring thing." It's that your wife is lying to you and acting out of spite. It is very important that you quickly get to the root of what's really bothering her because the rings are only a symptom of an underlying problem.

DEAR ABBY: My wife leaves knives lying around our house -- and not just on countertops. She also leaves the dishwasher wide open and then goes to take a shower.

We have a 4-year-old son who is curious about everything. I have tried to no avail to get her to understand that what she's doing is dangerous, but it turns into a fight, or she says I'm scolding her and treating her like a child.

Please help. I don't want anything to happen to our son, and I can't seem to get my wife to pay attention. -- WORRIED SICK, RICHMOND, VA.

DEAR WORRIED SICK: She may be careless, or she may have some kind of disorder. Your wife really should be evaluated to determine what's going on. If she resists the suggestion, please remind her that if her child is hurt by a sharp object left lying around or within his reach, he will probably need to be taken to the emergency room. And the doctors there will be required to report his injury to the authorities -- even if it doesn't kill him or maim him for life.

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