DEAR ABBY: I recently ran into "Grace," who was a dear friend back in elementary school. Back then my parents helped her mother flee and divorce her abusive husband. At age 12 we lost touch because Grace moved to another school and joined a "bad crowd."

Eighteen years later I was happy to see her again, and gave her my phone number. I have the feeling something is a bit "off" about Grace now. She has called me repeatedly and in her messages she sounds nervous and stumbles over her words. When I called her back, she told me she was in a serious car accident nine years ago and hasn't held a job since. The entire conversation was strange, and my gut is telling me Grace has a drug problem.

She has asked me to lunch to "catch up." I'm a stay-at-home mom and not comfortable meeting her in person, especially with my kids. I feel guilty for not wanting to see someone I was so close to when I was young, and for assuming she has a drug problem.

Am I wrong in making this assumption? Should I stop returning her calls and ignore her, or should I see her to make a determination? -- ALL GROWN UP IN VEGAS

DEAR ALL GROWN UP: You are wrong to prejudge the woman. While it's possible Grace has a drug problem, it is also possible that the car accident left her with an injury that has affected her speech. See her without your children and make a determination.

If she is impaired because of injury, would that make a difference in how you feel about her? Your lives have gone in different directions. She appears to be needy. With your responsibilities as a parent, how much time and effort would you be able to devote to her? Only you can answer these questions. But to take the coward's way out and ignore her would be cruel.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 40-year-old single mom who is just getting back into the dating scene after being divorced for a year and a half. There is a guy, "Hank," I'm interested in getting to know better. We both have kids who go to the same high school. We have gone to several out-of-town football games with our kids and have texted each other often.

What's bothering me is Hank has never asked me on a one-on-one date. Should I ask him, or should I wait for him to make the first move? I don't want to appear desperate, but I really would like to get closer. -- STEPPING BACK INTO THE SCENE

DEAR STEPPING BACK: I wish you had given me a little more information about Hank -- such as why he's raising his children alone and for how long, and whether he dates at all. However, I don't think it would be overly aggressive to say (casually) to him, "You know, we never get a chance to talk one-on-one, and I'd like to get to know you better. Why don't we have dinner one night?" It's not an obvious proposition, and if he's at all interested he'll agree.

DEAR READERS: To those of you living where daylight saving time is observed, I offer this gentle reminder: Don't forget to turn your clocks forward one hour at bedtime tonight. Daylight saving time begins at 2 a.m. tomorrow, and you know what that means -- spring is on the way!

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My 3-year-old son is terminally ill. My sister-in-law, "Anita," has a son who is a year old. Anita always wants to compete for attention between the two boys. She makes nasty comments to family members, suggesting that her son is ignored while mine gets all the attention. No one says anything to her because they're afraid of her "blowups."

I don't know how much longer I can live with this. It is hard enough watching my son slip away a little more each day, but having to deal with this has pushed me over the edge. How can I handle a crazy in-law in this situation? -- FALLING APART IN ILLINOIS

DEAR FALLING APART: Please accept my sympathy for the heartache you are experiencing. It's a shame that no one in the family is willing to point out to your volatile sister-in-law that the "annoyance" she's feeling is selfish and insensitive.

However, because no one is, it might be better that Anita be excluded from family gatherings in which she might feel her son is getting short shrift. And you should ask the person who is repeating her complaints to you to please stop sharing them. That should solve your problem.

DEAR ABBY: I am a married man, but not happily. I have been taking the kids on play dates with a neighbor woman who has been kind enough to meet with the children and doesn't seem to care too much that I'm a guy. As you can imagine, most women will not bother to befriend a man they know is married.

She has two kids who are close in age to mine. She is 19 years younger than I am and lives with her boyfriend.

I have fallen in love with her. I know I can't tell her, and I doubt she feels the same toward me. When we part, we do hug each other. It makes me feel fantastic, something I haven't experienced for a long time.

Should I continue getting together with her or should I avoid her? I feel both happy and sad when I see her because I realize she is basically out of reach. -- PERPLEXED IN WISCONSIN

DEAR PERPLEXED: You feel lonely and isolated. It is understandable that you would be drawn to whatever warmth you can get, but this young woman is not the answer to your problem. Call a halt to this relationship so that you can work on your real problem -- which is your unhappy marriage. Once you sort that out, everything else will fall into place. But continuing to see this woman as things are will only perpetuate your pain.

DEAR ABBY: A few months ago I ran into an old friend at the spa. She told me to call her and plan to get together with her. I have called her, but she never seems receptive to actually getting together. She called me once and invited me over to sit by the pool, but that's been the extent of it.

We're both married with children and work part time. I feel as though I'm bothering her when I call since she never makes an effort to return my calls or accept my invitations. However, when we run into each other at events or the spa, she's chatty and friendly.

Should I stop putting out the effort? -- CAN'T FIGURE IT OUT

DEAR CAN'T: Yes. You've taken the first step, and the second. The ball is now in her court. Stop calling and let her make the next move. If she doesn't, she was probably making polite conversation when she suggested you get together.

DEAR ABBY: I'm responding to the letter from "Craving the Cakes in Florida" (Jan. 30), complaining that her sister-in-law wouldn't reveal the secret ingredient in a late relative's pancake recipe. As a cook who has many of my own kitchen secrets, I'd be upset if one of my family members were to reveal them to anyone I didn't authorize. A promise is a promise, and it should never be broken!

Believe it or not, recipes are intellectual property. How presumptuous for "Craving" to expect her in-law to divulge a secret from the family's tradition. She should enjoy the meal when she's at her sister-in-law's, and work on developing her own mystery dish. -- STAYING MUM IN CHARLESTON, S.C.

DEAR STAYING MUM: Many readers agreed with you about the importance of keeping a promise. Some of them also were sure they knew the secret ingredient that made the cakes so memorable: buttermilk, ricotta cheese, nutmeg, vanilla extract, Irish Cream, Kahlua, lemon juice, oatmeal, yogurt, cinnamon, malted milk, cornmeal, sour cream and cardamom. (This is making me hungry!) Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I obtained a recipe upon the death of an aunt who wouldn't share it until she passed away. I did not think she was selfish. I fondly remember her serving these cookies the few times a year we saw her.

I bake them for special occasions -- holidays, birthdays, graduations, etc. -- and mail them to family and friends out of state. The treats are special and everyone looks forward to receiving them. If everyone had the recipe, it would lose its distinction.

When I am no longer able to bake them, I will happily pass the recipe on to a relative to continue the tradition. -- BETH IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR ABBY: I was taught a promise is sacred. Do you really think the in-law should sacrifice her honor over a pancake recipe? They may be delicious, but breaking my word would leave a bitter taste in my mouth. -- PROMISE KEEPER IN VIRGINIA

DEAR ABBY: A friend gave me a cinnamon bun recipe that had been in his family for as long as anyone could remember. About 15 years ago, his house caught fire and he lost most of his possessions, including that recipe. His siblings had misplaced it and the only person to have it was me.

Sometimes it's good to share something, if only with one other person. That way, treasures aren't lost forever. -- LISA IN RENO

DEAR ABBY: Because the relative had shared the recipe with "Craving's" sister-in-law, technically it was no longer a secret. If it was to be kept a secret, then shouldn't the relative have told no one? I feel the in-law is free to share the secret with a clear conscience. I'd like to know what it is, too! -- FOODIE IN TENNESSEE

DEAR ABBY: I think I know the ingredient in the hot cakes recipe. My daughter was co-owner of a small restaurant. Everyone begged for the secret of the waffles there. It was bacon grease in the batter. Not healthy -- but delicious. -- MARGARET IN WHITTIER, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I have been cooking for about 50 years. You can bet your boots the mystery ingredient is beer. That's how my daddy made them. Use it instead of water for really light pancakes. -- PATRICIA IN TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: I'll bet the secret is the same as my family's: substitute half the regular boxed pancake mixture for ordinary white cake mix. Breakfast on our camping trips is always terrific with these fluffy treats. -- PANCAKE PAL IN LONG BEACH

DEAR ABBY: I grew up in a family-owned restaurant. Grandma used club soda instead of water in the pancake batter. The results? Perfection. -- LAURENE IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR ABBY: "Craving" should take a pancake to a retired home economics teacher. They can often discern the most mysterious of ingredients. -- SHARON IN NEBRASKA

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)