DEAR ABBY: I am a 31-year-old wife and mother. My husband, "Jake," works 40-plus hours a week, while I am a stay-at-home mom. My daughter, who is almost 3, keeps me on my toes.

In the evenings and on weekends, Jake does yard work or works in the garden. I hate it because I'm with our daughter all day, every day, and he expects me to watch her while he's outside working.

I dislike yard and garden work and don't like being outside unless I am completely comfortable. I also have health/physical issues that keep me from being as active as I would like. Every weekend I feel my resentment and anger growing over this issue.

Jake says it is necessary for us to have a garden, and I agree. But why must I have all the responsibility of caring for our daughter even on weekends? I'd like it if Jake would stay in with us and give up on some of the outside activities. This is something we argue about at least once a week. What do you suggest? -- SECOND TO A SHRUB IN OREGON

DEAR SECOND TO A SHRUB: While tending to the yard and the garden may be necessary, it is also very important for your husband to devote some time to nurturing his relationship with his daughter. Mention that fact to him, and while you're at it, tell him she should be at least as important to him as the tomato plants and the zinnias. You should not be saddled with all the child care responsibilities 24/7. Marriages are like gardens. If they're not given care and feeding, they will wither as yours appears to be doing.

DEAR ABBY: I'm engaged and being married soon. I have always had very close non-romantic relationships with males. I was raised around guys, so it's natural for me.

People told me that when I fell in love with someone it would be easier to let my male friendships fall by the wayside. This hasn't been the case.

These friendships are the ones I prefer now more than ever. The conversations are better. I find men more emotionally stable than women. They also let me talk without interrupting to give their opinions as women do.

I love my fiance dearly and he has been incredibly understanding about this, but I can tell it upsets him. I have been known to talk all night with friends, especially when I'm overwhelmed. My fiance is hurt that I don't come to him with these issues, but he's in medical school and has his own stress.

Do I need to eliminate these friendships that come so naturally to me for the sake of my husband-to-be? Is it inappropriate for me to have close male friends after I'm married? -- PREFERS MEN

DEAR PREFERS MEN: Why are you presenting the issue as all or nothing? It's not. Nor is it inappropriate for you to keep close male friendships after you marry -- because that has been your lifelong practice.

However, I do think some behavior modification is in order. The first thing you should do is cut out the all-night dump sessions with these men.

For one thing, the man you marry should be your best friend and the person you go to first to express your concerns when you're overwhelmed. This is part of intimacy, and he may be feeling hurt and shut out because you are denying that to him.

For another, he may have concerns of his own that he'd like to discuss with you. Being on the phone all night talking to someone else is really neglectful of the man you love.

DEAR ABBY: I have to respond to your reply to "Tammi's Mom in N.J." (June 21), whose daughter won't answer her texts at college. Our daughter, "Jill," attended college 12 hours from home. She would text me almost every day -- short, sweet messages always ending with "Luv U, XOXO." I looked forward to those texts because they were a lifeline to my daughter.

Tammi's Mom is coping with empty nest syndrome, which no child can understand until she experiences it one day herself. Thankfully, Jill knew how much her texts meant to me. They got me through four long years without her. I hope Tammi sees this and appreciates that she has a mom who isn't smothering her, but who loves and cares about her. -- REMEMBERING IN JOHNSTOWN, PA.

DEAR REMEMBERING: Thank you for sharing. I stressed to Tammi's Mom that her daughter is growing up and trying to establish independence. However, readers were quick to point out that Tammi still owes her mother the courtesy of keeping in touch:

DEAR ABBY: When I was away at college, many students expected their parents to pay their tuition and living expenses, but stay out of their lives. Tammi's Mom said she'd be happy with a call or text every two or three days. I don't think that is unreasonable.

I have lived several hundred miles away from my family for 10 years now. I enjoy a great deal of independence, but I know it worries my parents to have me so far away. I call them every day or two. These quick phone calls (usually only five minutes) help them see that I'm safe and happy, and also allow me to remain emotionally close to my family, even though I'm not geographically close.

Abby, asking for a quick text, which takes only a few moments, is not "helicopter parenting." -- INDEPENDENT GIRL IN ARIZONA

DEAR ABBY: To Tammi's Mom, I say -- it's time to get a life! Do things now that you've always wanted to do. If you're married, find things in common again. Sometimes when we raise our kids, we can become consumed with their wants and needs, and our marriages suffer.

Take up a new hobby and let your baby bird spread her wings. She'll thank you for it and will want to call you when you stop calling or texting every day. If you get yourself busy, you'll spend less time sitting by the phone. -- KNOWS FROM EXPERIENCE

DEAR ABBY: Until recently, I had two children in college -- one close to home, the other several hours away. Unfortunately, there is so much violence everywhere today and kids are vulnerable to it, especially around many colleges and universities.

Kids send hundreds of text messages a day to their friends. I don't think it's too much to ask for an occasional text from your child to make sure he or she is indeed safe. -- BILL IN BLOOMSBURY, N.J.

DEAR ABBY: When my daughter left for college, I told her I was not going to call her because I didn't want to intrude on her new life, but that I would be happy to talk to her anytime she called me. Doing this empowered my somewhat rebellious girl by putting her in charge. As a result, she would call me several times a week and our relationship was strengthened. -- WISE PARENT IN COLORADO

DEAR ABBY: While I was away at college, my dad was like Tammi's Mom, and it drove me nuts. So we compromised. Every Sunday morning at 9, Dad and I would talk on the phone. That way he could catch up on my week and know I was OK. Mom needs to give her daughter space. -- COLLEGE GRAD IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ABBY: If Tammi's Mom is paying for her daughter's phone, the girl should answer when Mom calls. I told my daughter if she ever ignored my calls or texts again, I would have her phone turned off. We chat a lot now. -- DAD WHO PAYS IN GEORGIA

DEAR ABBY: My daughter "Anissa" is 3 and has an older cousin, "Billy," on my fiance's side who is 5. Billy has been caught on several occasions showing his "manhood" to little girls, and we recently found out he took Anissa into a pop-up tent and showed her as well. This was not on my watch, because I don't feel comfortable leaving them alone together.

After I learned about the incident, I was told that Billy had done this with another cousin and told her it was a "secret" and not to tell.

Abby, as far as I know, Billy was spoken to at great length and reprimanded after the first few occurrences, but he continues to do this, it seems, at every opportunity he gets.

Is this normal behavior for boys? I think the parents are burying their heads in the sand. They get defensive when the subject is brought up. Personally, all I can do is keep Anissa within arm's reach when Billy is around. What do you think? -- NOT ON MY WATCH

DEAR NOT: I think that's intelligent. Although children are naturally curious when they learn there's a difference between boys and girls (hence the genesis of playing "doctor"), Billy appears to be overly preoccupied. Because he is telling the girls to keep what he's doing a secret, he knows he is doing something wrong. Repeated naughty actions can be corrected only if there are consequences for them, and it appears a lengthy talking-to and a reprimand haven't gotten through to the child.

DEAR ABBY: I need your assistance resolving an awkward situation. I have noticed other women experiencing "wardrobe malfunctions." In each instance, they were otherwise tastefully dressed but seemingly unaware of the sheerness of their clothing. For example, one was wearing white slacks through which the patterned fabric of her underwear could be seen clearly.

Is there a polite way to alert them of the problem, or is it better to say nothing? Most of these women were strangers, but I couldn't think of tactful wording even when it happened to a friend. -- JUST TRYING TO HELP

DEAR JUST TRYING: If it's a friend, say, "Honey, I can see the pattern of your underwear through your slacks," and it will probably be appreciated. However, if it's a stranger, keep your comment to yourself because it probably won't be.

DEAR ABBY: My late partner and I had matching wedding rings, as we had a civil marriage. Since my partner's death, I have met someone else. We have become a couple and also want to have a civil same-sex marriage.

Do you think it would be wrong to use the same wedding rings I had with my first partner? I'm not sure how I feel about it and need some input. -- ALLEN IN FLORIDA

DEAR ALLEN: Far more important than what I think about it is what your significant other thinks. Personally, I would "retire" the rings from your former marriage and start with new ones because it's a new relationship. While no rule of etiquette says there is anything wrong with using the old ones, this really isn't a question of etiquette.