DEAR ABBY: I need to let off some steam, because the more I think about an incident that happened last summer, the madder I get.

My sister and I take turns (a few days at a time) caring for our 91-year-old mother, who has Alzheimer's and can't be left alone.

My family lives 60 miles from my mother, so before returning to my home for the Fourth of July, I took flowers to the family cemetery, which is close to Mom's house. It's something I do every year, and the tradition holds great meaning for me.

It was late afternoon on Saturday when I took wreaths I had made for each of my grandparents, an uncle, my precious son (who was 5 years old when he died), and my dear late sister who was recently laid to rest.

Each wreath was unique -- I had carefully chosen favorite flowers and colors. Even though the wreaths were artificial, they were pretty, and I felt proud to display them on the graves of my loved ones.

The following evening, my sister called me after she had delivered her flowers to the cemetery. I was shocked to hear the news that my offerings were no longer on the graves -- someone had taken them! (I am positive that the wind hadn't blown them away because I was careful to secure them in the ground.)

I have heard stories about people stealing floral displays from graves to put on other graves -- even selling them at yard sales. However, I have come up with a solution: The next time I take a wreath to the cemetery, I'll put on my rubber gloves and add poison ivy to the greenery. -- ITCHING TO GET EVEN IN CINCINNATI

DEAR ITCHING: I don't blame you for being angry, and your solution is both clever and diabolical. However, as much as you would like to get even with the wreath thief, please don't do anything rash. An innocent person -- like a groundskeeper -- might pick up the wreath and suffer the consequences.

DEAR ABBY: I recently attended a beautiful, fairy-tale wedding. When it came time for the bride and groom to cut the cake, the groom fed his bride a bite and then smashed the rest all over her face. It went all over her dress and destroyed her makeup. I'm sure she was angry and humiliated.

I have been to lots of weddings over the years and have seen this happen over and over. I'm not old, Abby, I'm only 35 -- so no one can say I'm a crotchety old woman.

My point is, this man had just promised to love, cherish, honor and endow his bride with all his worldly goods. Then he negated his vow with a blatant disregard for her self-respect in front of family and friends. I'm all for food and fun, in its place. However, I don't feel a day that has been planned and prepared for months -- and sometimes years, wads of money spent for a dress, veil, makeup, etc. -- deserves to be defiled.

I have also seen grooms treated this way by brides. It is just wrong! -- OFFENDED IN GRAND PRAIRIE, TEXAS

DEAR OFFENDED: I agree. Not only is it wrong, but it is also an indication of the perpetrator's level of immaturity.

DEAR ABBY: A year ago I remarried and gained three great stepkids. I'm worried about the oldest, who is a senior (18). She doesn't care about school anymore. She's smart enough. When she tries, she gets A's. But when she doesn't want to do the work, she gets F's. There is no in-between. She's capable, but lazy.

Her youngest sister (12) is doing the same thing now, too. Neither one is using drugs or alcohol or skipping school. They are fundamentally good kids. I recognize that it's laziness because I did the same thing 30 years ago. What turned me around was the U.S. Navy. I literally grew up on an aircraft carrier.

Abby, until now I had only sons. I understand boys and men. Having daughters now is a very steep learning curve. I need suggestions on how to help their mom parent them through this rough period. I love our children deeply and want to be the kind of stepdad God wants me to be for them. -- CLUELESS STEPDAD

DEAR CLUELESS: For a man who signed himself clueless, you have clear insight. You and your wife should schedule an appointment with the oldest girl's school counselor and find out to what degree her grade point average has been affected by her "laziness."

Then ask your stepdaughter what she plans to do after high school. Does she plan to go straight into a minimum-wage job -- if she can find one -- with little chance of advancement? Trade school? College? If she wants to further her education, she needs to understand that schools pay attention to applicants' high school records. At 18, she should be treated like the young adult she is, and you and her mother deserve some answers.

The 12-year-old is another story. Find out from her teachers whether she has fallen behind in any of her classes and see that she gets tutoring if she needs to catch up. Make sure she completes her homework assignments. You and her mother should impress upon her that you expect the best she's capable of, and for good grades there will be rewards just as for poor grades there will be consequences, such as reduced privileges. Then practice what you preach.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are retired. He has a small farm, which isn't profitable, so he calls it his "hobby" farm.

When we retired, we agreed to have our main meal at noon every day. I work hard to have a nutritious meal on the table promptly at 12 noon. My husband knows this, but he comes in from working whenever he's ready -- sometimes hours late.

He always has an excuse. He has a cellphone and could call to let me know he's going to be late, but he rarely does. When he finally gets in, the food is cold and I am upset.

He thinks I'm "unreasonable" to expect him to be on time or call. He has never cooked a meal in his life, so he has no idea what is involved. I'm fed up with his behavior and need some suggestions on how to handle this. -- BOILING MAD IN ALABAMA

DEAR BOILING MAD: Perhaps agreeing to have your main meal together at noon was unrealistic. Talk calmly to your husband and ask if it would be more practical to schedule it for 1 p.m. or 2 p.m. That he wouldn't call to let you know he's running late does seem inconsiderate, and if the problem persists, it might be better for both of you if his "main meal" consists of a sandwich he makes for himself whenever he finally returns home.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of one year has told me he needs to focus on getting his life together -- getting a better job, concentrating on his career and finding himself. At this point in his life, he knows he can't provide for me and give me what I want, which is to settle down in a few years.

He said he is unsure when he will have his life together and he doesn't want me to wait for him. He feels he needs to be "selfish" now and focus only on himself. We have talked about breaking up, and while he has faith that we will be together again, I can't bring myself to end things with this amazing man. -- AFRAID TO LET GO

DEAR AFRAID: When a man says he wants to focus only on himself and he doesn't want you to wait for him, what he is really saying is, "It's over." While the prospect of moving on after having invested a year in the relationship may be anxiety-provoking, at this point, you really have no choice. And don't expect to "be together again" anytime soon because his road to self-discovery could take a long, long time if it happens at all. Please accept my sympathy for your heartache.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old boy. My dad and I have a disagreement. I have been throwing away the lunches my mom packs for school because I don't like them and buying school lunches. I realize this was ungrateful and dishonest, and I regret doing it.

As a punishment, Dad won't let me go to one of my best friends' birthday party. I'm fine with being punished, but I think this punishment is unfair to my friend because he doesn't get to have me at his party. Instead, I think it would be better to be grounded or made to do extra chores. Who's right? -- NORMAL TEEN IN ORINDA, CALIF.

DEAR TEEN: You are a born negotiator. Instead of taking your punishment, you're trying for a plea bargain. I wouldn't be surprised if in the future you become a successful lawyer.

However, regarding your question -- I'm not getting in the middle of this one. And I'm pretty sure that this is a punishment you won't soon forget. Bon appetit!

DEAR ABBY: My aunt has been diagnosed with a progressive form of dementia and has had to be permanently hospitalized. She is no longer able to perform basic life functions and also has violent outbursts. Her prognosis is not good, and she'll likely die within a year.

I'm engaged and getting ready to send out invitations to my wedding. However, I'm unsure how to address the invitation to my uncle.

My aunt will almost certainly be alive at the time of my wedding, but there is no possible way she can attend. It seems wrong to ignore her existence and address the invitation only to "Mr. John Smith." But it feels equally wrong to address it to "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith," knowing she cannot attend. Your advice would be greatly appreciated. -- POLITE BRIDE-TO-BE IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR POLITE BRIDE-TO-BE: Address the invitation to both your aunt and uncle, but when you do, include a sweet note saying you understand that she won't be able to attend, but hope that he will be able to join you on your special day. I'm sure it will be appreciated.