DEAR ABBY: I am a 58-year-old woman who would like your take on a problem I have with several married female friends and my married sister. During the many years I have been close to these couples, the women seem unable to have one-on-one conversations, outings or a lunch date with me without including their husbands.

Several times after making a lunch date, one friend, unbeknownst to me, has called her husband and invited him as well. Another friend's husband never seems to allow her to talk to me alone, and will even be on speaker or another phone listening -- again, unbeknownst to me until he suddenly says something.

My sister will not read her emails from me, but instead has her husband read them aloud to her while she's doing something else and then dictates a few words to reply to me with. Consequently, I stopped emailing her and told her why.

There is nothing I would say to these ladies that I wouldn't want their husbands to hear, but can you tell me why certain women feel a need to include their spouses in their female relationships in this manner? At the very least, I feel it is extremely rude. -- FRUSTRATED WITH MY BFFs

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Your friends may assume that you like their husbands' company as much as they do. They may feel that because they tell their spouses "everything," their menfolk might as well hear what you have to say directly from you. Or their husbands may be retired or semi-retired and have no social lives of their own. Of course, the way to get a direct answer to your question would be to ask them why they do this, and because you feel it is rude, you should tell them.

As to your sister, she may be too busy with household chores to read your emails and reply to them, which is why she has her husband read them to her, or you may have sent more than she can handle. Not sending her any more emails is not the solution; telling her how you feel might be.

DEAR ABBY: Last year a neighbor confided to me that she had been sexually assaulted. In an effort to both show and invite compassion, I told her I empathized with her because I had been assaulted on multiple occasions as a child and teen decades ago.

I have now learned that this woman has told other neighbors that I "had sex with a lot of men," but she failed to put it in the context that I was a child victim of multiple predators.

How should I respond to this? Should I ignore the situation or explain the truth to the neighbors? I don't know whether or not to confront the woman who divulged the information. I am shocked that she'd do such a thing.

I have no shame or guilt issues over what happened to me because I worked through that long ago. But I'm at a loss about what, if anything, I should do. I have already learned the painful lesson that she wasn't worthy of my trust and has serious issues of her own.

What are your thoughts on this matter? -- RE-VICTIMIZED

DEAR RE-VICTIMIZED: You have every right to be angry with the blabbermouth. Because the word is out, set the record straight with the neighbors who were kind enough to tell you your confidence wasn't respected. And in the future, I wouldn't blame you if you avoided the woman who started the rumors whenever possible, and let her know why.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 13-year-old girl and I had a big argument with my mom. It's about her drinking. I have tried to get her to stop because most of the money she makes goes straight to her alcohol, but instead of talking it out, she starts yelling. She says it's her life and we can't tell her what to do with her money.

I have five younger sisters and brothers, and I try to come up with the money myself from baby-sitting. I feel as if my younger siblings are my children. I am so fed up with my mother's behavior. Should I keep talking to her about it or leave it be? -- CAN'T DO IT ALL ON GUAM

DEAR CAN'T DO IT ALL: As long as your mother continues to deny that she has a drinking problem, there is nothing you can do to help her without further putting her on the defensive. But you may be able to find support from Alateen.

Alateen is a group for teens that was established specially for young people who are affected by the drinking problem of someone close to them. You would also be welcome at a weekly Al-Anon meeting in Chalan Pago. For more information on Al-Anon and Alateen, visit www.al-anon.alateen.org, email wso@al-anon.org or call 888-4AL-ANON.

At your tender age, you should not have to assume financial responsibility for your younger siblings. You should discuss this with your clergyperson, a teacher at school or another trusted adult because they may be able to get you some help from a social services organization.

DEAR ABBY: A relative of mine has a 5-year-old son who is at least 20 or 30 pounds overweight. Everyone in the family is concerned about it, but no one knows how to bring it up to the parents without offending them. We don't understand how the parents or grandparents don't see his weight as an issue.

Bullying is a huge deal among children, and we fear he might have trouble with other kids his age teasing him. However, we are more worried about his health than anything. Being that overweight is a lot for anyone, but especially a young child. What should we do? -- SOMEONE WHO CARES IN CHICAGO

DEAR SOMEONE WHO CARES: How do you know the child's parents and grandparents don't see his weight as an issue? A way to raise the subject would be to mention your concern and ask what the boy's pediatrician has had to say about it. While years ago doctors may have been reluctant to raise the issue, today they are much less so because the American Medical Association has declared obesity to be a disease.

Also, as a relative, try to include the boy in physical activity you engage in.

DEAR ABBY: My 2-year-old granddaughter, Brayleigh, is friendly and outgoing. If you see us in the grocery store, she will probably smile at you and say, "Hi." She would love it if you smiled back and said it too, but please, resist the urge to touch her.

Your kids or grandkids may giggle when you play "got your nose" or "tickle your belly" with them, but that's because they know and trust you. You are a total stranger to Brayleigh, even if you know me. While you may mean well, imagine a total stranger rushing up and putting their hands all over you! Abby, how about passing along the message? -- BRAYLEIGH'S GRANDMA

DEAR GRANDMA: I'm glad to help. No one should touch a child without first asking permission from the adult who is accompanying the little boy or girl. Not only could the child be frightened by it, but the parent could misunderstand and it could lead to an altercation.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old transgender woman who has just started her journey. Feeling more comfortable in my skin, I have been going to some local hangouts with some friends from work and meeting straight men. My question is, when is it appropriate to disclose that I am a preoperative trans woman?

I have tried online dating on trans-friendly websites, as well as visited the local transgender bar, but those men tend only to be looking for sex, and I am looking for more than that. I would love your advice on the matter. -- STARTING MY JOURNEY

DEAR STARTING: For your safety, it is important that you disclose your status early, before there is any sex involved. If you don't, the straight man could react violently and possibly put you in danger.

At this point, it would be a good idea to contact PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) because it can put you in touch with resources to help you through your journey. The largest increase in new individuals reaching out to PFLAG is now among people with "trans" issues -- and this includes both trans individuals and their family members.

It is critically important to seek out a culturally competent therapist to help you with specific issues. To find referrals and a local chapter, visit pflag.org.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is in Afghanistan for a year. When he returns, I want to ask him to get tested for STDs before we have sex. I do not have any specific reason to think he would be having sex with someone while deployed, but let's face it. He's a man, and a year is a long time to abstain when there are females present. I have seen text messages from his buddies that read, "What happens on deployment stays on deployment," regarding them cheating on their spouses.

How do I approach the subject in the most effective way? I know that when I do, he will be mad, but it's not the first time that STDs have been a problem in our relationship. Help! -- THINKING OF MY HEALTH

DEAR THINKING OF YOUR HEALTH: One would think that a man who loves his wife would want to be absolutely positive that he wouldn't give her a sexually transmitted infection. However, because your husband has given you one before, it is perfectly logical that you tell him it is the reason you want him to be tested before resuming your marital relationship.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a single 32-year-old who lives across the country from my family. I have two sets of grandparents who both send me birthday and holiday cards containing checks.

The problem is, I earn close to six figures, which is far more than my grandparents' income in retirement, and I have only myself to support. I typically shred their checks when I receive them.

Should I continue to do this, or should I tell them that as much as I appreciate the sentiment, a simple card would be fine? -- SECRETLY SHREDDING IN SEATTLE

DEAR S.S. IN S.: When a check isn't cashed, it is obvious to the check writer, and it can cause problems in balancing the person's checkbook. I think your solution to tell them you no longer need the checks is a good one.