DEAR ABBY: I was picked on and bullied as a child. I was very insecure and dealt with low self-esteem. Through counseling I was able to overcome these issues to become a successful wife and mother. My question is, how do I prevent this from happening to my children without being an overprotective "bear" of a mom? -- MAMA BEAR IN NEW YORK

DEAR MAMA BEAR: Children with high self-esteem are less likely to be the targets of bullies. More often it's the child whose self-esteem is fragile to begin with who becomes the victim.

Children learn self-esteem from the way their parents treat them. Tell your children you love them, talk to them, read to them, listen to them and give them your undivided attention. And when they do something right, praise them.

If you teach your children respect for others and how to be independent, they will be less likely to be bullied. When they are old enough to have unsupervised access to their cellphones and online activities, you should also monitor them for any indication that they are being harassed or harassing another child.

DEAR ABBY: I invited my sister "Alina" and her husband from out of town for Thanksgiving because they had no plans. I then extended an invitation to my other sister, "Marilyn," and her husband if they had no plans. Marilyn told me later that her daughter, son-in-law and two grandchildren will be coming in from out of town, so I assumed they'd be celebrating Thanksgiving at her house.

When Marilyn asked me if they were included I said no, that the invitation was for her and her husband if they had no plans. Now she is furious with me and won't talk to me. I already have my children coming over and that will be 10 guests, which is as many as I can accommodate. Who is right here? -- THANKSGIVING HOSTESS

DEAR HOSTESS: You are. Your sister should not have assumed that because you invited her and her husband for Thanksgiving that you were automatically obligated to entertain the rest of her family. It is your right to control your guest list, not hers.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I had a beautiful wedding and were blessed with the presence of many family members and friends. I am embarrassed to admit that we unfortunately did not send out thank-you cards to our guests.

Three years have passed, and we still feel guilty for not expressing our genuine gratitude. We are expecting our first child in a few months -- another milestone we hope to share with our loved ones. Would it be OK to take this as an opportunity to finally thank them and share the news of our family? -- MOM-TO-BE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR MOM-TO-BE: It would be in better taste to deliver these messages separately -- first, your belated thank-you for your wedding gifts, and then, in a month or so when they have recovered from the shock, the news of your pregnancy and perhaps an invitation to your baby shower, which should be sent by whoever will be hosting it.

DEAR ABBY: My husband gave me a lovely necklace for my birthday. The problem is it's made of stainless steel and I'm allergic to it. He did this before, and that time I asked him to return it. However, he never got around to it and eventually it went to charity.

What do I do this time? Tell him and risk hurting his feelings? Or shove it in a drawer forever? -- THANKS, BUT ... IN AUSTRIA

DEAR THANKS, BUT ...: Say something like this to your husband: "Honey, the necklace is beautiful. You have wonderful taste. But remember? I'm allergic to stainless steel. Why don't we return it together and pick out something I'll be able to wear? Would Saturday be OK?"

DEAR ABBY: Recently I took a cue from my sister and her career Navy husband. They always make it a point to thank anyone they see in military uniform for his/her service and sacrifice.

I am somewhat shy by nature. But I am so thankful to these men and women who fight for our continued freedom that I stepped out of my comfort zone to verbalize my feelings and encourage those who cross my path.

Abby, the first and second thank-yous I offered did not go well. The first gentleman I spoke to gave me a scornful look and proceeded to tell me I should be thankful for all military personnel -- not just him -- and especially those who gave the ultimate sacrifice of their lives.

I felt 3 inches tall and very embarrassed, but I chalked it up to perhaps having said thanks the wrong way, so I tried again. This time I thanked a World War II veteran. I recognized him as a vet by the emblem on the bill of the cap he was wearing. His response was, "Didn't have a choice -- it was the draft or jail."

Maybe I'm not cut out for verbalizing my thankfulness, or maybe I'm doing it wrong. Now my shyness has taken over again. Should I silently offer a prayer of thanks instead? -- TWICE BITTEN IN WASHINGTON

DEAR TWICE BITTEN: The first person you spoke to may have lost some friends recently, which is why he spoke to you the way he did. Your response to the service member's statement should have been: "Of course you are right. And I am grateful. But you are here, which is why I'm expressing my thanks to you." Period.

As to the WWII vet who entered the service one jump ahead of the law -- give him marks for honesty in admitting his reason for entering the military was less than patriotic. But please don't stop offering thanks. What you experienced was some bad beginner's luck, but each time you express your gratitude, the odds will improve.

DEAR ABBY: A little over a year ago, my husband and I were pulled over after a day on our boat. We had been drinking. My husband was charged with a DUI, went through everything that was required and decided to stop drinking. I am very proud of him. Going to AA meetings has kept him strong, and he has become a better person.

I, on the other hand, like to relax with a beer once in a while, but if I do, I feel guilty. My husband says it's OK, but I feel it might tempt him.

Am I doomed not to be able to drink anymore to support his sobriety, or can I have a beer once in a while and hope he has learned to cope? Is having an occasional beer selfish? -- NEEDS A DRINK IN NEW YORK

DEAR NEEDS A DRINK: When someone describes not imbibing alcohol as being "doomed" and signs off as "needs a drink," I suspect that the individual may be alcohol-dependent to some degree. If there is any chance that your sober husband might crave alcohol if he sees you having a beer, then do it when you're not in his presence. I call that being considerate and "sacrificing" for the greater good.

DEAR ABBY: What do you do when your daughter chooses to raise her kids entirely differently than she was raised, and when she comes for a visit, there's no regard or respect for your stuff? -- UP IN ARMS IN FLORIDA

DEAR UP IN ARMS: You childproof your home, or make sure to see your grandchildren only at their home.

DEAR ABBY: I recently found out that after 13 years of marriage, my son and daughter-in-law are expecting a child; my first grandchild! I was overjoyed at the news. They live about 1,000 miles away from me.

I mentioned to my son that I have been looking at flights and want to come out a week before her due date so I'll be there for the big moment, and stay three to four weeks to help with the baby. I was shocked when he told me they don't want me to visit until at least three weeks after the birth, and stay for one week max.

He said my daughter-in-law will need time to heal, and they both need time to adjust to being parents before they have guests. I am not a "guest." I am the grandmother! I was also told not to expect to take care of the baby because it is "their" job.

It hurts so bad not to be wanted to share in the joy of the new baby. I have always dreamed of watching my grandchild take his or her first breath, and see the look on my son's face when he holds his child for the first time.

Is there anything I can do to change their minds and allow me to be there for my son at this important moment? Do you agree that they are being unreasonable and cruel? -- FAMILY FIRST IN FLORIDA

DEAR FAMILY FIRST: I'm sure you are a loving mother, but I don't agree, and I doubt you can change their minds.

If it is going to take three weeks for your daughter-in-law to heal, it appears the baby's birth will be by C-section, and she will need time to regain her strength. The new parents will also need time to adjust to the baby's sleep and feeding schedules. They will be sleep-deprived, and she will be nursing every few hours and not up for company.

While you have always dreamed of being present at your grandchild's birth, the reality is your son and daughter-in-law would prefer this intimate moment be shared by them alone. I'm sorry you are hurt, truly. Let them know you are willing to help them in any way you can on their terms, and take your cues from them. Do not take any of this personally.

DEAR ABBY: My grandmother died recently after a long life. A cousin decided that all of the grandchildren should chip in for an expensive floral arrangement. I reluctantly participated after my wife said it would be "cheap" of me to refuse.

I had a closer relationship with Grandma than most of my cousins did, but I felt it was an odd request. I have always understood that flowers were sent to the grieving family. In this instance, we were the family. It felt like we were sending condolences to ourselves. Am I wrong, or was I just being cheap, as my wife suggested? -- MOURNING IN NEVADA

DEAR MOURNING: Please accept my sympathy for your loss. Your assumption that families do not provide flowers at a loved one's funeral was incorrect. It is very common for family members to arrange for a floral display or spray of flowers for a deceased relative's casket. At a sad time like this, it is never wrong to err on the side of being generous, and I'm glad that is what you did.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in fifth grade, and I have noticed that teachers pick favorites. I'd like to know if or how I could be one. -- NERVOUS STUDENT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NERVOUS STUDENT: Teachers have favorites for various reasons. Sometimes it happens because they see something in a child that reminds them of how they were at that age. With others it's because the student shows an interest in the subjects being taught, isn't disruptive and always tries his or her best. And that is what I recommend you do.