DEAR ABBY: My wife of 37 years has an exciting career she loves. Unfortunately, her job is 80 miles away from home. We own a condo in her work city. So recently, when she was complaining about the commute, I suggested she stay there for a week, then telecommute from home for a week, etc. She loves the new schedule.

I, on the other hand, am kicking myself! I have recently started working again at 62, and I'm lonely. It's depressing to come home to an empty house every other week, but I'm the one who suggested it. Her job could last another two to five years.

We have five grandchildren who live close by, so moving to her location isn't an option. What do I do about this? -- MISSING HER IN FLORIDA

DEAR MISSING HER: You tell your wife that although you suggested she stay in the condo for a week at a time, it isn't working for you, and you're miserable without her. Or, you accept that a 160-mile daily commute may have become too much for her and fill your lonely hours by getting a hobby and baby-sitting some of those grandchildren whose parents might like some adult time together. But the one thing you shouldn't do is sit and silently brood because it isn't healthy.

DEAR ABBY: My niece had a bridal shower last March. When thank-you notes didn't arrive for the gifts she had been given, she said they were "lost in the mail" and she would thank everyone in her wedding thank-yous. Abby, she was married last May and she hasn't sent out thank-you notes for her wedding gifts, either.

The gifts my parents and I gave her were expensive, and I am upset about it. By the way, she wasn't too busy to write them because she doesn't work. Should I confront her or let it go? -- DISGUSTED IN MIDDLEBURG HEIGHTS, OHIO

DEAR DISGUSTED: Your sibling did a poor job of raising her daughter. If your niece didn't know that thank-you notes were supposed to have been sent for her shower gifts, she wouldn't have lied about them having been lost in the mail.

However, I see nothing to be gained by confronting her. If you do, it will cause your sibling to become defensive. Better to make note of it and respond accordingly when the baby shower invitations start coming in because that's what is sure to come next.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 19 and recently engaged. My parents refuse to acknowledge my ring or discuss my wedding plans. I have brought up the idea of moving to where my fiance is, but they think it's a horrible idea because they'll miss me. My grandfather has been trying to guilt-trip me into staying by saying things like, "We would miss you. But you don't care about that or us at all!"

It's not true, Abby. How do I keep my family informed about my wedding plans and move within the next three months without them feeling hurt? -- DETERMINED IN TEXAS

DEAR DETERMINED: Tell your parents and grandparents that you love them, but you're an adult and need to go where your fiance is. Tell them you and your fiance would love to have them present when you take your vows, and hope they will be emotionally supportive. Be sure to calmly explain that your decision has nothing to do with not caring about them; it's about building a future with the man you love. They may miss you, but in time they'll adjust.

DEAR ABBY: I met a guy I think is perfect for me on a dating website. We have gone on several dates and they have been great. He respects my morals and even has some of his own, which isn't easy to find.

The problem: He says I am exactly what he has been looking for except for one thing. I look like his mother. He says he really likes me and would like to keep dating to see if he can get past this issue. I like him very much. Is there something I can do, short of plastic surgery? -- DEAD RINGER IN ARIZONA

DEAR DEAD RINGER: Before changing anything, you need to explore more closely what he's saying. Ask to meet his mother, then judge for yourself how strong the resemblance is. It's possible the similarity is less physical and more about your personality or mannerisms.

You should not alter your image to please anyone but yourself. Keep in mind that many men do marry women who resemble their mothers in some way -- whether it's conscious or not -- and the marriages are often successful.

DEAR ABBY: My parents divorced many years ago, and ever since, I have lived with my mother and visit Dad on his days off from work. Mom cheated on Dad, and the man she cheated with lives with us.

I don't have a good relationship with her boyfriend. We don't have much in common, and when he drinks, he gets angry for no reason and takes it out on me or Mom, and it puts the whole household in an awkward position, sometimes lasting for days. When he's sober, he can be fun to be around.

I have talked with my mom about this. She promises she'll talk to him and things are going to change, but they never do. She doesn't want to break up with him because she can't afford to pay the mortgage on her own. I have thought about moving in with my dad, but I don't want to upset her. What do I do? -- WANTS TO MOVE IN WITH DAD

DEAR WANTS: Your mother hasn't asserted herself with her boyfriend because she's financially dependent on him. She's afraid if she insists he do something about his drinking, he will leave her.

The affair and the boyfriend were her choice, not yours. If you want to move in with your father to avoid being around a verbally abusive drunk -- and your father is willing -- that's what you should do. You should not have to tolerate abuse in order not to "upset" your mother. It's OK to take care of yourself.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 32-year-old woman. My boyfriend of 11 years passed away almost three years ago. I loved him very much and miss him every day. Some well-meaning friends and family members have suggested a dating site.

Abby, when does someone know if it's time to move on? I haven't been on a date in 13 years. I'm scared of putting myself out there again and getting hurt. Any advice would be great. -- SCARED IN OREGON

DEAR SCARED: If the only reason you haven't reached out before is fear of rejection, then it's time to move on. Ask your friends and family to help you write a profile, and then consider what happens next as an "adventure."

While there are no guarantees you'll immediately find a relationship like the one you had, you might find someone who is compatible. And if you don't, you could still make some friends. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 27-year-old mom who has always been overweight. I have tried all sorts of diets and programs, and have lost a few pounds and then gained it all back and more.

My boss has offered to pay for me to have weight loss surgery. It is something I have always wanted, but could never afford. My boss told me she knows the struggle I have had and the frustration I have experienced.

My family is behind me and supports my decision to have it done. My concern is that once others in my office learn it was paid for by the boss, I'll be treated differently. I'm concerned about possible catty comments. They are gossips, and I hate being the center of attention in situations like that. The truth is bound to come out, so how can I comment on the gift I've been given? -- SO GRATEFUL IN TEXAS

DEAR SO GRATEFUL: You have a generous and empathetic boss who obviously cares about you. Unless one of you reveals that she paid for your surgery, "the truth" is not bound to come out. How your operation is paid for is nobody's business.

DEAR ABBY: My father recently told me his girlfriend is pregnant with twins. She is in her 40s and he is in his 50s. She already has two kids who are quite a handful. They both have low-paying jobs and I don't think they can handle two more children.

My father now is asking me to move in with him to help out. Because of their financial state and their ages, I'm afraid this is a huge risk. If I tell him what my concerns are, I am sure he'll think I'm heartless and stop talking to me. I don't know what to do. Dad might not even be around to see those kids graduate from high school. What can I do? -- TROUBLED SON IN COLORADO

DEAR TROUBLED SON: Unless you're willing to give up your freedom I don't recommend doing what your father is proposing. He should not expect you to assume child care or financial responsibility because his birth control method failed. That privilege rightfully belongs to him and his girlfriend. Tell your father you sympathize with his dilemma, but the answer is no.

DEAR ABBY: I read your column on the nights that I work, and I was wondering if you have had days when you just wanted to tell someone who has written to you to "suck it up and deal with it." I am generally a nice person and would help the most helpless cases as best I could, but I know that I have days when I have been snarky. I was wondering how you deal with those days. -- FEELING SNARKY TONIGHT IN VERMONT

DEAR FEELING SNARKY: I write my column from an office away from my home. Because of that, it's easier to leave distractions (or "problems") on the other side of the door when I enter. I'm here to help people, not to make anyone feel worse. If for some reason I felt I was unable to do that, I would either go for a long walk or postpone writing for another day.