DEAR ABBY: I am 19 and recently decided to move to Denver to live with my high school sweetheart, "Logan." His sister "Emily" had been living with him for about a month before I moved in, and I expressed concerns about that. Logan assured me she'd be moving out soon and he didn't want to lose any time with me.

Since day one Emily and I have butted heads. She's a bartender who works three nights a week. She sleeps all day and doesn't help with bills or with cleanup. She also wastes money on her "habits." She has been mean to me, said spiteful things and caused problems between Logan and me.

I love Logan, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I'm at a loss as to what to do about his sister. We have talked about it many times, but things are only getting worse. Please help. -- CROWDED IN COLORADO

DEAR CROWDED: As you have probably noticed, you have nothing to gain and much to lose by further alienating his sister. A departure date for Emily should have been agreed upon before you moved in. Because that didn't happen, you are now in the position of an "interloper," and because you are judgmental about her lifestyle, that she would resent you and act out is understandable.

Be smart. Recognize that the current living arrangement isn't healthy for your relationship with Logan and move out. Do not ask him to choose between you and his sister. If Logan is as serious about you as you are about him, he may decide to choose on his own and encourage Emily to find a place to live as was originally planned.

DEAR ABBY: My sister, "Margaret," cheated on her husband for 30 years out of their 30-year marriage. Her husband had a visual impairment that led to blindness, and for the last 10 years he was completely dependent on her. I'm the only one in the family she confided in about her affairs all these years. We're both now in our 60s.

Margaret's husband died last year of cancer, and then her boyfriend left her because he wanted a real relationship and she did not. She was devastated about both events, but cannot let go of being rejected by her boyfriend.

I am sick and tired of hearing about this boyfriend and his and her choices. I never approved of how my sister lived her life. Margaret's husband was a good man who would do anything for her.

I recently suggested she speak to her grief counselor about this so she can find some peace in her life. Now she tells me she has cut me completely out of her life, but she continues to send me nasty emails. She's also bad-mouthing me to my brother and my children (who know nothing). How do I deal with this? -- TIRED OF HER DIRTY LITTLE SECRET

DEAR TIRED: You gave your troubled sister some good advice; it's a shame she didn't heed it. Now here's the way I recommend you deal with what she's doing: Tell your brother and your children everything you have written to me. After that, direct any emails you receive from your sister into trash without reading any more of them, ever. Do that, and you will find that like magic there will be less drama, turmoil and stress in your life.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating my boyfriend, Mike, for about two years, and things are going great. During this time, I have become very close with his family. Both of his parents came to the United States from Europe, and with their culture comes his mother's traditional cooking and the need to make sure everyone's bellies are full.

I have always enjoyed her food; however, in the last six months I have become a vegetarian. Out of courtesy for her, I have been making sure to eat at home before spending time at Mike's house. I can see that his mother feels a bit put off because I have been eating less of her food, but I feel it would be rude to ask her for a separate meal to accommodate my diet. What should I do? -- NERVOUS IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR NERVOUS: Your boyfriend's mother may be put off because she doesn't understand why you seem to be enjoying her cooking less. If you and Mike have been seeing each other for two years, you and his mother should be able to have an honest conversation with each other. Tell her you enjoy her cooking, but that you have changed your diet and no longer eat meat, etc. If she volunteers to prepare something else for you, it would be gracious of her. However, if she doesn't, I agree that it would be rude to ask her to do so.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were close friends with another couple, seeing them once or twice a week. Then we had to move away from our hometown because of a job opportunity. We tried to stay in touch, but predictably were not as close as when we were neighbors.

A few months ago, we were able to move back home, and we have been trying to revive the friendship. We have invited them to dinner three times only to be told: "We have commitments this week, and next week is crazy at work. Let's try to get together next month when things calm down." But there was no follow-up.

They do travel a lot, have small children and demanding jobs, so it's hard to know if the delays are real or if they aren't interested in being friends any longer. How much do we try before feeling we're annoying them and giving up? -- BACK HOME IN OHIO

DEAR BACK HOME: Do as your friends suggested and give them a call in a month or six weeks. If they are still unavailable, say, "OK. Then the ball is in your court," and see if they follow up. And if they don't, then realize it's time to give up. When you moved away, they moved on.

DEAR ABBY: As a Valentine surprise, my boyfriend of two years presented me with a donation he had made in my name to his favorite charity. I thought it was impersonal and it hurt my feelings. Am I wrong to think he really doesn't care much for me? -- ROSE-LESS IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR ROSE-LESS: Let me put it this way, your boyfriend isn't very good when it comes to gift selection. Many men aren't. But more important than candy or flowers is how he treats you the other 364 days of the year, and that's how you should judge him.

DEAR ABBY: Recently, my father has begun to watch films with graphic sexual scenes when he gets home from work. When I ask him to please watch them on his own time, when my three younger siblings aren't in the house, he tells me that because he pays the bills he has the right to do what he wants.

Abby, not only do these graphic movies make me uncomfortable, I'm worried my siblings will begin asking questions. -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN OREGON

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: If there are adult relatives who can convince your dad that what he's doing is unwise -- an aunt, uncle, grandparent -- talk to them about what's going on right away. If there aren't, then a trusted teacher or counselor at school should be informed because what your father is doing is extremely inappropriate. Exposing children to graphic images can give them unrealistic expectations about what sex is really all about.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend and I have talked about becoming engaged. The subject of the wedding dress came up. She broke off a past engagement last year, and she has asked me whether it would be OK for her to use the dress she chose for the wedding that didn't happen. She says only her mother and the seamstress have seen it. She doesn't want to be out $1,000 and says she does not associate the gown with her ex-fiance.

I feel we should try to sell the dress, although it was tailored for her, and pick a new one. What do you think is appropriate? I don't like the idea of looking back at the wedding photos and thinking the dress was meant for another man. -- FUTURE HUSBAND IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HUSBAND: Actually, the dress was meant for your fiancee and not another man. There are specialists who can redesign an existing wedding dress. However, because you have negative associations with this gown, offer to sweeten the pot by chipping in if she can't get $1,000 for the one she has. I think the most "appropriate" thing on your wedding day should be that you are both comfortable, happy and, above all, in sync.

DEAR ABBY: I don't sympathize or empathize with others. When people are sad or upset over deaths, failed relationships, etc., my reaction is annoyance at the person because I feel I'm being forced to offer an emotion I don't genuinely feel. I have experienced all of these things in my own life, but I have never shed tears about them or let them cripple me. I view these things as part of life and move on.

As I get older, it is getting harder and harder for me to fake these emotions. My wife was in tears for a couple of days because someone she knew died. I tried to pretend to empathize with her, but I found myself getting annoyed by what I thought was her overreaction. Someone she knew died; it happens to all of us. Let's move on. Is something wrong with me? -- MOVING ON IN TENNESSEE

DEAR MOVING ON: Some people live the veneer of life; others live the hardwood. It appears you are among the former and insulated against painful emotions. However, I'm cautioning you to be patient and show respect for the feelings of others who have more emotional depth, or you may be spending a lot of time alone in the future.