DEAR ABBY: I have been married to the same man for 20 years. He likes having people around all the time, and because he is a minister, we often can't avoid it. I have tried to accommodate his friends and hangers-on, but lately it's becoming unbearable. He will say "yes" to people who have been evicted, and I find myself sharing living quarters with perfect strangers or church members without prior notice.

I have tried over the years to make sense of his attitude toward me (also toward those he's offered help). I feel he cares for others and what they think of him more than what I feel or think. When I complain about his latest live-in's attitude -- or anything -- he brushes every issue aside and basically tells me to be a good Christian.

Right now, we have a family of three sharing our three-room house with us and our three boys. I'm thinking of leaving him when the youngest one is 13. I don't want to hurt my kids. How can I explain to them that their "nice" dad is unreasonable and irresponsible with money, and I can't bear it anymore? -- REACHED MY LIMIT IN NIGERIA

DEAR REACHED: I suspect your problems "come with the territory" of being married to a minister. But a caring husband would respect and consult his wife before inviting houseguests into their home.

If you finally decide you are so unhappy you need to leave, be honest with your sons. The way you have expressed your reasons to me are clear and well stated. Because they have grown up with things always having been this way, they may think it is normal. Or, you may find they agree with you.

DEAR ABBY: I am a young woman who proposed to my high school sweetheart after graduating from college. It may seem odd for a woman to do, but I initiated our relationship in high school and then attended an all-women's college. Suffice it to say, he said he wasn't going to be the "one."

I can't understand why he rejected me, and I don't know what to do now. I thought I was making a sound decision choosing my friend because he is an engineer. Could it be that he doesn't regard me as a good enough partner because I have an art degree, or could it be insecurity on his part?

I can't imagine why he doesn't want to marry at this stage in life. We are 23. We were together for four years, and for both of us, this was our longest relationship. Part of me wonders, if I change, will he change his mind? Or does this seem like a hopeless case? -- JANE DOE IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR JANE: If you would like to know his reasons for not accepting your proposal, the person you must ask is him. While you feel ready to make a lifetime commitment, your boyfriend apparently hasn't reached that stage of life.

I know you're disappointed, but life doesn't always go the way we predict it will. (Sometimes it turns out even better!) So please don't try to change yourself to accommodate someone who is emotionally unavailable. You could twist yourself into a pretzel, but it wouldn't work because you aren't the problem. Accept it and move on.

DEAR ABBY: My only sister, "Carolyn," is getting married in two months. I'm ecstatic for her. She and her girlfriend turned 50 this year, and this is the happiest I have ever seen her. They are perfect together. Carolyn asked me to be her maid of honor and I gladly accepted. I am also decorating for her small wedding and reception.

When I received my wedding invitation last week, I was shocked and saddened. It was addressed to me and my kids only. My significant other, "Greg" (the kids' father), and I were married for 22 years and divorced three years ago. We have had some tough times but did reconcile. Even though we are divorced, we stayed together and never split households.

I have no idea how to tell Greg. I asked Carolyn if excluding Greg had been an oversight, and she said she would just prefer that he not be there. I can respect that, and I don't want to cause any drama or take anything away from her day.

Does this seem appropriate? My feelings are hurt, and I could have used Greg's help with things. How do I tell him he's not invited? -- IN A WEDDING QUANDARY

DEAR QUANDARY: Tell Greg the same way you told me. And after you do, don't be surprised that the relationship Greg has with Carolyn and her wife will be more distant than it has been.

It's possible that when you and Greg divorced, she developed a dislike for him that didn't abate after you reconciled, and it's sad that she chose this occasion to display it. Personally, I think her choice is one she'll regret in the future, but neither you nor I can change it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a high school student, but it's not easy for me. Studying is hard at home because I just want to goof off after a long day at school. My grades are OK, but I'm worried that if this continues they will slip.

Then there's my eating habits and fitness. My school lunch period starts late in the day, so it's hard to stay satisfied from breakfast. When I get home, I'm still hungry and eat whatever's around, not usually healthy. And sitting all day at school doesn't help my fitness. Recently, I decided to have only a cup of water or soda until dinner, but I'm not sure that's healthy. Exercising at home doesn't happen because I'm either goofing off or doing homework.

Finally, there's my sleep habits. I go to bed at 8 or 9, but I have to wake up at 5 the next morning. How can I have good grades, be fit and be rested while having fun, too? -- MULTI-TASKER IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR MULTI-TASKER: If you arrive home with low energy, put on some walking shoes and go for a walk/jog or do some other form of exercise. When you return home, your mind will be alert. Then, have a piece of fruit with some cheese or a boiled egg. This should hold you until dinner. Water is healthy, and you should be able to drink it in unlimited amounts.

After you have had your snack, get your homework out of the way. If you do, there should be an hour or so in the evening for you to "goof off" before bedtime without feeling guilty.

DEAR ABBY: I have a question about how to handle a situation with one of my grandsons. "Rory" came to me recently to talk about religion. His mother is Christian; I am not. He asked what I thought about his mother forcing him to go to church. He has many doubts about Christianity.

I tried to understand Christianity for more than 50 years, and about 20 years ago I found peace with the faith I now practice. My daughter doesn't want me to talk to her children about my path.

My question is, how do I address this issue with my grandson without confusing him even more? Any help would be appreciated because I don't want to go against his mother's wishes. -- FOUND MY PEACE

DEAR FOUND YOUR PEACE: Answer your grandson's question honestly. He asked you what you thought about his being forced to go to church. He did not ask you how you found your peace -- or if you did. Sooner or later, he will find his own peace, and probably the same way you did -- by searching for it. Do not push him -- or pull him -- in any direction and keep the peace with his mother.

DEAR ABBY: My sister and her husband are well-to-do, but cheap. They recently invited themselves to stay three nights in our snowbird condo on their way to a vacation in the Caribbean. My wife and I hosted them, and during their stay we went out twice for dinner. Both times my sister was quick to request separate bills. In the meantime, we had provided lodging and all their other meals for them.

I am offended that they didn't show appreciation for our hospitality by at least taking us to dinner once. I have wanted to confront my sister about my feelings, but my wife has vehemently told me I shouldn't. What would you suggest? -- UNEQUAL IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR UNEQUAL: I see two ways of dealing with this. Keep your mouth shut, avoid confrontation and the next time your sister tells you she's coming for a visit, roll up the welcome mat saying you already have other plans. Or, tell your sister how you feel.

Personally, I think it would be healthier to express your feelings, because your sister's and her husband's behavior was rude. It shows that because people have money doesn't necessarily mean they have class.

DEAR ABBY: For many years I have been depressed about my father's opinion of me. Dad died 30 years ago thinking I was a screwup who would never amount to anything, and at the time it was true.

Since his death I have turned my life around. I have been married for 38 years, raised a fine son and I am successful in my career.

Still, I can't get past his feeling of disappointment in me at the time of his death. It haunts me daily that I was a loser while he was alive. Any advice to stop feeling guilty? -- REGRETFUL SON

DEAR SON: Not everyone matures at the same rate, and you may have been a late bloomer. Try telling yourself that you are sorry for whatever your sin of omission was, and then give yourself a dose of forgiveness.

If that doesn't do the trick, then instead of torturing yourself, discuss this with a licensed mental health professional. Remember, no one can change the past. We can, however, change the present, and by doing so, positively affect our future.